Saturday, March 31, 2007

Beyond A Treasonable Doubt

This is not something you're likely to ever see on Fox News.

Friday, March 30, 2007

'Smoking' Gun

The mess surrounding the Bush administration's interference at the Department of Justice continues to grow.

The latest revelation concerns a settlement with tobacco companies back in 2005. The government was suing cigarette makers for $130 billion, with the money to be used for stop smoking campaigns. Then in June of that year, the Justice Department suddenly decided to settle the whole thing for $10 billion. Some eyebrows were raised at the time, especially since tobacco are major Republican campaign contributors. However, nothing more became of it at the time.

Now we learn that several Bush appointees were behind the reduced settlement amount.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm stunned that Bush would play politics with human lives.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Progress To Die For

The United States continues to make progress in Iraq. Yesterday, for example, a ceremony was held to swear in America's new ambassador to Baghdad, Ryan Crocker. The event was marked by much rejoicing throughout the land, including several traditional suicide bombings. 122 people got a little carried by the festivities and died.

Meanwhile, party poopers in the United States Senate refuse to even acknowledge all this good news coming out of Iraq and voted to start withdrawing American troops by this summer.

Let us pray that our fearless leader, who likes to defend the United States by dressing up as a fighter pilot and parading around the deck of American aircraft carriers in relative safety, holds to his principles and vetoes the Senate's bill.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Up Uranus

Scientists studying photos returned from Saturn by the Cassini spacecraft have discovered a bizarre, hexagonal weather system. Normally, on planets with an atmosphere, weather circulates in a circular motion. Baffled scientists are at a loss to explain the phenomenon.

Whatever. Speaking strictly for myself, I'm getting tired of reading about Saturn all the damn time. I wish they'd send a probe to Uranus. Can you imagine the great jokes that would lead to?

Just don't probe mine.

Rodney King Got Off Easy Compared To This

Shiite police officers and militiamen went on a rampage in the Iraqi city of Tal Afar and killed as many as 70 Sunni civilians.

Well, it's good to see the police in Iraq finally asserting themselves.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Law, Bush Style

More bad news for the Bush administration and Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. Two weeks ago he maintained the firings of those US attorneys was handled by people below him and that he didn't know about them until afterwards.

Now more emails have surfaced, including some that prove Gonzalez himself was heavily involved in the firings. Again, this raises the question: If the Bush people have nothing to hide, then why do their stories keep changing?

Defenders of the President rely heavily on two arguments: First, that there is no evidence anything illegal occurred.

Well, true. But isn't that the whole point of an "investigation?" To find IF something illegal had occurred? After all, if you already the proof that, yes, a crime had been committed, then you wouldn't need the damn investigation to begin with, would you?

Admittedly, George W. Bush has a great deal of difficulty with the English language, so perhaps he simply doesn't understand what an "investigation" is. Perhaps Karl Rove could explain it to him. That way, if he truly has nothing to hide, then he can allow his aides to testify under oath.

Secondly, some have pointed out that US Attorneys are appointed by the President and serve at his pleasure. And yes, that is true.... To a point. That does NOT mean that the President can fire these people either in an effort to block certain investigations, or in retribution for prosecuting other members of the President's political party.

And therein lies the rub: One of the fired prosecutors was Carol Lam, who wversaw the indictment and conviction of Republican Congressman Randall "Duke" Cunningham for accepting millions of dollars in bribes.

Another prosecutor who was fired was John McKay of Washington state. Two years ago he decided against bringing voter fraud charges in a close governor's race that was ultimately won by a democrat. That particular firing is under especially close scrutiny because White House officials had questioned his political loyalties three months before he was given the boot.

Former news anchor Dan Rather recently appeared on Bill Maher's show and gave what is a concise and clear terms just why this uproar over the prosecutors is such a big deal. It runs 4 minutes and 48 seconds, and it's worth watching.

Meanwhile, a new poll shows that an overwhelming majority of Americans support having White House aides testify about the firings under oath.

Yeah, like that's going to matter. This administration continues to piss on the will of the American people when it comes to Iraq, and it shows no hesitancy about continuing to send our sons and daughters to die in a conflict built entirely on lies. Why the hell should Bush start caring about public opinion now?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Pass The GPS

An engineering firm has been hired to find Ithaca, the legendary home of Odysseus. And, of course, all of us know that Odysseus was the hero of Homer's epic poem The Odyssey.

Ithaca has long been the subject of much debate. Some scholars maintain it was entirely mythical, much like Tolkien's Middle Earth. Others suggest that it was indeed real, and probably located in what is the present day island of Kefallonia.

Are these people stupid, or what? I just Googled "Ithaca," and it's in freakin' central New York state.

Keep Your Eyes Peeled For Mushroom Clouds

In case anyone's counting, today marks 666 days until Bush leaves office.

666?!?!? THAT can't be good!!!

Sunday, March 25, 2007

The "I" Word

According to Republican Senator Chuck Hagel, there is increasing talk in Congress of impeaching President Bush because of the Iraq War. Specifically, Hagel cites Bush's decision to ignore last November's election results, public opinion, and Congress' wishes by pressing ahead with a troop buildup.

A careful reading of the United States Constitution, shows the document to be rather vague on whether such drastic action can be taken against a sitting President without him first getting a blowjob.

Meanwhile, Vice President Cheney has accused the House of Representatives of "undermining the troops" with its recent attempt to impose a deadline for American withdrawal from Iraq.

It is heartwarming to see Mr. Cheney express his support for our soldiers. After all, he was--and remains--one of the chief architects of this fiasco which has now claimed over 3200 American lives.

Too bad the vice President didn't decide to express his support by instead making sure our nation's veteran's hospitals were up to snuff.

Timely Proposal

Here in the good ol' US of A, we changed our clocks a could of weeks ago. As is usual, many Americans complained about the whole process of changing clocks in the first place: It's stupid: it's confusing; we're not actually gaining daylight; it leads to more car crashes; the whole thing is just a scam perpetrated upon the American people by Dick "Head" Cheney and his cronies at Haliburton. Many of us even assume that we're the only nation on Earth that does this stupid ritual, and the rest of the world thinks we're a bunch of idiots for doing it, unlike, say, when we invade the wrong country.

Well, guess what? The United States is NOT the only country that does it!!! Er, the time thing, I mean, not the wrong country thing (we're definitely unique in that).

As today is the last Sunday of March, many other countries are moving their clocks ahead an hour to what they call "summer time." And yes, many people in those other countries are bitching about how it's stupid, or confusing, or just a general waste of time.

This has prompted London's Daily Telegraph newspaper to come up with an interesting proposal: Put the whole stinkin' world on Greenwich Mean Time. In other words, when it's, say, 11 AM in London, it will also be 11 AM in New York, Chicago, and Tokyo. Yes, it would be confusing at first. But if you think about the benefits, it actually kind of makes sense. Airline flight schedules will be greatly simplified, and we'll no longer argue about how many hours Brussels is ahead of DC.

Most importantly, just how much trouble can Britney Spears get into if she goes clubbing at 7:00 AM?

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Friday, March 23, 2007

A Major In Windows With A Minor In Patching Holes

Thirty two years ago Bill Gates dropped out of college to found some fly-by-night company called Microsoft. He then went on to become the world's richest person, worth an amount even greater than what the war in Iraq costs the United States per month. Now, more than three decades later, Harvard has decided to grant Gates an honorary degree in June when he delivers the university's 356th commencement address.

It's nice to see Gates finally do something productive with his life.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

New International Cuisine: Baghdad Duck

In what can only be described as a sure sign of progress in Iraq, Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon, the head of the United Nations, paid a visit to Baghdad. While there, he met with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.

Afterwards, the two appeared before reporters. Maliki took the opportunity to say that Ban's visit proved that Iraq was on the road to stability. To further emphasize this new "stability," a rocket or mortar round fired by insurgents exploded near the building. Ban then signaled his own faith in the stability of Iraq by ducking behind the podium as small pieces of debris rained down from the ceiling.

The two leaders then demonstrated international unity by cutting the news conference short and leaving the room, presumably to remove the shit from each other's shorts.

1984 Redux

During the 1984 Super Bowl, an unknown company called Apple aired a most unusual commercial. It was for something called a Macintosh, which was apparently a computer intended to be used at: Home (yes, those were bizarre times).

No word on whether this odd concept ever caught on.

The paid ad only aired once on commercial television, though it has since become a touchstone moment of sorts. It was one of the first--if not THE first--"Super Bowl" commercials, and the ad heralded the arrival of the personal computer age. (See the original ad)

Someone has taken that original Mac ad, tweaked it, and turned it into one of the first attack ads of the 2008 presidential campaign. It's quite good, actually. You'll note that the symbol on the front of the runner's shirt has now morphed into a circle. That circle happens to be the logo of the Barack Obama campaign, symbolizing the candidate's refreshing pledge to, um, do lots of stuff with circles or something.

The Washington Post had a piece on the above ad and what represents. At the time it was written, however, the ad's creator was known only as ParkRidge47. An odd name, yes, until one considers that Hillary Clinton was born in Park Ridge, Illinois.... In 1947.

Parkridge 47 has since been identified as a Phil de Vellis, an employee of a company working for the Obama campaign. Upon being outed, he resigned from the firm and says he made the ad entirely on his own. Neither his bosses or the Obama campaign had anything to do with it.

Meanwhile, over at, Jacob Weisberg has prepared an interesting article comparing presidential candidates and serial killers.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Pass The Evian

The Marshall Islands have declared a state of emergency because they are running out of water.

Huh? They're freakin' islands, for crying out loud. Has anyone thought to go outside and look around? They're in the middle of the freakin' Pacific ocean, and they're out of freakin' water!?!?!? How is that even freakin' possible!?!?!?

And don't give me any of that stuff about how drinking salt water will kill you. I'm pretty sure that's just an urban myth... kind of like WMD's.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Everyone Just Act Guilty

Some Republicans have defended the Bush administration's firings of the US Attorneys by pointing out that Bill Clinton fired all 93 of them at the start of his presidency.

Huh? Republicans despise Bill Clinton and all that he stands for with a vengeance. So if the best defense they can mount in defense of Bush is that he did the same thing Clinton did, well, then that's just downright laughable.

Another argument in defense of Bush has been that US Attorneys (US Attorneys are the equivalent of District Attorneys or county prosecutors, except they operate in the Federal Court system) are appointed by the President and can be fired at any time. That's true to a point, except that out of the 486 people that have held the position since the Reagan years, only five have been fired in the middle of a presidential term. The others (including those 93 fired by Clinton) have all been replaced at the beginning of a term. That's standard, much like the Cabinet is replaced when the presidency changes hands.

Even so, the White House could probably have avoided this whole mess if they had simply pointed out that US Attorneys serve at the pleasure of the President. Rather than do that, however, a Justice Department spokesman first said that the eight fired US Attorneys were incompetent. That argument fell apart when it turned out most of these guys had received glowing performance reviews just a few months earlier.

Then Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said that he didn't know anything about the firings because his Chief of Staff handled the matter. Well, that explanation hardly made Gonzalez look good. After all, the 93 US Attorneys report directly to him. They're his personal representatives in the various local jurisdictions. So to say he had no idea of such a major personnel shuffle makes him look like he has no idea what's going on around him.

At another point the White House denied any role in the firings. That worked until a bunch of emails surfaced showing otherwise. Then they tried to blame that on Harriet Meirs, who no longer works there. Again, that was fine until Carl Rove's name popped up in conjunction with some more emails.

Naturally enough, with all the changing stories and explanations and fingerpointing, it eventually starts to look like someone has something to hide. Kind of like a kid blaming his baby brother for a broken lamp even though he's an only child.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Not So Happy Anniversary

Today marks the fourth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. It's a good time to stop and wonder what we have to show for it.

Well, first off, it's no secret that the man responsible for killing almost 3,000 people on September 11, 2001, the man that President Bush vowed to get "dead or alive," the man who continues to inspire his followers while taunting us with his occasional video releases, is still on the loose.

On the other hand, Saddam Hussein is gone. And it's only taken 3202 dead (and still counting) American soldiers to do it.

Is Iraq better off because of Hussein's departure? According to a poll of Iraqis conducted by several news organizations, the answer appears to be no. The country's citizens are gripped by constant fear, and most have lost hope for the future.

Meanwhile, our military has been stretched to the breaking point. Senior officers warn that because of Iraq, the army would be unable to respond to another major trouble spot should the need arise. There are no troops in reserve, and equipment stocks have been dangerously depleted around the world. According to military plans, it will take two to three years AFTER the Iraq war ends to restore those equipment levels to the proper levels.

At least when Clinton lied, it wasn't the rest of the world that ended up going to hell.

Always Better To Be A VIP

Have the recent revelations about substandard conditions at Walter Reed Army Hospital been blown out of proportion? It certainly appears so, since the news media made it seem like the whole building was overrun by mold, mice and roaches.

Now it turns out that like with so many other things in life, the truth is not so simple. There are VIP suites on the top floor, and those are furnished with wall-to-wall carpeting, antique furniture, and fine china. It's a relief to know that while enlisted personnel may have to shoo vermin away from their openly festering war wounds, generals and top politicians don't have to deal with such primitive conditions while they are treated for life threatening hangnails.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

A Genetic Predisposition For Hedonism?

Reverend R. Albert Mohler, a leader of the Southern Baptist Conference, has made an interesting suggestion: A patch for pregnant mothers to keep their babies from being born gay.

While the science behind such a patch is unclear, the good Reverend raises some interesting points. For example, haven't religious leaders long maintained that gayness is a behavioral issue, and that there is no such thing as a predisposition towards homosexuality? If so, then what's the point of the patch?

More importantly, if the fetus does, in fact, have some sort of gay gene, then isn't that the will of The Almighty Himself? Is Mohler suggesting that we mere mortals should start running around thwarting God's will? Is that allowed? Just what version of the Bible is this guy reading?

These are all important questions, and I certainly intend to question the Reverend Mohler the next time I see him hanging out a highway rest area.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Friday, March 16, 2007

Another Damn Flip-Flopper

George W. Bush prides himself on "staying the course." You may recall that in 2004, Bush and his campaign handlers openly mocked Kerry's ever-evolving positions on various matters.

But is such flexibility necessarily bad? Or is the ability to recognize new facts and adapt to changing circumstances a good thing?

More than 200 years ago, one of America's founding fathers wasn't afraid to change his mind. James Madison--our fourth President--initially resisted calls for a Bill of Rights to be included in the new Constitution. He felt that such an addition would be redundant, since most of those freedoms were understood to be guaranteed by other sections of the Constitution.

Eventually, however, Madison came to not only realize that he was wrong, but to have the guts to admit his mistake. Once he threw his weight behind the Bill of Rights, it was adopted by the Continental Congress and became the first ten amendments to our Constitution.

Good thing Bush wasn't around back then, or he would have branded Adams a flip-flopper.

Not All Religious Nutjobs Are Muslims

A one-time human rights activist and political prisoner from the former Soviet Union, Michail J. Makarenko, was killed yesterday on the New Jersey Turnpike. No, not in a car accident, though you really can't be blamed for making that assumption. So how did he die then? He was beaten to death.... By a guy trying to sell him a Christian music CD.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to be a lot nicer the next time Mormon missionaries show up at my door.

More News From That Wretched Hive Of Scum And Villiany

About a month ago rumblings of some questionable firings of several Federal prosecutors began to surface. The allegations were that the prosecutors weren't moving fast enough on some investigations against Democrats. The White House naturally denied any involvement in the matter, and Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez assured Congress that the prosecutors in question were fired because they were "underperforming" (Insert Viagra joke here).

Earlier in the week we learned that it was indeed the White House which first pressed for the firings some two years ago. The blame for the fiasco (the firings fiasco, which is not to be confused with the Iraq fiasco, or the neglected Veterans fiasco, or the Scooter Libby fiasco, or the Hurricane Katrina fiasco) was originally directed at former White House counsel Harriet E. Miers. This was convenient, since Ms. Miers was no longer working there.

New emails uncovered today, however, indicate that top presidential adviser Karl "Jaba the Hut" Rove had a role in the firings. According to this new email from 2005, the White House was looking to get rid of prosecutors who weren't "loyal Bushies."

Hmmmm.... Nothing wrong with that.

Adding to the White House's woes is the news from last week that the FBI had been improperly gathering information on Americans. This cuts to the very heart of one of the main arguments against the so-called Patriot Act, which was adopted in the weeks after 9-11: You can't trust the FBI to properly restrain itself, and that's why it's dangerous to NOT require court orders.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Going In Circles

Vice President Dick Cheney says that antiwar Congressmen and Senators are "undermining" American troops in Iraq. Pretty strong words, especially coming from one of the chief architects of this fiasco.

Most Capital Hill lawmakers--and a solid majority of Americans--have no problem with a "War on Terror...." Provided, of course, the War on Terror is fought in countries that actually harbor terrorists.

What makes my head spin is when Cheney, Bush, and any number of those other idiots, point at Iraq and say "it's full of terrorists!" Well, yes it is.... NOW. The problem most people have with the current conflict is that there were no terrorists in Iraq until we invaded and deposed Saddam.

The same is true of the argument for invading Iran. Yes, they are probably supplying insurgents. And yes, they are fanning the flames of civil war as well. And yes, they are contributing to the overall instability of Iraq. But the whole reason they are able to do all of that is because we invaded Iraq.

And the war's supporters argue we can't pull out now because Iraq is a complete mess. Well, yes it is. In fact, it's a giant, fly infested, steaming pile of fermenting camel crap. And why is it such a disaster? Because we invaded the freakin' place!!!!

In other words, the Bush people continue to justify the war--and push for a new one--based on a twisted reality that is entirely of their own creation.

If nothing else, it's a great argument for keeping LSD illegal.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Nice Turban. Everyone Duck.

According to a number of law enforcement agencies in Europe, terrorists are becoming harder to profile.

Uh-oh. If these guys ever stop wearing turbans, then we're REALLY fucked.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Have you ever wondered what would happen if you crossed Steve Jobs' chromosomes with George W. Bush's? Neither have I. However, MadTV has taken it upon itself to address this important non-existent question, and the answer is truly terrifying:

Monday, March 12, 2007

Hurricane FEMA

Workers from the Federal Emergency Management something or Another recently gave 48 families living in a trailer park two days to clear out. The families had been there since shortly after Hurricane Katrina decimated New Orleans.

Those ordered to leave were given minimal guidance on where to go next, or advice on how to pick up the tattered remains of their lives. And any questions they had were met with an attitude of callous indifference. Essentially, these poor lost souls were left to fend for themselves.

How dare the Bush Administration treat these poor people like.... Like.... Like Veterans!

Or Maybe He Was An Apple Man

A man in Casablanca, Morocco, walked into an internet cafe and blew himself up.

Guess some people really, really, REALLY, REALLY hate Windows Vista.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Where Are The Teamsters When You Really Need Them?

In what can only be described as one of the greatest injustices of our time, Lisa Nowak--the astronaut turned diaper-wearing homicidal maniac--has been fired by NASA. If nothing else, this shows the abuse of power that management can heap on lowly employess when there is no labor union to protect the interests of common working folks.

If NASA had played fair, and followed generally accepted guidelines used by most employers, they would have first given Nowak a verbal reprimand for trying to kidnap and kill her romantic rival. And the keyword here is "trying;" let's keep in mind that she didn't even succeed in pulling off her plan.

If in the future Nowak does this again and actually succeeds in stuffing her boyfriend's girlfriend in the trunk of her car, then it's clearly time to escalate the disciplinary action to be taken and issue a written warning.

Finally, if Nowak persists in her behavior, and eventually succeeds in killing and dismembering someone, THEN it's probably okay to fire her.

The Times, They Are A-Changin'

Incidentally, could someone please explain to USAToday that we did NOT magically pick up an extra hour of daylight because of the time change? All we did was change the times that the sun rises and sets. The length of daylight, however, is essentially the same as yesterday.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, But Let's Have A Pajama Party

Michael Jackson recently visited with thousands of American troops at a military base in Japan.

My God.... Has the situation in Iraq gotten so desperate that we're letting 13 year old boys join the army?

Friday, March 09, 2007

So Simple Even A Caveman Can Run A Network

In a further indication that the death of western civilization is finally upon us, ABC Television has announced that it is ordering a pilot based on... the Geico caveman commercials.

No immediate word on who will star as the insurance-challenged Neanderthals, but presumably it won't be the ones from the ads. At least one of the actors is already in a series on TBS.

It is not clear what the executives at ABC were thinking, or if some sort of recreational drug use was involved when they came up with this idea. While the ads are somewhat amusing, most people seem to hate them. How that hatred is supposed to translate into millions of viewers is not immediately clear.

Now if one of the network suits really wanted to look like a programing genius, why not turn the Victoria Secrets ads into a weekly series? Hell, guys would be tripping all over one another to get to a big screen TV for that!

The bigger danger is that the caveman show may further embolden the evangelical religious nutjobs who advocate the teaching of Intelligent Design in schools. They've gone as far as to build an Intelligent Design museum in Kentucky, continue to insist that the Earth is only 6,000 years old, and that man lived alongside dinosaurs... though so far they have stopped short of saying that Adam and Eve used to milk a domesticated Tyrannosaurus Rex.

It's bad enough that these people think The Flintstones is a documentary, but do we need to confuse them even further with a TV series about cavemen living in modern times?

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

A Prediction

When Obi-Wan Kenobi told young Luke that he "will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy" than Mos Eisley spaceport, it's likely that the old Jedi master hadn't yet heard of the Bush White House.

Even so, justice is slowly being served. Yesterday, Scooter Libby was convicted on four of five counts of lying to the FBI and perjury. The case stemmed from the investigation into who revealed the name of a CIA operative back in 2002. Since this operative was the wife of an early critic of the Iraq war who dared question allegations that Saddam had been buying uranium, speculation was that someone in the White House had revealed the name in retribution.

Whether the outing of the agent was deliberate or accidental remains unresolved. So then what was the trial about? Well, basically Libby was caught trying to cover up what may or may not have been a crime.

Yeah, it makes my brain hurt, too.

Even so, the fact that Libby was Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff strongly suggests that he acted on orders from the Vice President. The problem is that no one has been able to actually prove that Cheney is a Dark Lord of the Sith.

So what happens to Libby now? Will he go to Federal prison and end up getting gang raped while picking up the soap? Unfortunately, that's doubtful. Libby won't be sentenced for a couple of months, and then his lawyers will likely file an appeal. That means Libby will remain free until the new trial.

By the time that concludes, it will likely be November of 2008. And why is that significant? Well, because I honestly believe that George W. Bush will pardon Libby after next year's elections.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Time To Repave

It appears that the road to success in Iraq has a lot of potholes.

Nine U.S. soldiers were killed Monday, including six in a single roadside bombing. Aside from deaths caused by downed helicopters, that makes yesterday the single deadliest day for Americans in months.

And a series of suicide bombings claimed the lives of at least 118 Shiites making a religious pilgrimage.

I'm sorry, but if you're a Shiite, and you go on a pilgrimage, it would seem that you're just asking for trouble. If they had any damn sense, they'd stay home and watch TV.

Monday, March 05, 2007


Among the articles on the front page of today's Washington Post was this shocker: No U.S. Backup Strategy For Iraq.

Well, DUH!!!! Of course there's no backup plan! That would imply that there was a plan to begin with!

Employment Opportunities

Wal-Mart has fired a technician for eavesdropping. The unnamed tech employee was caught monitoring company phone calls between the company's public relations department and a reporter, as well as intercepting non-company text messages and emails.

Well, he can always get a job at the White House.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Putin On The Hits

Fifty three year old Paul Joyal was shot and seriously wounded in the driveway of his home last home. Unfortunate, but things like that happen in this world of ours. Most people would just shrug it off as a robbery gone bad.

What makes Joyal's case unusual, however, is that he is a renown expert on Russian politics and a longtime critic of Russian President Vladimer Putin. He also served as a staff member of the United States Senate's intelligence committee. Interesting, you say, but so what? Well, add to that the fact just four days before getting shot, Joyal appeared on Dateline NBC and accused Putin of being behind last year's death of Alexander Litvinenko from radiation poisoning.

Needless to say, all this has led to rampant speculation that Joyal was targeted for "termination" by Russian agents because of his big mouth. And if that does turn out to be the case, it will mean that no one anywhere in the world will dare criticize the Russian leader.

Um.... Have I ever mentioned how much I admire Putin? I think he's a wonderful human being, and quite possibly the greatest leader ever to walk the Earth. I would never, ever say anything critical about him. Really. I love the guy.

Heck, I'm not ashamed to admit that I want to bear his child.

Several, in fact.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

More Damn Illegal Aliens

The United States has recently seen an alarming spike in UFO sitings. The Phoenix area has been one hotbed of activity, and United Airlines pilots have reported seeing a large saucer-like object over Chicago's O'Hare Airport. It remains unclear why there are so many different kinds of UFO's. And in some cases, even similar shaped ones may have differences in the coloring of their lights.

Then again, maybe it's all about how individual aliens pimp their rides.

The reason for the recent increase in reports remains a mystery. Is it a harbinger of an invasion of even more illegal aliens? Could they finally be getting ready to make contact? If so, we best keep Dick Cheney away from the landing site or he may shoot an alien in the face and trigger an interstellar war.

Actually, that might be a good thing. The Klingons might greet us as liberators.

A former Canadian Defense Minister says that maybe the aliens are here to combat global warming. His theory, however, is dependent on the assumption that spacecraft from Alpha Centauri do not use internal combustion engines.

On the other hand, maybe the intergalactic community just wants to see where Anna Nicole finally ended up getting buried....

Friday, March 02, 2007

Hope He Doesn't Shoot Me In The Face

In a speech to a conservative group, Vice President Dick Cheney warned against a hasty pullout from Iraq. He also reiterated the Administration line that if we don't fight the terrorists there, we will have to fight them here.

I completely agree.

After all, we've only been fighting in Iraq for four years now. That's only slightly longer than it took us to kick the asses of both the Germans AND the Japanese in World War II, so sacrificing even more American lives in tiny little Iraq is certainly worth the effort.

And I certainly don't want to buy a frozen burrito in a 7-11, then have to fight Muslim extremists for access to the microwave oven.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

One Crazy Pair Of Siblings

The past year's El Nino--a periodic warming of the Pacific off the coast of South America--is history. Some atmospheric scientists say that it was El Nino's westerly winds that protected the U.S. from major hurricanes last year by breaking up the storms before they had a chance to intensify. Some also credit El Nino for the mild December we had.

But now there is a La Nina brewing. Sometimes described as El Nino's evil twin, La Nina is a cooling of the same region of the Pacific. And among other things, it means more hurricanes for the eastern U.S.

Dang! I knew I shouldn't have bought that house in New Orleans....