Olympic Wrap Up
Well, the Olympics have officially ended, and the question on everyone's mind is: "What the hell happened to the men's basketball team?" I mean, seriously, if there is one single sport on the face of this planet in which we should have won a gold medal, it's freakin' men's basketball!! We invented the game, for cryin' out loud, and the players representing our nation were all professional NBA players! So how the hell could we have possibly lost.... To Lithuania, Argentina, and Puerto Rico no less!!! Granted, we did beat Lithuania the second time 104-96, but even that was a come from behind victory.

On the other hand, their terrible performance should put to rest for once and all the narrow-minded bigoted notion that blacks are somehow more athletic. After all, the American players were all African-American, and they were getting their asses kicked by white people..

Could it be that foreign white people are superior to American white people, and in better overall physical shape? Then again, that's a ridiculous thought with absolutely no basis whatsoever in reality.

Uh-oh.... I just realized I'm almost out of Twinkies.

Thankfully, the women's basketball won gold, and rather impressively at that. Here's a suggestion: Have the American women play the American men. Personally, I wouldn't bet against the women.

But enough about basketball. And for that matter, forget not only all the other Olympic sports but football and baseball as well, for I have a NEW favorite sport: Women's volleyball. Well, more specifically, women's beach volleyball. There's way too much clothing involved in the indoor version. Of course, it's appeal to me is strictly based on nothing more than the sheer athleticism and skill of the players.

Right.

And with any luck, I'll be able to stand up by tomorrow.

There is a men's beach volleyball as well, but quite frankly, who gives a rat's patootie? Well, unless you're the governor of New Jersey, in which case it would probably appeal to you.

Then there are the women shot putters and discus throwers. And if there's a scarier bunch of chicks on Earth, I don't EVER want to know who they are.

There are a lot of water sports represented athe the summer games, and one of the dominant Americans in that particular area was Baltimore's Michael Phelps. He didn't quite tie Mark Spitz's record seven gold, but he did leave Athens with eight total medals.

As far as team water sports go, the hardest has to be water polo. It's a brutal contest, with kicking, slugging, broken noses, near-drownings, and--worst of all--wedgies.

And isn't that really what the Olympics are all about?