Just Admit We F*cked Up

In a recent speech, Vice President Dick Cheney said that “Failure in Iraq would embolden al Qaeda and other like-minded groups." He went on to say that Iraq would become a training ground for terrorists much like Afghanistan did in the '90s.

Well, that may well be true. But the problem with his logic is that whole reason this quandry exists in the first place is because we invaded Iraq, deposed the existing government, created a power vacuum, occupied a sovereign nation, and destabilized the entire Middle East. In other words, it's our fault.

In fact, every argument for staying in Iraq gets back to the same cause and effect: The reason the situation exists is because we invaded.

Undue influence in Iraq from Iran? Yes, but that's only because we provided the opening for Iran.

Civil war between the Sunnis and Shiites? Only because we got rid of the dictator that kept a tight lid on that situation.

Al Qaeda might turn Iraq into a training ground? Yes, but only because we invaded and provided them with the opportunity. The simple fact is that there was no Al Qaeda in Iraq while Saddam was in power.

Just once I would like to hear Bush or Cheney take responsibility for creating this mess.

What Do We have If Not Our Dreams?

In what may be a major setback for the Britney Spears presidential campaign, the singer turned tabloid star rear ended an SUV in Beverly Hills.

Coincidentally, it's always been my dream to do the same with her

But Where Will We Park Our SUV's?

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Several regions of the country went through droughts last year, and citizens in those areas were asked to conserve water. Most people complied voluntarily, and now they're being rewarded.... With higher rates.

Yes, it's true. People in drought stricken communities did such a good job with conservation that the utilities responsible for supplying the water suffered severe drops in revenue. This in turn created problems when it came to servicing local bond issues, and so they are now being forced to raise their rates to make up for the losses. Users of Atlanta's water are seeing a 15% rate increase, and customers in Florida are being hit with surcharges to cover the utilities' losses.

For more details, scroll down to the post for Saturday, May 10.

Is Anyone Out There? Besides This Sequel, I Mean

In case anyone out there still cares about the X-Files, here's the trailer for the new movie coming out this summer. I'm already predicting that this film and the Indiana Jones flik will be tied for "The Most Over-Hyped And Ultimately Disappointing Movie of 2008."

Still, I'll be there on opening day, munching on my $12 tub of popcorn.

Flush The Friendly Skies

A man is suing jetBlue Airlines because he was allegedly force to spend the flight sitting on a toilet.

Gokhan Mutlu arrived at the San Diego airport only to discover that his flight was overbooked. An off duty airline employee agreed to give up her regular seat and instead sit in one of the jump seats, which are reserved for employees. Midway through the flight, however, Mutlu was told that the employee wanted her original seat back, and that he just go "hang out" in the men's room. Mutlu claims this humiliated him, and now he wants $2 million in damages.

It's not clear exactly why Mutlu found this to be so humiliating. In fact, wouldn't Mutlu have been better off just keeping his yap shut? That way no one else would ever have know about it. But by filing the lawsuit, he has now alerted the entire freakin' world to what happened.

Even worse, Senator Larry Craig has now called Mutlu and offered to share a men's room the next time he needs to fly.

A Crying Shame

Every now and then, we learn of new outrage perpetrated by our military leaders against those serving under them. And by "those serving under them," I mean the soldiers that are doing the actual fighting and dying in our current wars.

Last year it was the shameful treatment of the wounded at Walter Reed Army Hospital, supposedly our nation's finest facility to treat those wounded in service to their country. Not only were many soldiers being given substandard care, they were staying in squalid conditions.

Then a couple of weeks we learned of horrible conditions in the barracks at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Again, it was the grunts who were being forced to put up with leaking ceilings and perpetually stopped-up plumbing.

Now, in what may be the greatest sign of indifference by our nation's leadership, comes word that at least 200 soldiers have been cremated at a facility in Delaware that normally handles PET cremations.

Whenever these various stories have come to light, Pentagon officials react with shock and outrage that such things exist.

What bullshit.

The fact that these situations exist in the first place means that someone in authority thinks they are acceptable. And the reason they think such conditions are acceptable is simply a reflection of profound indifference at the top of the chain of command.

Sure, people like President George Bush and Defense Secretary Robert Gates speak eloquently about the sacrifices made by the fallen, but what about their actions? How often has Bush or Gates actually traveled to Dover Air Force in Delaware, to the morgue that handles all the bodies of all military personnel killed overseas? How often have they bothered to honor those rows of coffins coming out of the military transport planes by showing up in person?

The only reason the cremation story became public is because some anonymous Pentagon officer finally did just that. He went to Dover to honor a fallen comrade who was returning to American soil.

Sure, some people will say that there's no way Bush could have known about this, that it's not his fault. On the contrary, it's entirely his responsibility. He got us into the Iraq mess, and now we're stuck. The conflict has now gone on so long that the deaths of our soldiers have become routine. There's no longer anything special about them. A coffin is just another package, and treated with no more dignity than a U.P.S. shipment.

And that's a crying shame.

Someone Give This Man A Dictionary

Mountain Go Boom

Here's a rather cool video of that volcanic eruption in Chile. Still, it pales in comparison to eruptions of John McCain's temper.

Maybe He Should Just Keep His Family Values In His Pants

I know I seem to single out Republicans for their sex scandals. Sorry, but it can't helped. All too often Republican politicians take a holier-than-thou attitude and don't hesitate to tell the rest of us on how to live our lives. And more often than not, that means lecturing us sinners on the importance of family values.

So when one of those Bible thumping weasels gets embroiled in a sex scandal, I can't help but sit back and chortle with glee. Out of fairness to the Republicans, not all of their naughty actions involve the same sex. On occasion some of them have been known to get involved in heterosexual scandals. And when they do, it's a real humdinger.

Case in point: Vito Fossella, a GOP congressman from New York City, was arrested last week for drunk driving. While that's certainly embarrassing, it's certainly not as bad as, say, getting caught assuming a wide stance in an airport mens room.

What makes it interesting, however, is that Fossella told arresting officers he was on his way to pick up his sick daughter. This apparently made the New York Daily News just a wee bit suspicious, since his family lives in New York.

So the newspaper did a bit of poking around. Turns out that not only had the Congressman been carrying on a longtime affair with a female Air Force officer, but he had fathered a child by her.

I guess some Republicans just believe so strongly in family values that it's hard to confine those values to just one family!

No Need To Hurry

Another Reason To Fear Your Inbox

Just what the world needs: Spiritual spam.

Yes, if the constant barrage of emails from strangers suggesting that maybe your pecker isn't big enough, now we're going to have to contend with spam spreading Biblical messages. And the kicker: They tell you that to prove your love for God, you need to forward the message to even more people.

Good grief.

What makes this new scourge even more insidious is that the spam will be coming from people you know and are presumably already in your address book. That means your spam filter won't catch the stuff.

There are several people in my family who are devout Catholics. As a devout atheist, I can only pray that they don't start sending me this stuff.

Hanging Tough

Despite mounting pressure from Democratic party leaders, Hillary Clinton is vowing to stay in the race. On the one hand, her persistence is admirable. But viewed another way, her desire to fight in the face of all reason, and her inability to see that she has been reduced to a state of complete irrelevance, makes her look downright pathetic.

On the other hand, at least she has something in common with George Bush.

It is hard to see what she has to gain at this point. Her continued presence in the contest only serves to prolong the deepening rift in the Democratic party. While some competition and choice is good, there does come a point of diminishing returns. By forcing the contest to go on between herself and Obama, it further delays turning the party's attention to the true evil force in this presidential race: John McCain.

At some point the Democrats will have to try and unite behind Obama. Will they be able to do it? Will Clinton's supporters be willing to put the bitterness behind themselves? It may be hard to believe right now, but once they realize that alternative is essentially a third term of George Bush, they'll be tripping over one another to pledge their very souls to Obama.

People have on occasion asked me what I don't support Hillary Clinton. Do I have something against her?

No, not really. But I do believe that she's not as "electable" as Obama. Forty eight percent of Americans have a negative view of Hillary Clinton, and would not vote for her under any circumstance. Additionally, she would be a divisive leader. And after eight years of Bush, the last thing this nation needs is more divisiveness.

And do we really need Bill Clinton in the White House for another four years? Hell, when he was busy being President he STILL managed to get himself into all sorts of trouble. Now try to imagine him still surrounded with the same temptations but with all sorts of free time on his hands!

Unlike some people, I would have no problem voting for a woman for President. I'm open minded. But Hillary's just not the right woman for the job. Quite frankly, she's not good looking enough. Seriously, have you seen the size of her thighs? There's a reason she's always wearing pantsuits: It's to keep from frightening the American public.

If America is to elect a female President, it's important that she be a hot babe. That's why if Britney Spears ever announces her candidacy, I'll be the first one to replace his Obama bumper sticker.

Comcast Tests Its Limits

Comcast has been criticized in the past for arbitrarily imposing bandwidth caps on its internet customers. Problem was, they never explained what that limit was, nor did they provide any way of checking your usage.

That may finally be about to change. The company is considering imposing a 250 gigabyte limit per month. That's they equivalent of 50 hi-def movies, 250 standard movies, 6,000 songs, or 30,000 pictures of Britney without her underwear. If someone exceeds those limits, they will be charged an additional $15 for every ten gigs.

Whatever other complaints I may have had about Comcast in the past, this certainly seems more than fair. Time-Warner, for example, has previously said that five percent of their customers use 50% of their bandwidth. More importantly, bandwidth hogs tend to slow down the network for everyone else, so it certainly seems fair to make them pay extra.

It also starts to bring internet usage more in line with how we pay for electricity, gas, and water. After all, if the power company charged a flat rate for unlimited electricity use, I'd run my air conditioning non-stop and wear a coat indoors during July.

I Got Your Impeachment Right Here, Pal

Ohio's Attorney General, Marc Dann, is now facing possible impeachment after resisting calls to voluntarily resign. Among other problems, he has admitted to having a consensual sexual relationship with a female staff member. He has also been accused of condoning sexual harassment in his office and hosting wild, drunken parties.

While it remains unclear if any laws have actually been broken, this story does illustrate an important difference between the two dominant parties in American politics: When Democrats engage in sexual shenanigans, it's with members of the opposite sex.

And The Winner Is.... Um, Does Anyone Know?

Well, for the Democrats, it's all over but the shouting.... And count on plenty more of that over the next few weeks.

Yesterday's primaries in Indiana and North Carolina have concluded the major delegate selecting processes. North Carolina was a clear victory for Obama; Indiana went for Clinton in a squeaker. Even so, the day is a clear loss for the former First Lady. She had hoped to win both states, thereby solidifying her argument that she should be the nominee. Not only did that not happen, but Obama ended up with more delegates won for the day.

The outcome of the race now falls to the so-called "Super-Delegates." Uncommitted for the most part, they are generally party leaders or elected officials who run around in tights fighting crime and get to go the convention no matter what. A few months ago no one expected them to be a factor in deciding who the nominee would be. Now the final choice will be entirely up to them.... Unless Hillary Clinton gracefully bows out. At this point, however, don't look for that to happen.

Ironically, it was Clinton who, after winning Pennsylvania, famously asked why Obama hadn't been able to put her away and lock up the nomination. Well, the same question can be asked of her: Why hasn't she locked up the nomination? As recently as last November, everyone expected her to be the nominee in a cakewalk. Not only did that not happen, but the bakery is in shambles and Obama has stolen the recipe from the Clinton campaign.

This basically means that Obama will be the nominee. He has won more states, more delegates (though not a majority), and more popular votes. Clinton's's only argument is that she has won more of the large states.

In other words, we finally have a woman publicly admitting that size does matter.

When Hypocrisy Sneaks Up & Bites You On The Ass

The death toll from that cyclone that hit Burma (or Myanmar, or whatever the hell the dictatorship is calling itself at the moment) is now up to 22,000, and the country's 2008 shaving cream crop has been devastated. The military junta that now rules the small nation with an iron fist has been criticized for its slow response to the crisis.

In fact, the latest to weigh in on the matter has been none other than Laura Bush. Specifically, she used the word "inept" to describe the Burmese government's response to the deadly storm.

The First Lady's words carry a lot of weight in this matter. After all, she has first hand experience witnessing a nation's leaders fail to respond to a major weather disaster.

That said, I've searched Google and failed to find a similar quote from Mrs. Bush describing her own husband's response to Hurricane Katrina. I wonder why that is?

Scientific Proof That Ignorance Is Bliss

At Least He Wasn't Doing It With The Altar Boys

A Roman Catholic priest in Texas has been sentenced to four years for having sex with inmates at a prison. Now before any of you start jumping to conclusions, it should be pointed out that this latest tale of a priest handing out Communion with something other than the traditional Communion wafer has an unusual twist: He was having sex with women in a women's prison.

That makes it kinda okay.

The Importance Of Exit Strategies

If Only They Had Known Then What We Know Now

According a new study out of Argentina, Neanderthals were an entirely separate species from humans.

You know, if our Founding Fathers had thought to include a "humans only" requirement for President in the Constitution, we could have have avoided the last seven years entirely.

Today's "Feel Good" Video

Will Congress Assert Its Authority?

Here's an interesting article from a couple of Yale School of Law professors: The Iraq war will become illegal on January 1, 2009.

Their argument is that the United Nations resolution that authorized the invasion of Iraq is scheduled to expire on December 31, and the Bush administration has already said it will not seek an extension from the UN.

The administration is currently seeking a separate agreement with the so-called Iraqi "government" led by Nouri al-Maliki. The potential legal problem arises because any such agreement should be submitted to Congress for approval. The reason is because under the Constitution, the power to wage war is reserved for Congress.

The current authorization from Congress, while not a formal Declaration of War, is based on the existing UN resolution. The professors' argue that once that UN resolution expires, so does Congress' current authorization.

While the pair raises some interesting legal points, don't expect Bush to yield on this. He hasn't given a crap about the Constitution for the last seven years, and there's no reason to think he'll start now.

No Scheduling Conflicts Here

Okay, so guess what I'm doing at the moment....

Now a lot of you are probably thinking that's a silly question. Obviously I'm sitting at my keyboard, typing these words. And you know what? You're wrong. I'm not.

Blogger has FINALLY gotten around to instituting scheduled post publishing. Now those of us with no lives can write our posts, and schedule them to magically show up on our blogs at a later time! That enables us bloggers to better schedule our time between pontificating online and playing with our vast collections of comic book action figures. Don't laugh; It's not easy lining up the X-Men to do battle with the bridge crew of the Enterprise D while still leaving everyone in their original factory packaging.

And is that what I'll be doing at 12:15 this afternoon, when this post will publish itself? Actually no.

I'll be in the bathroom, soaking in the, um, "artistic value" of the Miley Cyrus photos, while simultaneously ensuring the continued good health of my prostate.

Everybody Panic

I'm frightened. Frightened for myself, frightened for the future of mankind, and frightened for the future of civilization on Earth. The reason for my terror?

YouTube is down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe Ringo's Still Available

That Explains My Sticky Keyboard

According to a new study, men who masturbate at least five times a week are one third less likely to develop prostate cancer during their lifetimes.

Well, if I did my math correctly, that means I should have a zero percent chance of ever developing it.

When Wright Is Wrong

Are you near a window? Take a look outside. See that smoke on the horizon? That's what remains of Barack Obama's campaign after it was torpedoed by none other than his own minister. The U.S.S. Hope is now taking on water, listing seriously to port, and in danger of going down for good. That would leave the U.S.S. Hillary unchallenged in Democratic waters.

For those of you who missed it, about a month ago a video surfaced of the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Obama's longtime minister in Chicago, delivering fiery sermons in which he blamed the world's evils on us white folk. Hoping to quell the ensuing controversy, Obama delivered an eloquent speech on race relations in 21st century America.

Just as the uproar seemed to be settling down, here comes the Reverend Wright seeking to clarify his past statements. Instead of saying that his words were somehow misunderstood or taken out of context, Wright laid it on even thicker than before. He blamed AIDS on the man, said that drag addiction among black Americans was a government plot, and that 9/11 was America's chickens coming home to roost. He even said that the only reason Obama distanced himself from Wright earlier was to placate the white man. As a result, the whole controversy has flared up again. Recent polls show Obama's popularity taking a serious hit. This is bad news for the Obama campaign, especially with crucial primaries coming up in Indiana and North Carolina on Tuesday.

More importantly, this controversy is unfortunate. With all the problems (problems largely the result of the Bush administration) facing our nation today, people are losing their focus on what's important. Who cares what a crazy preacher has to say? Hell, most people tend to sleep through Sunday sermons anyway, so why start giving a shit about them now?

Now I'm all for free speech, but damn, use some judgment. Voicing your opinion is one thing, but that doesn't justify spewing hate and vitriol all over the place. And what just what the hell kind of religion is Wright representing? It doesn't sound particularly Christian to me. Not when you use your religious pulpit to advocate hate, suspicion, and intolerance--regardless of which race is targeted.

More importantly, one has to question Wright's motivations in his recent moves. Was he really seeking to clarify his thoughts, or taking advantage of the sudden publicity he had received in a bid to masturbate his own ego? Hard to say, but don't stand in front of him unless you're armed with a roll of paper towels.

I still support Obama, mainly because his message of hope is just what America needs. After seven years of George W. Bush constantly invoking the fear of a fiery death at the hands of terrorists, it's time for a change. Even more importantly, Obama is just damn eloquent. His speeches are just downright inspirational. And who gives a crap whether they really mean anything? Sometimes it's just feels good to, well, feel good about your future. And after George W. Bush, an intellectual dwarf who could barely put together a coherent sentence using the simplest of monosyllabic words, that would be a welcome change.

Ya Gotta Love Free Speech!