Well, I'm getting confused as hell. Last week, Hugo Chavez got up in front of the United Nations and called President Bush the devil. Then, in an apparent swipe at the United Nations' custodial staff, Chavez complained that the podium STILL smelled of sulfur 24 hours after Bush's appearance.
Then just yesterday, the Reverend Jerry Falwell said that if Hillary Clinton is the Democrats' nominee in 2008, it would motivate evangelical Christians even more than if the devil himself ran.
Which is where I'm getting lost: According to Chavez, the devil is already in the White House. But then Falwell says that no, he hasn't even run for office yet. So which is it? Either Satan's already been elected, or he hasn't. I wish these people would get together and reach some sort of consensus so people like me would know whose overblown rhetoric to ignore.
And don't even get me started on the Muslims, who claim that the POPE is the devil!!
Could someone please grab a heat-resistant DNA test kit so we can settle this issue once and for all?