Always Blame The Bug

The nation's capital remains at the mercy of an overwhelming force: Cicadas. The little buggers, once considered harmless by Democrats overly concerned with civil liberties, have recently begun to take on a much more aggressive attitude.

In a recent incident that could easily have turned out tragically, a woman was backing out of her driveway when a cicada--hellbent on causing death and destruction--attacked her. Helpless in the face of this random attack out of the blue, the motorist lost control of her car, took out a fire hydrant, and flooded her entire street.

While the incident looks like nothing more than a fluke accident, the FBI is nonetheless investigating whether the accused insect has ties to the notorious terrorist group Al Ciqaeda.

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---------------Non Sequitor

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Hanging Chads
Congratulations are in order for Fantasia Barrino, the preliminary winner of this year's American Idol competition. What's curious, however, is that while last night's finale drew just over 25 million viewers, over 60 million votes were supposedly cast. How is this possible? Were the votes tallied in Florida or something?

In fact, several of the competitions have resulted in controversial results and charges of improper voting.

Thank God our national elections aren't run so sloppily.

One also has to wonder about the quality and character of the people drawn to this show. Specifically, did anyone bother do a criminal background check on last year's runner up, Clay Aiken? This is a man who has won the hearts of millions of young female fans, but can he be trusted? Has anyone bothered to closely examine the lyrics of his big hit, "Invisible?"

It contains lines such as "I wish I could be a fly on your wall" and "If I was invisible, then I could just watch you in your room."

Invisible indeed!! This pervert has written a love ballad promoting stalking, for crying out loud!!