Saturday, December 31, 2005

And The Sixth Letter Of The Greek Alphabet Is....

As we prepare to bid farewell to the year of our lord 2005, let us also give a resounding howdy-doody to tropical storm Zeta! It formed just in the nick of time, as any storm systems achieving named status tomorrow or after will fall under the 2006 list.

Zeta is the 27th named storm of the year and is currently some 1100 miles southwest of the Azores. It is not expected to pose a threat to land.

Time Flies.... Just Not Tonight

Oh great.... Just in case we don't have enough to worry about with environmental problems, oil depletion, deforestation, mutating bird flu viruses, global warming, killer asteroids, giant monkeys falling in love with blonde babes, stronger hurricanes, and terrorists, now we're told the Earth slowing down!!!!

It's true! Scientists have announced that they will be adding a "leap second" to clocks tonight. 11:59:59 PM will actually last TWO seconds this year, so remember that when you get ready to clink your champagne glasses together.

And yes, it's Bush's fault. Thanks for asking.

Stick That In Your Lava Dome And Smoke it

So-called scientists are bewildered by the behavior of Mount Saint Helens in Washington state. It has been "oozing" lava now for the last 15 months. Every three seconds or so, the mountain puts out the equivalent of a large dump truck load of molten rock. Normally when a volcano produces this much lava, the source is from deep underground and is accompanied by certain gases. St. Helens lacks that, which suggests that the lava is coming from inside the mountain itself. But such lava production is short-lived, and causes subtle changes in the shape of the mountain itself. Again, St. Helens lacks that.

Consequently, scientists are unable to fully explain the mechanism behind the mountain's actions because of gaps in their knowledge.

Hmmm.... Gaps in their knowledge? Then obviously Mt. St. Helens' behavior is the product of intelligent design, and we should explain it as such in our kids' science textbooks.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Would You Like Lithium On Your Popcorn, Sir?

A federal judge has granted presidential assailant and certified wacko John Hinckley overnight stays with his parents in Williamsburg, Virginia. Hinckley has been in a DC mental hospital ever since he shot President Reagan and three others in 1981. In recent years Hinckley has been allowed to leave the hospital grounds for shorter excursions with his mother and father. Then last year he was granted overnight visits within a 50 mile radius of DC. Williamsburg, however, is about 150 miles away, so this is a major step for him.

Well, that's nice. Maybe now he'll have a chance to catch up on all those Jodie Foster movies he's missed over the last 24 years.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Heading For Home

I stumbled across an article about one of my favorite singers (and no, I don't mean Britney Spears; besides, it's not her singing that appeals to me). According to the headline, Meatloaf's popularity is growing!

One of the greatest rock songs--heck, THE greatest rock song--of all time is, of course, Meatloaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light." It's words incorporate love, lust, cars, interior lighting, the concept of time, commitment, baseball, prayer, and remorse all into one great eight minute 28 second song.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Political Correctness Be Damned...

...this is funny!

---------------From an email

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry, Er, Holiday Day

There has suddenly been a lot of controversy this year over how to convey one's holiday greetings. Suddenly "Merry Christmas" was out because it might be offensive to Jewish people or Muslims or atheists or followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Then there was a backlash from conservatives against this sudden onslaught of political correctness run amok, who argued it was "Christmas, for crying out loud, and they're called Christmas trees and Christmas presents and Christmas sales and Christmas caroles!" Then they would collapse, gasping for air.

Personally I've always used "happy holidays" myself, but not because I didn't want to offend anyone. It was simply a habit borne of laziness; instead of saying "Merry Christmas and happy New Year" I would say "happy holidays." Why use six words when I could convey the same message with two? That way I could spend more time lounging in my recliner!

But when this "happy holidays" thing erupted into some sort of religious controversy, I was left in a tough spot: Do I keep using "happy holidays," thus conveying the impression that I'm some sort of PC nut? Or do I go back to "Merry Christmas and happy New Year," thereby risking exhaustion from the extra exertion? I suddenly had to do some deep soul searching.

And I learned something important about myself in doing so: My soul is a deep, dark, murky abyss populated by all sorts of strange creatures, some of which can't possibly be the product of evolution. But I also discovered that I'm just plain, well, "ornery." In other words, I get off on always disagreeing with the status quo, whatever it may be. So even if Kerry had won the election, I'd still be bitching about what an idiot the President is, and how much better off we would be if only Bush had won a second term.

Frankly, this scared the holy crap out of me and I immediately stopped my soul searching.

So anyway, in recent days whenever a sales clerk did actually wish me "Merry Christmas," I would respond with "You too, and thanks for saying Christmas." On the other hand, if someone said "happy holidays" I would politely ask, "Oh? Which holidays." Then I would stand there, waiting for an answer and pissing off the 25 people still waiting in line behind me.

I realize this solution isn't much of one, so I plan to use the coming 11 months to come up with a plan.... Something Bush should have done before he invaded--oh, never mind.

Merry holidays to all of you!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Some Yuletide Rockin'

While some people do tend to be a bit garish with their light displays this time of years, occasionally there's one that does succeed in being great. This is a perfect example of one that does.

According to the email that accompanied the link, it was created by an electrician named Carson Williams. The lights on the house and throughout the yard are synchronized to the Trans Siberian Orchestra's "Wizards of Winter." Not only will you need your speakers for this, you'll want to crank them up.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Bright Ideas

Want some great last minute Christmas decorating tips for your home? This is the place to go. In fact, it's safe to say that any of the houses pictured on the site would put Clark Griswold to shame.

A Warm Streak, So To Speak

Considering the long cold snap and occasional ice storms we've had to endure over the last few weeks, today's warm weather was certainly a welcome change. Dulles Airport, for example, hit a high of 56 degrees (13 C). And while some people may have settled for leaving their jackets at home, that just wasn't enough for me. I was so overjoyed by the sudden pleasant weather that I went outside, stripped, and just ran around naked in the warm sun.

It takes a lot to clear out the parking lot of a Wal-Mart two days before Christmas, and I'm quite proud of the accomplishment.

Questionable Personal hygiene

Scientists have discovered a set of rings around Uranus.

Uh, this may be none of my business, but why were you letting the scientists look down there in the first place?

Thursday, December 22, 2005

When Dogs Attack

In what can best be described as disturbing news, a new report from the National Hurricane Center has downgraded Hurricane Katrina from a category 4 storm to a category 3. This was done after further analysis of the radar data compiled last August.

Winds in New Orleans--to the west of Katrina's center--would have been even less, probably even as low as category 1. This raises serious questions about the design of the city's levee system, which was supposedly designed to withstand category 3 hurricanes. Even so, some scientists argue that since Katrina was at one point a category 5 storm, the resulting tidal surge would still have been the same.

Meanwhile, New Orleans continues to struggle along in its recovery efforts. Many parts of the city remain largely deserted, and packs of wild dogs can be seen wandering the streets. In one particularly disturbing case, a pack of starving hounds descended upon a helpless alligator. After wearing it down, the killed the exhausted reptile and ate its remains.

A photo was taken during the attack. It is extremely graphic in its depiction of violence, so look upon it only if you dare--and definitely not while you're eating.

---------------From an email

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Victory, But For The Wrong Side

Ever since the 9/11 attacks we have been hearing that we should go about our business as usual or the terrorists will win. We should continue to get on airplanes, or the terrorists win. We should continue to spend money, or the terrorists will win. We should continue to get on the subways and buses, or the terrorists will win. And we all agreed that it seemed like a reasonable conclusion.

Now comes word that the President has ordered the National Security Agency to conduct secret spying on Americans. He did this without the approval of Congress, and without a court order. Bush didn't even bother going through the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court, which is a highly secret panel of 11 judges specifically formed to combat terrorism. It is their job to review requests for phone taps and other surveillance in such matters, thereby keeping everything legal. When this story broke, one member of the panel quit in protest.

Our President didn't see that way, however. He chose to circumvent the courts and Congress. And when his actions became public, Bush didn't deny the accusation, or apologize, or even act chagrined. No, he instead chose to get angry and call the revelations "irresponsible." Surprisingly, many people seem to agree.

My God, is this what our nation has come to? People are willing to flush the Constitution down the toilet? Our country is founded on certain principles, and one is that no single branch of our government becomes too powerful. That's why the courts will sometimes overturn laws passed by Congress, or why Congress will sometimes override presidential vetoes. Each branch of the government thus keeps the other two in check.

But when one branch--indeed, a single individual--takes it upon himself to circumvent the other two, and then justify it on the basis that he--and he alone--knows what's best, we are on an extremely slippery slope.

And the excuse about protecting the American people by reacting quickly to terrorists who change their phone numbers is a load of crap. That is no excuse to go behind the backs of the American people. If there's one thing the commission that investigate the 9/11 attacks found, its that there were ample opportunities to stop Mohammad Atta and his band of twisted cohorts. More importantly, no secret investigations were needed to learn what they were plotting. The problem was that no one bothered to put the multitude of clues together, whether because of shear incompetence or just petty bureaucratic protection of each agency's "turf."

It no longer matters whether we get on airplanes or spend money like crazy, folks. The terrorists have already won.

That's Just Clucking Ridiculous

Maybe I'm being silly, but all the recent talk about bird flu is making me paranoid. In fact I've pretty much convinced myself that I have it. My symptoms include a general feeling of crappiness, sore throat, a hacking cough, nasal congestion, fever, and feathers growing in my nether regions.

Maybe orange juice will help.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

A Victory For Science

In what can only be described as a victory for science and the age of reason, a judge in Pennsylvania has ruled against the teaching of intelligent design in Dover county, Pennsylvania. In fact, he went as far as to call the idea of doing so "breathtaking inanity." It should also be noted that the judge is a Republican and a churchgoer.

Judge John E. Jones III then went on to more fully explain the definition of science and why intelligent design does not qualify. For the last 400 years "science has been limited to the search for natural causes to explain natural phenomena," says Jones. "By contrast, intelligent design's views on how the world got to be the way it is offer no testable facts, choosing instead to rely on authoritative statements."

The matter was largely moot, however, since the pro-intelligent design members of the school board were defeated in the November elections. In fact, it was that defeat that prompted noted televangelist and all around wack job Pat Robertson the citizens of Dover that God would soon unleash his wrath upon their community (even though intelligent design supposedly has nothing to do with religion). It has now been 42 days since that election, and so far Dover has not been wiped off the face of the Earth by mudslides, wildfires, floods, locusts, frogs, or volcanic eruptions.

Of course, the judge will end up burning in eternal hell, but that's not my problem.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Xmas Is Now A Four Letter Word

Here's a wonderful little tale that captures the NEW spirit of the season: 'Twas the Night Before a Non-Denominational Holiday

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Bill Frist, Humanitarian Extraordinaire

In the past I have made derogatory comments about Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. This was especially true during the Terry Shiavo circus last spring when Frist offered his expert medical opinion based on a videotape of her. Quite frankly, I was wrong to do that. I do not have a medical degree, and thus do not have any expertise to judge whether he was offering an educated diagnosis based on that video, or simply exercising crass political opportunism in an effort to suck up to the Christian right.

I have also made snide remarks regarding Frist's questionable stock sales which seemed to suggest he had illegally obtained inside information.

For all this, I need to publicly apologize. As it turns out, Senator Frist is an extremely generous man of science. In fact, he actually runs an AIDS charity that last year took in $4.4 million in contributions.

Indeed, Frist is such a humanitarian that his charity paid out almost half a million dollars in consulting fees to two companies. The fact that both those firms are run by a longtime fundraiser for Frist is nothing more than a wild coincidence. Oh, and the additional trivial detail that one of the two companies is also jointly run by the wife of a fellow Republican Senator? That's also purely by chance.

Of course, any such charity will also need lawyers, and for that Frist hired the law firm of Jill Holtzman Vogel, who just happens to be married to Alex Vogel, who in turn happens to be Frist's personal attorney.

I guess that whole six degrees of separation thing should really be reduced to, oh, one degree.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Friday, December 16, 2005

Rush Hour On The Rocks

Rush hours in DC are never a lot of fun, but the one this morning was one for the books.

Early this morning, the guys on the all-news radio station were commenting about how DC had dodged a bullet with the weather. They were referring, of course, to the ice storm which left some 500,000 people from Georgia to western Virginia without power. And while things around here did get a little dicey for a while yesterday afternoon, by late evening it seemed the threat of freezing temperatures was gone. And based on the faulty intelligence provided by the weather forecasters, the various highway departments sent their road crews home.

Then shortly after 5:00 A.M. some disturbing reports about icy roads west of DC began to come in. Over the course of the next hour, the sudden freeze overspread over the entire area--just in time for the morning commute. That made for lots of crashes, including a spectacular one in which a FedEx truck took a header off an overpass. Two interstates in the area had to be briefly closed because of the conditions, and a number of other major roads became impassable. School systems were also caught in a bind. Many already had their buses on the road when rapidly deteriorating conditions forced them to delay their start times.

So now the schools are blaming the highway people, the highway people are blaming the forecasters, and the forecasters are blaming Mother Nature. Whatever, but to me the culprit is obvious: President Bush.

I'm not sure how yet, but give me time.

Probe This

NASA is preparing to launch a probe to explore Pluto. Assuming it can liftoff by January 11, the New Horizons spacecraft will take 9 1/2 years to reach its destination. The mission is actually more of a flyby, as it will not have enough fuel to decelerate and go into orbit.

If the mission proves successful, NASA hopes to launch more probes to explore other minor Disney characters.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Just Passing Gas For Now

The Galeras volcano in Colombia is expected to erupt sometime in the next few weeks. The government of that South American country has ordered some 9000 people who live near the mountain to evacuate. Needless to say, many are not heeding that edict.

In particular, the villagers of Genoy, at the base of Galeras, are insisting that they are safe. They claim that they are "friends" with the volcano, and that the Virgin Mary will protect them. It apparently hasn't occurred to these people that perhaps Mary is the one who sent the scientists and government officials to warn the village in the first place.

Anyway, I bring this up only because when the volcano does finally erupt and kills all the people who refused to leave, I plan to mock them. A lot.

So if that's the type of thing that is likely to offend you, well, you may as well get offended now and get it out of your system.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Pass The Bananas

I saw King Kong today, and it can pretty well be summed up in one word: WOW!!!!! Beyond that, all I can say is that any movie featuring a giant computer generated ape that makes you cry at the end is more than worth the price of admission. Hell, by the time it was over, I ended up not even caring about the damn Toyota Scion ad during the previews.

Coincidentally, Saddam also saw Kong today. He's written a more extensive review on it if you'd like to check it out.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Arnold: Guilty Of Upholding The Laws Of The State Of California

The European Union has now condemned Arnold Schwarzenegger's decision to allow the execution of Tookie Williams. In fact, they're calling the entire idea of capital punishment "barbaric."

Well, that's nice. But just out of curiosity, do they also consider the murders of four innocent people barbaric? Or how about the creation of a street gang which, in its almost 30 years of existence, has caused hundreds of deaths?

Austria's Green Party has gone as far as to demand that Schwarzenegger be stripped of his citizenship. Oh, so now Austria wants to lecture us about what is and is not barbaric? Just out of curiosity, how many Jews did Austria allow to die in the gas chambers? And please don't blame Hitler for that. I'm sure if the man hadn't killed himself, he would have gone on to write children's books, and then all would have been forgiven.

Even the Vatican has weighed in, with a spokesman saying that the death penalty flies in the face of "redemption and human dignity." Uh, before the church begins lecturing ANYONE on justice, perhaps they should look closely at themselves and their decades-long history of quietly reassigning hundreds of known child molesters to new parishes.

Monday, December 12, 2005


Well, barring any unforeseen developments, Stanley Tookie Williams will be executed by the state of California in a few hours. His last best hope was clemency by Governor Schwarzenegger, and he basically told Williams' attorneys to take a hike earlier today.

I have no problem with capital punishment provided there are no doubts about the guilt of the individual. And in the case of Williams, there are no doubts. He killed four people during a series of holdups in 1979. Oh, and Williams is credited as being the founder of the Crips street gang.... Well, at least he accomplished something during his life.

For some reason this particular case has garnered a lot of publicity. At one point he was even nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, though lord knows why. A number of celebrities have also called on Schwarzenegger to show mercy on Williams. Hmmm.... I wonder if Williams showed mercy on his victims before he shot them.? Maybe someone should call the victims and ask them: Yen-I Yang, Tsai-Shai Chen Yang, Yu-Chin Yang Lin, and Albert Owens.

Oops, wait, they're dead. Never mind.

These Hollywood types have also argued that Williams' life should be spared because he is a changed man, and to prove it, they point out that he has written children's books.

Well, that's certainly sweet.... In fact, if I ever have kids, I'll be sure to run out and buy as many children's books by convicted multiple killers as I possibly can!

What does bother me about the Williams case is that people like Jamie Foxx, Snoop Dog, and Mike Farrell spoke out in support of the killer. Why? If you're going to be opposed to the death penalty and use your celebrity status to speak out on behalf of a killer, fine. But then you had damn well better be prepared to fly all over the country and speak out on behalf convicted death row inmates every single time. Why should a man like Williams get all your attention?

In fact, Joseph Smith was recently sentenced to death for the rape and murder of 11 year old Carlie Brucia in Florida. That's the case where the little girl's abduction by Smith was caught by a security camera outside a car wash.

Perhaps Farrell, Snoop, and Foxx should hurry up and nominate Smith for a Nobel Prize.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Stop Your Wining

While we've known for some time now that Hurricane Katrina caused over 1300 deaths and approximately $100 billion in damage, the true tragedy of this catastrophic storm is only now coming to light.

For example, one of the premier wine collections in the world was ruined when the power went out and stayed out for several weeks. The loss of power exposed the bottles to temperatures as high as 120 degrees Fahrenheit (almost 49 Celsius), which is apparently bad for fine wines. Personally, I've left my Mad Dog 20/20 in the car while parked in the summer sun on several occasions, and I've never noticed any ill effects, aside from waking up somewhere and not having a clue as to how I got there.

Anyway, the wine cellar at Brennan's Restaurant has repeatedly won awards for being one of the finest in the world. The collection was insured for $1,000,000, and is now considered a total loss.

I'm Rich!

Great news!!! I've been offered a $4.5 million grant by the The Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fund!! I have no idea why they've done this, what the heck I'm supposed to do with it, or how they even heard of me, but those minor details are certainly not going to stop me from giving them my bank account information.

Make A Right At The Third Spiral Arm

Astronomers have long been able to perform complex calculations to determine the distances to various distant galaxies. And thanks to the Hubble Space Telescope, they have been able to provide us with spectacular images of worlds far beyond our own. They have even found evidence of planets around stars distant from our own humble little Earth. But one thing they have NOT been able to do is accurately measure distances in our own Milky Way galaxy.... Until now.

Man, that must've been one hell of a tape measure!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Alas, our old blustery friend Epsilon is no more. It fell victim to wind shear and was reduced to a mere mass of clouds earlier today. The storm met its demise at sea without ever having known the joy of ripping people's lives to shreds. What a shame....

Still, Eppy did accomplish something memorable by becoming the longest-lived December hurricane on record. That's certainly something to be proud of.

Preparedness? That's For The Boy Scouts

According to a new report by the former 9/11 commission, not only is the United States still vulnerable to a major terrorist attack, but the government has failed to implement many of the reforms recommended by the commission earlier.

Well, this shouldn't surprise anyone. It took federal officials a week to react to Hurricane Katrina, and that's for a disaster that was accurately forecast for two days before it happened. It's terrifying to think what the government's non-response would be for a catastrophe that came as an actual surprise.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Some People Just Don't Get It

If you're one of those people who likes seeing commercials after you just finished paying nine bucks to see a movie in a theater, there's good news for you: Even more ads are coming! Spending by advertisers on those ads rose by 18% this year, and will likely continue to go up by 15% every year through 2008. With digital technology working its way into projection booths, it's becoming easier for agencies to insert ads or switch them out depending on a particular film's anticipated audience.

Theater owners, of course, view this as welcome news. Box office receipts so far this year are off by six per cent, so the additional source of revenue is welcome.

However, these same theater owners are apparently oblivious to the fact that many moviegoers resent shelling out big bucks for tickets and refreshments, only to be subjected to freaking commercials!!! Heck, if we're going to be forced to sit there and watch a cheesy ad for the latest Chevrolet, well, then we may as well just stay home and see it for free on TV!

It's no wonder that more people are deciding to wait for the DVD's to come out.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Blow Me

I received the below picture in my email with absolutely no explanation as to what's going on. But to be honest, I don't think I want to know what's going on! I will say, however, that I find the image quite disturbing. I would never treat my blow-up doll collection so carelessly.

---------------From an email

Prayer For Epsilon

I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that we're all very proud of Hurricane Epsilon and how he's (she's?) hanging in there with his (her?) 75 mph winds. Scientists for the last several days have been predicting that the storm would weaken, break up, or get sucked up into another weather system. So far none of that has happened, and the people who get paid to know how this stuff works are stumped by Epsilon's persistence.

So far he (she?) has stayed safely out at sea. But with a little bit of luck, Epsilon can hang in there long enough to hit land, cause major flooding, lead to lots of landslides, and wipe out several dozen Guatemalan villages.

Er, nothing personal against Guatemala, of course. It's just that if you're a hurricane and spend your entire existence out at sea without causing death, mayhem, and millions of dollars of damage, well, your life will have pretty much been wasted.

Monday, December 05, 2005

"Tnx" For Nothing

Shortly after the Hurricane Katrina fiasco, accusations began to fly as to who dropped the ball. Was it the Feds who neglected to recognize the danger, or was it the local officials who failed to properly convey their needs? The White House defended itself by saying that it did not know how bad the situation was (apparently they don't have access to CNN at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue), and that no one from Louisiana had formally requested federal aid.


Well, as part of the investigation into what went wrong, Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco's office has turned over thousands of pages of documents to Congress. Included among them was one she sent to Bush the day BEFORE Katrina hit:

"I have determined that this incident will be of such severity and magnitude that effective response will be beyond the capabilities of the state and the affected local governments and that supplementary federal assistance will be necessary,"

Three days after the storm hit, Blanco again wrote the White House to ask that the 256th Louisiana National Guard Brigade be sent home from Iraq. She also asked for more generators, medicine, and health care workers.

Five days after that a Bush aid emailed the Blanco's office to say they had not received the letter. They were, however, aware of the request:

"We found it on the governor's Web site but we need 'an original,' for our staff secretary to formally process the requests she is making. We are on the job but appreciate your help with a technical request. Tnx!"

So there you have it: While thousands of people were still trapped on their roofs, or dying in their attics, or reduced to savagery at the Superdome, or pushing dead bodies out of the way as they waded through chest-high floodwaters, or baking for days straight on highway overpasses with no shelter; and while the world was marveling at images coming out of the world's most powerful nation that looked like scenes from some poverty-stricken third world country, there were bureaucrats arguing about fucking paperwork.

And people wonder why I'm in favor of capital punishment.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

O Tannenbaum

People sometimes say to me, "Hey, Lugosi, or whatever your real name is, do you put up a Christmas tree?

And I say, "Yes, of course I do. Every year during the first week of December."

"Oh, that's nice," they reply. "Is it a real tree, or an artificial one?"

"Neither," I say. "It's a GIF."

So then the nosy SOB's will give me a puzzled look and ask, "A what?"

Then I roll my eyes, and with a condescending tone usually reserved for dealing with five year olds I reply, "A GIF, you moronic, oversized five year old. It's on my website." Then I give them a spritz of pepper spray and say, "Do I even know you? Why do you keep following me around? Get the hell away from me before I call the cops!"

Merry Christmas!!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Britney Who?

I only now found out that yesterday was Britney Spears' birthday. Thanks to Rhianna for leaving that bit of news on my tagboard. However, she seems to be under the impression that I'm still obsessed with Ms. Spears, and nothing could be further from the truth.

First of all, "obsessed" is much too strong a word. An "excessively healthy fascination" might be a better term. But even so, that was then, and this is now. Britney is married, and I respect the sanctity of that sacred institution.... Especially when I'm afraid her husband could beat the living crap out of me. Besides--how shall I put this delicately--she's "used goods" now. It would be like buying a car with over 100,000 miles on the odometer. I prefer my merchandise to be fresh, and preferably still factory sealed.

No, Britney is old news, and I would no longer do anything stupid to prove my love for her.

On the other hand, Mandy Moore is still single....


In what can only be described as a major promotion, Tropical Storm Epsilon has been upgraded to full hurricane status. That makes it the 14th such storm of the year, and sets a new record for the North Atlantic. "Big E" is also only the fifth December hurricane recorded in 120 years.

Speaking of hurricanes, who else has been watching "Invasion?" Forget Hurley's lottery numbers on "Lost." That's old news, and my limited attention span has already relegated that show to my mental archives. It's "Invasion" and its mysterious lights in the water that has me hooked now. I will say this to anyone who happened to catch this past Wednesday's episode: No amount of cajoling and convincing will ever persuade me to deliberately cut off my arm with a chainsaw.

Well, unless Britney asks me to....

Friday, December 02, 2005

Quick Civics Lesson

While somewhat amusing, this cartoon is wrong. There are currently FOUR branches of government:

1) Executive (The President)
2) Legislative (Congress)
3) Judiciary (The Courts)
4) Pat Robertson (Interprets God)

Thursday, December 01, 2005