Monday, May 11, 2009

Footloose, Part Duh

Seventeen year old Tyler Frost has been a bad boy. As punishment, his school is about to suspend him and bar him from graduating with the rest of his class. So what horrible crime did Tyler perpetrate upon humanity? Well, he attended prom.

Problem was, it wasn't his prom.... Which is understandable since his school doesn't have a prom.

Tyler attends Heritage Christian School in Ohio. It bars from students from such sinful behavior as holding hands, kissing, listening to rock music, and yes, dancing. Tyler's girlfriend, however, is a hedonistic harlot who attends a public school that is absolutely crawling with sinful behaviors. Apparently seduced by the devil's temptations, Tyler decided to attend his girlfriend's prom.

Now here's the twist: Tyler signed an agreement to follow Heritage Christian School's rules at the beginning of the year. Included in that agreement was a stipulation that students could attend proms elsewhere provided they got a signature from the principal at Heritage, which Tyler did.

The principal acknowledges signing the form but nevertheless warned Tyler not to attend the dance. The matter ended up before a parent council which threatened the kid with the suspension. So according to this group's interpretation of the Bible, "breach of contract" is permitted by God.

In this era of mass school shootings, this is what Heritage Christian is worried about?!? Dancing and holding hands?!? It's refreshing to know that the people running this place have their priorities straight. Besides, I think we all know where such flagrantly promiscuous behavior can lead: Premarital sex, illegitimate teenage births, and your mother running for vice president on the Republican ticket.

This entire affair is a truly frightening and serious breach of national security. We've been so damn worried about the Taliban in Pakistan that we failed to notice that they've infiltrated the United States and set up shop in Ohio.

0 thoughtful ramblings: