Protecting Us From Ourselves

The FBI has launched a new War on Porn. Well, it's about damn time!! They need to stop looking for terrorists who may be trying to kill thousands of Americans in one fell swoop, or wasting their time looking for missing women like that girl in Aruba or the more recent case in Richmond. And forget trying to solve the Anthrax attacks that killed or sickened almost a dozen people in the fall of 2001.

And forget trying to prevent cyber crime, like those damn phishing emails we all keep getting from banks we've never heard of. Let them steal our identities and clean out the bank accounts of 80 year old retirees!

Preventing white collar crime is another colossal waste of time. Let those corporate bigwigs cook the books, bankrupt their companies, and throw thousands of employees out of work. That's none of the FBI's business! It's much more important to protect Americans from having the freedom to look at naked adults.

In fact, I'll be more than happy to volunteer my services as an analyst in the War on Porn.