People sometimes ask if I've finished putting up my Christmas tree. They seem to be under the mistaken idea that you need one to fully get into the spirit of Christmas. But I just don't get that.

Putting up a tree is nothing more than a major hassle. First of all, you have to go out and buy the stupid thing, lash it to the top of your car, drag it inside, etc. And when the tree isn't busy shedding its needles, it's busy using them to poke your arms. Then you have to drag out the lights and spend an hour trying to get them untangled. Once that's done, you have to dig the decorations out of the attic. And God help you if you're decorating the tree with a Significant Other. Because that's when you're faced with a whole other pile of stuff to worry about:

1) The tree's leaning to the left.
2) Now it's leaning to the right.
3) The Angel on top is crooked.
4) No, it's not. It's perfectly straight.
5) It is TOO bent. Just look at it. What's wrong with you? Are you blind?
6) Are the colors properly balanced throughout the tree?
7) What do you mean "balanced?" A Christmas tree isn't supposed to be "balanced." It should have splashes of color. Like in nature. Nature isn't balanced, it's random.
8) Nature? Don't be stupid. It's an aluminum tree, for crying out loud, and you're worried about whether it will appear "natural?" Besides, I've never seen a tree in nature with little tiny baby Jesuses hanging from its branches.
9) You don't have to get snippy about it.
10) I'm not the one who's getting snippy here.
11) And what is THAT supposed to mean?
12) My mother warned me not to marry you!
13) Take your crap and get out!!!!

So as you can see, while it may seem that two people can decorate a tree twice as fast as one, it's not always the case. Sometimes one person can do it much more efficiently. Or better yet, don't put a tree up at all. Just do what I do to get into the holiday spirit.

Wait till late at night, say around ten or eleven. Then just go for a walk through your neighborhood, periodically pausing to peek through someone else's windows. That will give you a true sampling of a whole lot of different trees. Then, in your mind's eye, you can meld those different samplings into one idyllic tree that's perfect for you.

Plus, in these impersonal times of ours, it will enable you to get to know your neighbors better. Much MUCH better! And really, isn't that what the Christmas spirit is all about?