Friday, November 04, 2005

Venison, Anyone?

In what can only be described as an outrageous display of police brutality, officers in Montgomery County, Maryland shot and killed an unarmed deer yesterday.

The hapless animal had been window shopping at a local shopping center, checking out the new fall antler wear, when he decided to stop by a grocery store. Okay, so he did so by smashing through the plate glass window, but he's a deer. Deer don't do doors.

The narrow-minded store manager immediately engaged in wildlife profiling and--rather than offering to help the animal locate the salt lick aisle--called 9-1-1 to report the alleged "intruder." Shoppers, store employees, and assorted other bigots immediately corned the poor fellow as he headed towards the pharmacy. After all, it is fall mating season, and that's where the Viagra is.

Before the horny adult buck could pull out his discount drug card, however, police officers arrived and shot him. They claim they did so because the animal was injured and bleeding profusely.

Great. The next time I get a paper cut, rest assured I'm not asking a cop for a band-aid.

In a similar incident but one with a happier ending, another deer wandered into a ritzy Ralph Lauren store in the Georgetown area of DC last week. Employees locked the young cross dressing buck in a fitting room until the authorities showed up. He was tranquilized by animal control officers and carried outside as a mob chanted "Free Bambi!" The buck was later released in Rock Creek Park.

Then there's the disturbing tale out of Arkansas where a man killed a deer with his bare hands. The animal had smashed through a window and was loose in the master bedroom.... Or at least that's the story the guy's wife came up with. After cornering the defenseless animal, who hadn't even had a chance to put its pants back on, Wayne Goldsberry wrestled with it and finally broke its neck. Afterwards he had the meat processed, and the deer is now residing in Mr. Goldsberry's freezer.

Hmmm.... Perhaps we should apply that brand of justice to human intruders as well. It would likely cut down on burglaries.

0 thoughtful ramblings: