Sunday, September 30, 2012

Thursday, September 27, 2012

There was horror in the skies over Kansas last night. Mitt Romney had a bunch of his top donors on his campaign plane and was flying them across the country. At some point Mitt decided it was feeling kind of stuffy on board, so he rolled down a window to get some fresh air.

As a result, the plane had to make an emergency landing in Wichita, but not before several billionaires were sucked out of the aircraft at 35,000 feet. David Koch's fat ass finally plugged the hole, preventing further loss of life.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Be Scared Be. VERY Scared. can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous....”
--Mitt Romney on 9/22/2012.
Dear God. There's a frighteningly real chance this asshat could end up as our next President. And even more scary? He'd end up making George W. Bush look like Albert Freaking Einstein.

Monday, September 24, 2012

Thursday, September 20, 2012

So How's That Faith Healing Thing Working Out for You?

Two parents have avoided jail after admitting they let their son, 16, die in horrible agony because they chose to 'pray away' his burst appendix and refused to take him to the hospital. Russel and Brandi Bellew, age 39 and 36, of Creswell, Oregon, pleaded guilty to criminally negligent homicide on Tuesday and were sentenced to five years probation after reaching a plea deal with prosecutors.

The couple, who had seven children before Austin Sprout's death, are members of the General Assembly and the Church of the First Born in nearby Pleasant Hill, which shuns modern medicine and teaches parishioners that faith healing and prayer will cure disease.

The parents should fall to their knees and thank God that Oregon doesn't consider stupidity a capital crime.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Monday, September 17, 2012

Mei Xiang, the female panda at DC's National Zoo, gave birth to a cub last night. The little tyke was born at 10:46 PM,and by 10:47 Mitt Romney was holding a press conference to condemn the out-of-wedlock birth. The candidate pointed out that the National Zoo is part of the Smithsonian, which receives government funding, and therefore "the whole sorry affair is President Obama's fault, and a prime example of the decline of American morals under this administration."

"Also," added Romney, "pandas are both black AND white, much like our failed President."

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Friday, September 14, 2012

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Pass the Hypocrisy, Please

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Never Forget

Monday, September 10, 2012

What the Fudge?

A couple of months ago I recorded "Breaking Bad" when AMC reran the series from the beginning. Finally got around to watching the first episode. The commercials are bad enough, but the worst part? The bastards censored the bad language!!! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is THAT about?!?! The reruns aired in the middle of the night on a cable channel, so why is the cleaned up lingo necessary?

I just checked and the series is available for streaming on Netflix. I had dropped them when they restructured their pricing last year, but I guess I'm going back. I do like my dirty words.

Sunday, September 09, 2012

Hey, the dude is older than dirt. And I mean that literally: He's older than dirt. He made the dirt, which means He was around before the dirt was. Otherwise the dirt would never have gotten made. Which actually wouldn't have been a bad situation, because then we'd never have to do any laundry!

Anyway, my point is, give the guy a break if He gets a little forgetful sometimes.

Friday, September 07, 2012

Definitive Proof the Moon Landing Was Faked

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

I would add to this list any number of other dead terrorists, and a number of dead Somali pirates.

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Saturday, September 01, 2012