Forget Area 51--The Aliens Are In Utah

One of the questions man has long pondered is whether we are alone in this vast universe of ours. Personally, I believe it's rather arrogant to think that we are. But the goal of finally settling the debate with irrefutable truth--one way or another--remains a long way off. I'm doing my part for science by constantly running the seti@home program on my computer.

But instead of looking to the skies for the answer, perhaps we should look closer to home. Perhaps aliens--however dimwitted--have been living among us for years. How else to explain what is going on in Randolph, Utah?

Randolph is a small town some 100 miles or so north of Salt Lake City. And while President Bush's approval ratings have dropped to 42% nationally, admiration for him remains at a healthy 61% in Utah . And in Randolph, that approval rating is virtually unanimous.

In fact, while Bush squeaked by with barely over half of the popular vote in 2004, Utah's citizenry voted for him with a 71% majority. Randolph has the distinction of having the highest margin for the President of any community in the state: 95.6%! This, of course, raises the question of why.

Doesn't it matter to these folks that this President of the United States led them into a war with questionable justification, while allowing the butcher who slaughtered 3,000 of their fellow citizens on 9/11 to remain free?

Doesn't it matter to them that this President, who has repeatedly sworn to protect the lives of Americans, ignored advance warnings of a major disaster last summer and allowed 1500 people to drown like dogs?

Doesn't it matter to these people that this President has betrayed the core principles of the Republican party and allowed to the Federal government to become even more bloated, to extend its control over the everyday lives of ordinary Americans, and to run up record deficits?

No, apparently not, and the only reasonable explanation for their continued faith in this President is that they are from another freaking planet.