Mega Let Down

Last Saturday I posted the trailer for what may well be the greatest movie making achievement to grace the world's big screens since Lawrence of Arabia.... Or at least Snakes on a Plane.

Well, imagine my disappointment when I learned that that I'll never get the chance to see this visual masterpiece on an IMAX screen. As it turns out, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus was made as a strictly direct-to-video release. In fact, according to this review, the people associated with the making of this cinematic tour de force knew all along they were working on what would be an incredibly cheesy special effects laden piece of trash.

This comes as a horrible revelation to me. Like millions of other people, I had built my hopes and dreams around this movie. I had elevated my expectations to the point where I had placed them on a pedestal in some sort of virtual temple dedicated to the worship of giant imaginary aquatic beasts. But now, with the truth hitting me upside the head like a brick, I feel as if someone has reached into my chest, removed my heart, stomped on it, then fed it to a pack of wild dogs. All that's left is an empty shell of the man who used to be me.

If that's not bad enough, I've also got some sort of funny rash around my crotch.