Introducing The Newest Disney Character: 134340

Okay, that's it. I have remained silent on the whole Pluto debate, mainly because I think the whole thing is ridiculous. I grew up believing our solar system has nine planets, and that's it. End of story. Nothing further to discuss.

So why do we now suddenly have a problem? Because Pluto has an erratic orbit? Because it's smaller than the rest of the planets? Because it attracts attention by its mere weirdness? Well, so does Tom Cruise, but you don't see Hollywood changing his name, do you?

But now these pencil-dicked astronomers have gone too far. Not content to merely demote Pluto to some sort of weird asteroid, they have decided to strip the poor thing of its very name. Yes, that's right. Pluto is no longer Pluto. It's number 134340

You know what this is about, don't you? These scientists are the same geeks the rest of us used to give wedgies to in high school. And now, tired of being stuffed into their own lockers, and still unable to get a date for the Sadie Hawkins Dance, they have decided to strike back. Telling us that we're all stupid to think that Pluto is a planet is merely their way of proving how smart they are.

Could someone PLEASE get these guys laid!?!?! Maybe then they'll drop this ridiculous 134340 nonsense.