"It" Lives

Everyone has been so busy talking about the cicadas that another frightnening species has snuck up behind us and bitten us on our collective behinds. The northern snakehead fish, native to parts of China, has turned up in a Virginia tributary of the Potomac River. The bizarre creature, which is capable of walking short distances on land (which led to its being dubbed "Frankenfish"), caused quite a stir when it was found in a Maryland pond a couple of years ago. That pond was was eventually poisoned and pumped dry by wildlife officials in an effort to eradicate the aquatic interloper.

The concern is that the northern snakehead has no natural predators in North America, and with its voracious appetite, it would rapidly wipe out other, native species normally found in our waters.

And if that weren't bad enough, this so-called Frankenfish, if it's hungry enough, will devour squirrels, cats, and small dogs. It considers young children a delicacy. It will dig up your garden in search of grubs to eat. If thirsty, it will crawl up into your engine compartment and chew through your radiator hose in search of water. When travelling in packs, the snakehead can chase down cattle and carjack automobiles. It will park in handicapped spaces without a permit. If there is a zoo nearby, it will attempt to mate with an elephant just to impress his buddies. It will break into your house, go through your CD collection, and switch the discs around. It will log onto your computer, surf porn sites (it prefers high speed internet connections, so if you have dial-up service, you should be okay), and order embarrassing sex toys in your name. It will use your credit card numbers to log onto eBay and bid on fish supplies. It will steal your DVD player, pawn it, and use the money to buy bottled water. It will raid your refrigerator and leave the door open when done, thereby running up your electric bill. It will show up at cocktail parties, get roaring drunk, and hit on your wife or husband. Then it will loudly sing lewd love songs. It will go the grocery store and boldly butt into the express line with 16 items. It will become the chairman of a large, respected company and run it into the ground until it implodes in a cloud of accounting scandals. After feasting on fresh poodle, it will dive back into the water without waiting a full hour. It is believed to ties to Al Qaeda.

Unfortunately, it does not eat cicadas.

This is indeed a scary animal. Pray that government officials are successful in eradicating it....

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