Congratulations are in order to NASA, which, having mastered the whole metric to english conversion thing, finally managed to land something on Mars.... Intact. Triumphant rocket scientists at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena celebrated by cheering, hugging each other, and throwing their pocket protectors into the air.

The Spirit Lander carried a 384 pound mobile rover which, assuming it doesn't need a jump start, will be able to drive around and poke at rocks, after which it will drive around some more and poke at rocks, at which point it will drive around more and poke at rocks. Then, depending on how much power the rover has left, it may drive some more and poke at... boulders.

This comes on the heels of the Stardust spacecraft's successful fly-by of Comet Wild 2. The vessel successfully collected samples from the celestial traveler's tail, and it will return them to Earth in 2006 for study. Shortly after that, a careless scientist will become infected by an alien microbe which will begin using human hosts to propagate it's own species. Full-size alien beings will begin erupting from the chests of their hapless hosts, leading to the eventual extinction of mankind.

Democrats will blame President Bush for the fiasco.