Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry, Er, Holiday Day

There has suddenly been a lot of controversy this year over how to convey one's holiday greetings. Suddenly "Merry Christmas" was out because it might be offensive to Jewish people or Muslims or atheists or followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Then there was a backlash from conservatives against this sudden onslaught of political correctness run amok, who argued it was "Christmas, for crying out loud, and they're called Christmas trees and Christmas presents and Christmas sales and Christmas caroles!" Then they would collapse, gasping for air.

Personally I've always used "happy holidays" myself, but not because I didn't want to offend anyone. It was simply a habit borne of laziness; instead of saying "Merry Christmas and happy New Year" I would say "happy holidays." Why use six words when I could convey the same message with two? That way I could spend more time lounging in my recliner!

But when this "happy holidays" thing erupted into some sort of religious controversy, I was left in a tough spot: Do I keep using "happy holidays," thus conveying the impression that I'm some sort of PC nut? Or do I go back to "Merry Christmas and happy New Year," thereby risking exhaustion from the extra exertion? I suddenly had to do some deep soul searching.

And I learned something important about myself in doing so: My soul is a deep, dark, murky abyss populated by all sorts of strange creatures, some of which can't possibly be the product of evolution. But I also discovered that I'm just plain, well, "ornery." In other words, I get off on always disagreeing with the status quo, whatever it may be. So even if Kerry had won the election, I'd still be bitching about what an idiot the President is, and how much better off we would be if only Bush had won a second term.

Frankly, this scared the holy crap out of me and I immediately stopped my soul searching.

So anyway, in recent days whenever a sales clerk did actually wish me "Merry Christmas," I would respond with "You too, and thanks for saying Christmas." On the other hand, if someone said "happy holidays" I would politely ask, "Oh? Which holidays." Then I would stand there, waiting for an answer and pissing off the 25 people still waiting in line behind me.

I realize this solution isn't much of one, so I plan to use the coming 11 months to come up with a plan.... Something Bush should have done before he invaded--oh, never mind.

Merry holidays to all of you!

0 thoughtful ramblings: