Stop Staring at My Bumper Sticker & Just Drive, You Jerk

A new study by The Department of People Who Do Silly Studies shows that drivers who have bumper stickers, window stickers, or personalized license plates are more likely to be aggressive in their driving habits. And it doesn't seem to matter whether the sticker's message is positive ("My kid is an honor roll student") or negative ("My kid can beat up your snot-nosed honor roll student") in nature.

The theory is that people who adorn their vehicles with personal messages are essentially marking their territory. Therefore, they're more likely to take any perceived infringement on their territory personally. And the more such markers a car has, the more likely the driver is to act in an aggressive manner.

People just need to calm down and mark their territories the way I do. Just piss on the tires.