O Tannenbaum

People sometimes say to me, "Hey, Lugosi, or whatever your real name is, do you put up a Christmas tree?

And I say, "Yes, of course I do. Every year during the first week of December."

"Oh, that's nice," they reply. "Is it a real tree, or an artificial one?"

"Neither," I say. "It's a GIF."

So then the nosy SOB's will give me a puzzled look and ask, "A what?"

Then I roll my eyes, and with a condescending tone usually reserved for dealing with five year olds I reply, "A GIF, you moronic, oversized five year old. It's on my website." Then I give them a spritz of pepper spray and say, "Do I even know you? Why do you keep following me around? Get the hell away from me before I call the cops!"

Merry Christmas!!