Why I Need A Life Preserver

When Al Gore won the Nobel Prize a few weeks ago, many Bush supporters dismissed it as a political stunt by those liberal Norwegians. Global warming skeptics pointed to a ruling by a British judge that Gore's film was "alarmist" and "exaggerated."

Hmmm.... Given a choice of listening to a whole bunch of guys with PhD's and sophisticated computer models and scientific data out the ying-yang, or listening to a lone guy whose main qualification is that he wears a powdered wig, I think I'd rather trust the fate of humanity with the scientists.

Here is the Gore team's response to the points raised by the judge.

Actually, new findings do show that Gore and all those pessimistic climate change scientists have been mistaken. Turns out they've all been modeling their future scenarios on the assumption that carbon dioxide emissions are increasing 1.3% per year. All the predictions about what will happen to the glaciers in 20 years, how much sea levels will rise in 50 years, and what temperatures will be like at the end of the century have been based on that little number.

Except.... It's wrong.

As it turns out, CO2 emissions have been going up at 3.3% a year since 2000, and they are up by 35% over the levels of 1990. So all that horrible stuff we pessimists thought were going to happen to our kids? Well, they're going to happen to us instead.

Yet amazingly, there are those who dismiss global warming as some sort of ridiculous myth. Well, okay, but what evidence do they have to back up their argument? The best they can come up with is that the climate changes we are already witnessing may be part of a natural cycle. Perhaps, but all the evidence says that the changes are man-made. And trying to argue a point when you have nothing to support your position with doesn't qualify as an argument. It's burying your head in the sand, which is dangerous because sea levels are rising. Of course, if your head is in the sand you won't be able to see that, and you'll end up drowning.

When I was growing up, every globe I ever looked was white at the top. That was the north pole, and it was nothing but ice. All the time. Year round. Had been for millennia. It was a just a fact of life.

This year we found out that this may soon no longer be true. The Northwest Passage opened up this summer for the first time in recorded history. In a few years, the Arctic Ocean will be ice free during the summer months. In other words, no more white at the top of the globes. Speaking for myself, that scares the piss out of me. Hell, it should scare the piss out of everyone. Piss should be cascading through the streets. We should be drowning in vast pools of our piss, it's so scary.

But did it scare our leaders? No, of course not. In fact, they're seriously talking about the absence of Arctic ice being a good thing because now we can get at all that oil down there. Huh? Burning oil is what got us to this point to begin with, so we're going to solve the problem by burning even more!?!?!

If you've been wondering exactly what the term "greenhouse gas" means, it has to do with the size of the molecule and how it reacts to infrared heat. Here's a site that does a good job of explaining it.

Avast Ye Mateys

Over the course of the last several years, there has been a lot of harsh rhetoric between North Korea and the United States. Recent allegations of the rogue nation's involvement in a suspected nuclear project in Syria certainly didn't help matters.

That's what makes a recent skirmish in the Indian Ocean all the more interesting. When a North Korean freighter was attacked by pirates off the coast of Somalia, it was a United States guided missile destroyer that came to the aid of the Dai Hong Dan. The crew of the freighter had managed to get off a distress signal before being overpowered. The USS James E. Williams responded by sending a helicopter to investigate. When the chopper arrived on the scene, the pirates became distracted long enough for the North Koreans to overpower their attackers. Two of the pirates were killed in the ensuing gun battle, and five others were captured.

No word on whether Johnny Depp was among the pirates.

Finally, A Priest Who's Not A Pervert

Rodney Rodis, a retired Catholic priest in Virginia, has pleaded guilty to charges of embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from two parishes he served. His actions were discovered after he retired and someone asked the new priest for a receipt for an earlier donation.

When Rodis was arrested by police at his Fredericksburg home last year, it was also discovered that he had a wife and three children. As far as his neighbors knew, Rodis was in the export-import business.

Still, credit should be given where credit is due. At least Rodis was caught with his hand in the till and not down the front of an altar boy's pants.

A Free Bottle Of Scotch With Every Copy

Britney Spears' mother is writing a parenting advice book. Tentatively titled Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, is being published by Thomas Nelson, Inc., a Christian book publisher.

Sometimes life is funnier than any punchline.

When's The Next Flight Out?

An obscure comet currently located between Mars and Jupiter has under gone an inexplicable brightening that has astronomers baffled. Comet Holmes went from being invisible to the naked eye to a magnitude 2 in a matter of hours. That makes it roughly comparable to the planet Venus in brightness.

Probably has something to do with that spaceship hiding behind the comet.

Puff The Magic Astronaut

The shuttle Discovery's mission is being extended because of a problem with a joint on the space station.

Far be it for me to tell other people how to do their jobs, but those astronauts are working with billions of dollars of equipment. Even worse, they're doing so in the unforgiving vacuum of outer space.

Under the circumstances, should they really be smoking that stuff up there?

Warm This

It is reassuring to see that President Bush has finally begun to take the issue of global warming seriously.

George Bush on Global Warming - watch more funny videos

Universal Recall Notice

A group of British and Spanish scientists have discovered a "cold spot" in the background radiation of the universe. Under current theories about the Big Bang, all that radiation should be uniform. That would mean that this cold spot is actually a cosmic glitch that dates back to the earliest moments of the cosmos. In other words, a manufacturing defect of sorts, comparable to a snag in pantyhose or a flaw in a diamond.

Well, that's just freakin' great. If poisoned pet food, dangerous toys, and cheap clothing wasn't bad enough, now they're telling us the universe was made in China?!?!?

Today's Fun Facts

34% of Americans believe in ghosts.

28% of Americans think George W. Bush is doing a good job with the Iraq war.

In other words, more Americans believe in ghosts than believe in George W. Bush.

Maybe The Man In The Moon Ordered Kung Pao

China has launched an unmanned mission to the moon. It is the first step in the fast-growing nation's goal of landing men on Earth's only natural satellite. China hopes to eventually build takeout stands and factories making lead-based toys.

This comes a day after the world's "sole" superpower--the United States--launched the space shuttle Discovery, a craft held together with duct tape and Crazy Glue--into low Earth orbit. That is not meant to sound harsh; after all, we were actually able to find seven people dumb enough to ride on the thing.

Jiao Weixin, a professor at Peking University's School of Earth and Space Sciences, says that Wednesday's launch is signifies "that Chinese engineers have the know-how to probe the moon."

So why should you care? Well, if a billion Chinese ever decide to expand their "know-how" and send a probe to Uranus, you won't be able to sit down for a week.

Bush: Keeping America's Priorities Straight

A new study by the Congressional Budget Office estimates that the Iraq and Afghanistan wars will end up costing 2.4 trillion dollars. If you want to pay your share now, that works out to $8,000 for every American man, woman, and child.

Heck, it's no wonder Bush says our nation can't afford to spend $35 billion over five years taking care of sick kids. And if you're curious, that comes to $117 (spread over five years) for every man, woman, and child.

Is That A Wand In Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

In case you missed it, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling recently revealed that Hogwarts headmaster Albus Dumbledore is gay. Understandably, this has ignited a firestorm of controversy. Some people are pleased with the revelation while others are upset.

This raises an interesting question: Why do people even care? Dumbledore is a fictional character at a fictional school in a fictional world populated by fictional wizards. He doesn't actually exist. He's a made up person, the product of someone's imagination. There's no flesh & blood guy named Albus Dumbledore walking around out there, hanging out in airport men's room stalls, just waiting for purple Teletubbies or Senator Larry Craig to show up.

People need to lighten up and re-examine their priorities. Is it really right of us to be debating a non-existent person's sexual orientation when we should be concerned about REAL problems in this crazy, mixed-up world of ours? There's war in Iraq, a super drug-resistant germ is terrorizing our schools, the ice caps are melting, terrorists are trying to kill us, Iran is about to destroy the world, Dick Cheney has access to guns, and the evil ones took Ellen's dog away.

Besides, I'm still worried sick about whether Tony Soprano and his family made it out of that diner.

Does NASA Ever Learn?

Space shuttle Discovery is scheduled to liftoff later this morning despite serious questions about its safety. Specifically, an inspection several weeks ago revealed tiny cracks in panels on one of the wings. You may recall that Columbia was destroyed on reentry in 2003 because of a crack on a wing.

So go forward with launch? Well, despite half the flight engineers voting to delay the mission in order to further evaluate the danger, senior managers decided that no further study was needed. Unconcerned about the difference in opinion, launch manager LeRoy Cain has decided to press ahead. This is easy for him to say, since he'll be safely on the ground the whole time.

Two things should be noted: In 2003, several engineers warned that Columbia's wing may have been damaged by a piece of falling foam. Their concerns were dismissed. And the second fun fact? Cain just happened to be the launch manager for that mission as well.

So how to best insure that Discovery is safe to fly? It's quite simple, actually. Go into one of the meeting rooms at NASA headquarters and grab a folding metal chair. Stick in the corner of Discovery's cockpit and have Cain sit in it during the entire mission.

If the man is willing to put his own ass on the line, then Discovery is good to go.

Meet Achmed

I don't whether to laugh or be offended.

Rice On The Importance Of Preserving Democracy

Dissension within the Bush White House continues to mount. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, a longtime Bush loyalist, is the latest to speak out against the President. Said Rice:

"In any country, if you don't have countervailing institutions, the power of any one president is problematic for democratic development.... Everybody has doubts about the full independence of the judiciary."

WOW!!!! Harsh words, indeed. She then went on to say that the government has amassed so much central authority that the power-grab may undermine its very commitment to democracy.

What? Oh, wait, sorry. My mistake. She was actually talking about the Russian government under Vladimir Putin.

Comcast: A Wretched Hive Of Scum And Villainy

Did you know that Comcast engages in censorship? It turns out that they intentionally block some file sharing programs. This is apparently not done because of any sort of copyright concerns, but is simply another method by which they conserve bandwidth.

What's particularly vile about their methods is that it's done on the sly. Comcast's own systems will fool the machines engaged in file sharing by posing as one of the computers and telling the other to end the program. In actuality, however, the command comes not from the other computer but from Comcast itself.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Comcast sucks. I freed myself from the tyranny of their lousy internet service by switching to DSL some months ago but remain stuck with their cable TV service. And while I don't consider myself religious, I do often find myself praying that FIOS will soon free me entirely from Comcast's evil grip.

And NEVER Forget Your Username

Slow Burn

As of yesterday, the Washington area had gone 34 days without any measurable rain at its official recording station at National Airport. That sets a new record, having beaten the old total of 33 days set in 1995 (the accompanying link is a little fuzzy on this point, but the record was tied on Wednesday and the new one set yesterday). While rain is forecast for today, it is not expected to put a dent in the drought. As a result, a number of local jurisdictions have recently instituted water restrictions.

Still the situation here is not yet as desperate as in the southeast. There, a major drought--the worst in 113 years--has left Atlanta's major source of water seriously depleted. Lake Lanier, which supplies 70% of the city's water, is in danger of drying up as early as January. Should that happen, it will fall to FEMA to begin trucking in emergency supplies of water. And given the agency's track record in New Orleans, that means that any survivors still alive will receive the first truckloads of precious water sometime next fall.

The dry weather is not confined to the eastern U.S. Much of the west has been in drought for several years now, increasing the risk forest fires. But that problem is not confined to us; you may recall that Greece was dealing its own rash of wildfires this past August.

Yet while many areas remain in the grip of drought, other regions have suffered through too much rain. Also back in August, parts of the midwest went through days of heavy rain, causing flooding. England, too, had similar problems over the summer as well. Add to that this list the record setting heatwaves that gripped much of Europe.

So is all this caused by global warming? Well, there are those skeptics who would argue that there's always bad weather somewhere, that we've always had floods, droughts, and heatwaves. This is true, but at what point do we realize that there's a lot more of this sort of thing taking place? There are a number of scientists who say that extreme weather events will become more common. That means more severe heatwaves, prolonged droughts, and intense rainstorms.

If you smell smoke in the kitchen, you may have just burned the meatloaf. But if smoke alarms start going off in every room of the house, then you may have a more serious problem.

What Does Al Gore Know? He Only Won The Nobel Prize

Going To The Dogs

I've always liked Ellen DeGeneres. Even when she came out of the closet a few years ago, I was okay with it. She's what I would call a "hot lesbian," as opposed to Rosie O'Donnell, who's a "scary as hell lesbian."

That's why I'm so disappointed by her behavior during this whole dog adoption thing. In case you missed the story, DeGeneres adopted a dog through some canine rescue agency, then turned around and gave the dog to her hairdresser's family. The agency then went to the hairdresser's house and "repossessed" the dog.

DeGeneres then used her talk show as a tearful platform to whine and cry about how horrible the people at the agency were to do such a thing. As a result, people at the dog adoption agency have been getting death threats because they made Ellen cry.

I know several people who have adopted cats through such agencies. I almost used one a couple of years ago myself. It is made quite clear when you sign up with these people that you and your home will go through a screening process by someone from the agency, and that it will be subject to future inspections as well. It's also made clear that you can not give the animal away.

Strict? Well, yes, I suppose so. But many of these animals are coming out of bad environments to begin wih, so the agency does this for the protection of the animal so it's not traumatized further. And quite frankly, it also serves to eliminate people like Michael Vick from getting his hands on more dogs to torture.

If you go through an animal adoption agency, those are the rules. Take it or leave it. Quite frankly, that's one reason why I ended up not using an animal rescue group when I got another cat. I didn't want have to clean the apartment and pick up all my dirty socks just to make it presentable for an inspection.

DeGeneres, on the other hand, decided to take the deal.

So when she turned around and gave the dog away, she broke the rules. That's tough. Why should she be exempted from the agreement she made? After all, if it had been you or me, we would have been held to the terms we had agreed to. But what makes this whole thing even more unfortunate is that she chose to whine about the consequences of her actions on national TV.

Celebrities need to learn that their poop smells the same as everyone else's. Come to think of it, the people who idolize those celebrities need to realize the same thing.

Allah's Well That Ends Well

A would-be suicide bomber in Afghanistan ended up killing his own family instead when his mother tried to stop him from putting on the explosives.

This horrible tragedy raises some thorny legal and theological questions. While it's true that the guy failed to kill any infidels, it's also fairly obvious that he at least intended to. Is that intent enough to get him into Paradise, and does he still get the 72 virgins? After all, it's not his fault his mother interfered.

And suppose he does, in fact, get into Paradise. Will the other suicide bombers' souls make fun of him for being a "mama's boy?" More importantly, will the virgins laugh at him for letting his mother screw up his plans? And if they're all laughing at him, will he still be able to get it up, or will he end up spending eternity being humiliated by naked virgins?

Summing It Up

The Cosmic Cycle Of Life

Excited astronomers who haven't had dates in years have discovered what they are calling a "second Earth" being formed around a star some 424 light years away. It currently consists of nothing more than a belt of dust, but the dust appears to be clumping together. If true, this matches existing scientific theories about how the Earth was formed. On the other hand, it does NOT match the Bible's explanation of how the Earth was formed, in which case those scientists can expect to be smote for being blasphemers.

If present trends hold, the planet should be completely formed in several hundred million years. A constant bombardment by watery comets will then seed the new planet with water. At some point within the following two billion years, primitive microbes will form. They will eventually give rise to multi-celled organisms. Those, in turn, will evolve into still higher lifeforms. After another couple of billion years or so an intelligent species will come to dominate the planet.

Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, some members of this species will come to believe that their world is only 6,000 years old. They will argue that their species is somehow special, and that their ancestors were created by a supernatural, omnipotent being who was really, really bored one day and had nothing better to do.

Then one night four billion years from now they will gaze into the sky above and see an unusually bright star. Their astronomers will identify the supernova as that of a relatively insignificant yellow sun some 424 light years away.

Some will wonder if that distant, now extinct star ever gave life to a planet with beings such as themselves.

Thanks Be To Think Tanks

Other Than That, How Was The Play, Mrs. Lincoln?

A Washington Post reporter was killed in Baghdad earlier today. Well, that's just freakin' great. If journalists keep getting themselves killed, who's going to report on all the good news in Iraq?

It is precisely this sort of thing that fuels the false perception that the streets of Baghdad are marginally ever so slightly a wee bit of a tad on the dangerous side.

Speaking Of People Who Need "Perfecting...."

Scientists are in general agreement that the universe began with a "big bang" some 13-14 billion years ago. If you ask the same group of scientists what the universe's ultimate fate will be, you are likely to get any of a dozen different theories.

Some will argue that the universe is destined to collapse back in on itself, leading to another big bang and thus beginning the cycle anew. Others will say no, the galaxies will keep expanding forever until they all eventually burn out and the universe will be reduced to a vast ocean of nothingness. Still others believe that it's an ongoing cycle of renewal, with the dusty remains of burned out galaxies giving rise to new ones.

Personally, I think that the world we know, as well as the solar system in which we live, plus all the stars we see in the sky and the billions more beyond our ability to see or even imagine, are ultimately doomed to be swallowed by the enormous cosmic void scientifically known as... Ann Coulter's mouth. Because let's face it, folks: Sooner or later this crazy bitch will open her yap just a little too wide, thereby creating a cosmic tear in the space-time continuum, and all of existence will simply get sucked in.

I bring this up only because Annie has gone and done it again: She's voiced an opinion so stunning in its sheer ignorance that it defies all belief. This time the conservative commentator was on a CNBC interview show when she said that Jews require "perfecting" by becoming Christians. She then went on to say that she thinks heaven looks "like New York City during the [2004] Republican National Convention."

In the same interview she also brags about how tolerant Christians are. Huh? If this woman considers herself "tolerant," then just what is her definition of a narrow-minded ignorant bigot?

For the answer to that, she should just look in a mirror.

Saying Goodbye To Old Habits

The housing crisis facing the United States is apparently worse than first thought. It seems that even nuns are being forced to join the ranks of the homeless!

To be fair, in this case it has nothing to do with sub-prime loans. Rather, the Catholic church in California is selling off property in order to pay out of court settlements in dozens of sex abuse cases involving priests. And how much do those settlements total? Oh, only $660 million! Needless to say, that's a hell of a lot of Communion wafers.

Among the properties being sold to raise the funds are a number of convents. As a result, the nuns--some elderly and ill--are being forced to relocate. So how do the nuns feel about all this? Well, it's hard to say. It seems that church officials have slapped a gag order on the good sisters. Apparently freedom of speech is not guaranteed by the Bible.

Still, the crisis isn't as bad as it might seem. For example, the home of the Santa Barbara bishop--a former convent, on a corner lot with palm trees--is safe.

And yet there are people out there who continue to listen to the church as it explains what's right and what's wrong. For example, there's Archbishop Raymond Burke of St. Louis. He's the guy who in 2004 said priests should refuse Holy Communion to John Kerry because the Senator supported abortion rights. Now Burke is at it again, saying the sacrament should also be denied to Rudy Giuliani for the same reason.

Burke is part of an organization that for decades condoned (yes, I used the word "condoned"--how else to describe the actions of church officials?) the sexual abuse of children by priests, and suddenly he thinks he's qualified to judge the moral character of other people?!?!?!

Give me a freakin' break.

The 'Stuck Up Bitch' Makes Another Appearance

Back on September 25 I wrote about Family Guy's hilarious spoof of Star Wars. If you missed it the first time around, Cartoon Network is repeating the episode this Sunday night at 11 PM (eastern). Additionally, they'll be rerunning the Robot Chicken spoof of the movie at 10:30.

Still, the episode is not without its sad moments. If you're anything like me, you will cry when Redd Foxx is killed during the final assault on the Death Star.

Maybe It Belongs To Abbie Normal

Construction workers at a Richmond, Virginia apartment complex made an interesting discovery: A brain in a plastic bag. The bag and its grusome contents have been turned over to police. DNA tests will attempt to discover if it's a human brain.

Well, if no one else is using it at the moment, maybe they can give it to Bush.

Well, That's One Way Of Looking At It

Look Who's Leaking Now

Over the course of the last six years, the news media has been admonished by the White House and other supporters of the Iraq war that some of the material they publish helps the enemy. One example of that is when the stories about torture first broke: Publishing such material, we were told, only helps the terrorists. Better to keep such information secret, said the White House.

That is certainly good, sound advice. We certainly don't want to give too much information about our methods, do we?

So what happened about a month ago? A small American company that specializes in surveillance of terrorist websites obtained a new video from Osama bin Laden. The company managed to pull this off without Al Qaeda knowing about it. They were using some secret method to get early information from the terrorists, thereby allowing us to anticipate their next moves.

Unfortunately, this time the information got out to the media too early, enabling Al Qaeda to trace the source of their inside leak and seal it. So who was this irresponsible party that cost the United States a major intelligence source? Was it those liberal assholes at the New York Times? Or the idiots at the Washington Post who have no qualms about endangering us all as long as they can sell a few extra newspapers? Or maybe the morons at CNN who trying to beat Fox News to the scoop?

Well, actually it wasn't any of them. This time the source of the dangerous leak was... the White House itself!

The company that obtained the video passed it along to some officials in the Bush administration with a warning that it was to remain secret. Well, within hours it was being downloaded by everyone and their grandmother, thus tipping off Al Qaeda that they had a security breach.

No word on whether anyone at the the White House plans to publicly criticize themselves for endangering the American people, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

Boondocks

Remember Boondocks, the wonderfully "subversive" comic strip and TV show? Well, the comic strip is still gone. But after a two year absence, the show is back on Cartoon Network starting tonight.

Their most controversial episode of the first season was called "Return of the King." The premise was that while Martin Luther King was shot in 1968, he didn't actually die. He merely went into a coma for 35 years.

A controversial, even tasteless idea? Maybe. But what really sent some people into a tizzy was the repeated (and some said excessive) use of the "N word." But sometimes that's what satire does: It makes its points by pissing people off, and in that regard the episode succeeded beautifully.

Return of the King portrays a now old MLK as he comes to terms with the world of today, specifically today's "black" culture. It culminates with his "I Had a Dream" speech (below).

One can only hope that season 2 proves to be as thought provoking as the first.

Anybody Have A Recipe For Salmon Cheesecake?

For several years now, health "experts" have been warning expectant mothers not to eat fish. The concern, of course, was that mercury in the fish might interfere with the development of the fetus.

Well, that certainly seemed to make sense, right?

Wrong. Now a coalition of scientists is urging mothers-to-be to eat more fish. The new recommendations are based on evidence that nutrients in seafood aid in the development of the brain during gestation. Scientists arrived at the new conclusions after discovering that Barbara Bush never once ate fish while she was pregnant with George W.

Okay, so I made up that last part. Still, this is yet another example of how things that were once good for us are actually bad, while things that were bad are actually good. That's why I figure it's only a matter of time until scientists figure out that high cholesterol levels are an essential daily vitamin. In the meantime, I'm getting a head start on that announcement by starting my new Double Whopper and cheescake diet.

Followed by a healthy cigarette, of course.

Goodbye. I'll Be Staying A While

In the days after his arrest and subsequent guilty plea for "disorderly conduct" in an airport men's room, Idaho Senator Larry Craig said he would resign as of September 30.

Then Craig decided that he didn't realize that a guilty plea meant that he was actually guilty. After all, as a three term United States Senator responsible for writing this nation's laws, he can't be expected to fully understand such complicated legal concepts as guilt and innocence. Thus he decided to seek a reversal of his guilty plea. If the move proved successful, said Craig, he would remain in the Senate.

Well, a Minnesota court earlier this week turned down the Senator's request. Now Craig says that he has changed his mind and will serve out his full term, which expires at the end of next year.

It's reassuring to know that we have such decisive leadership in Washington.

Needless to say, Craig's Republican colleagues are somewhat less than ecstatic about this. With Bush's plunging popularity, the President's veto of a children's health care bill, and an increasingly unpopular war that is based on a series of lies, the party is already facing dismal prospects in 2008. Now Craig's decision to stay insures that his story will stay in the news and further complicate matters for the Republicans.

Beep.... Beep.... Beep....

Google has a tradition of occasionally tweaking its familiar logo to mark special occasions. Today was no exception, as the search engine chose to replace the second "g" with a tiny little Sputnik.

Yes, it was 50 years ago today that the former Soviet Union launched a tiny, beeping satellite into orbit. And that tiny little metal sphere, no bigger than a basketball, grabbed the world's attention in a way that wouldn't be equaled until those photos of Britney without her underwear surfaced on the web.

Still, the launch of a tiny little satellite was hardly the most significant thing to happen on this date fifty years ago. The other big event was, of course, the premier of a TV show called Leave It to Beaver. And if you think about it, which has lasted longer? Sputnik, or the Beav? And if you honestly don't know, when's the last time you watched a rerun of Sputnik on Nick At Night?

I rest my case.

So what is about this show that still appeals to us? It was filmed in black & white and there's no five channel surround sound, for crying out loud. Is it because Leave It to Beaver takes us back to a simpler time? Is it a reminder of the lost innocence of youth? Watching Mrs. Cleaver vacuuming in high heels and a pearl necklace, secretly wishing that the high heels and necklace were all she was wearing?

No, it's none of that. The secret of the show's longevity is in it's title: The word "Beaver." You gotta admit it sounds just a teensy-weensy bit dirty.

Which would explain why Google didn't stick a beaver in its logo for today.

Love Is In The Air

There's nothing more romantic than a Republican same-sex couple.

Thank God Bush Has His Priorities Straight

As expected, President Bush has vetoed a bill expanding insurance coverage for children. The measure, as passed by by Congress, would have cost $35 billion over the course of five years.

This comes just a few days after Bush requested $190 billion in funding for the Iraq war.... And that would have been for one year.

In other words, this President is prepared to let your child of cancer if you can't afford the necessary treatment. Yes, that may sound bad on the surface, but at least his remains will be safe from the Iraqis who were never a danger in the first place.