Friday, January 29, 2010

Getting Your Space Rocks Off

A couple of weeks ago a small meteorite crashed the roof of a doctors' office in Lorton, Virginia. Though the building was occupied, no one was hurt, but several people no doubt had to change their shorts afterwards. Feeling magnanimous, the doctors decided to donate the space rock to the Smithsonian Institution.

Not so fast, said the building's landlord. It's their building, so the meteorite is theirs as well.

But has anyone bothered to think of the poor meteorite? The little fellow has been around since a cloud of interstellar dust first coalesced 4.5 billion years ago. Shunned by all the other asteroids who got together to form the various planet, this little guy stayed by himself. He probably watched in fascination as the first single cell lifeforms formed in the primordial ooze of Earth. No doubt marveled as those same cells combined, grew, evolved, and eventually crawled onto land. Probably cried when his much bigger brother smashed into that same Earth and wiped out the dinosaurs. Watched in awe as man began venturing from his home world. Finally, tired of being a bystander for all these eons, he decides to visit Earth in person and introduce himself. And what happens? He ends up as exhibit A on a freakin' courtroom table.

What a pisser of an ending.

Monday, January 25, 2010

When the Saints Come Marching in

Shortly after hurricane Katrina hit the gulf coast in 2005, several religious leaders said that the storm was God's way of punishing New Orleans for its loose morals. If we accept that theory as being true, what are we to make of the Saints' first ever trip to the Super Bowl? Wouldn't their victory in yesterday's NFC championship game also then be a manifestation of God's will?

Clearly God has loosened up over the last four and a half years. Not only does He no longer hold a grudge against the people of New Orleans, but by delivering victory to the city's NFL team, it is now obvious that the lord almighty specifically endorses the homosexual lifestyle and sexual debauchery for which the city is so well known.

I wonder if any ministers will be preaching THAT this coming Sunday.

Saturday, January 16, 2010


Friday, January 01, 2010

Making the Passing of 2009 Official

Here's the WaPo's annual In & Out List.

Also, Dave Barry's Lowlights of a Downer Year.

When Life Throws You a Cork,
Drink the Champagne!