Nothing To Lose Your Head Over

While the rest of the world grapples with such petty matters as Iran's nuclear program, possible civil war in Iraq, and genocide in Darfur, the people of Richmond, Virginia are faced with a far greater crisis.

Two captive bears at a city park were recently put to sleep, beheaded, and their brains tested for Rabies. As a result, the people of the Richmond flooded city hall with outraged phone calls. As any politician worth his salt would (President Bush, please take note), the mayor quickly sprang into action. On his orders, workers at a landfill sifted through piles of garbage with backhoes to locate the discarded carcasses of the animals. Once found, they were cremated and their remains interred at a marked grave in the park. 500 people attended the funeral.

The whole thing started when a four year old child stuck his hand through a fence and was bitten by one of the bears. Unable to determine which of two animals did the biting, park officials made the decision to test both of them. Unfortunately, the only way to do so with bears is to kill them and send the brains to a laboratory.

Now, some of you may be wondering where the child's mother was while her kid was being nibbled on by wild animals. Good question, and this is where the story gets interesting: She's the whole freakin' reason the kid got bitten in the first place!

Two fences separated the bears from the public. The one closest to the bears is a ten foot chain link fence. A four foot wooden fence is outside that. Seems like reasonable precautions, right? And certainly any idiot would understand that those fences are there for a reason, right?

Well, er, no. Apparently some idiots are too stupid to figure that one out. The mother apparently lifted her kid over the wooden fence so he get a closer look at the bears. That's when he got bitten.

Huh? The kid's mother is an absolute moron who deliberately endangered her child and it's the bears that end up being put to death?

Hardly seems fair, doesn't it?