An Atheist Hymn

This is so beautiful that it moved me to tears. Thank God I found it.

There was horror in the skies over Kansas last night. Mitt Romney had a bunch of his top donors on his campaign plane and was flying them across the country. At some point Mitt decided it was feeling kind of stuffy on board, so he rolled down a window to get some fresh air.

As a result, the plane had to make an emergency landing in Wichita, but not before several billionaires were sucked out of the aircraft at 35,000 feet. David Koch's fat ass finally plugged the hole, preventing further loss of life.

Be Scared Be. VERY Scared.

....you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous....”
--Mitt Romney on 9/22/2012.

Dear God. There's a frighteningly real chance this asshat could end up as our next President. And even more scary? He'd end up making George W. Bush look like Albert Freaking Einstein.

So How's That Faith Healing Thing Working Out for You?

Two parents have avoided jail after admitting they let their son, 16, die in horrible agony because they chose to 'pray away' his burst appendix and refused to take him to the hospital. Russel and Brandi Bellew, age 39 and 36, of Creswell, Oregon, pleaded guilty to criminally negligent homicide on Tuesday and were sentenced to five years probation after reaching a plea deal with prosecutors.

The couple, who had seven children before Austin Sprout's death, are members of the General Assembly and the Church of the First Born in nearby Pleasant Hill, which shuns modern medicine and teaches parishioners that faith healing and prayer will cure disease.

The parents should fall to their knees and thank God that Oregon doesn't consider stupidity a capital crime.

Mei Xiang, the female panda at DC's National Zoo, gave birth to a cub last night. The little tyke was born at 10:46 PM,and by 10:47 Mitt Romney was holding a press conference to condemn the out-of-wedlock birth. The candidate pointed out that the National Zoo is part of the Smithsonian, which receives government funding, and therefore "the whole sorry affair is President Obama's fault, and a prime example of the decline of American morals under this administration."

"Also," added Romney, "pandas are both black AND white, much like our failed President."

Pass the Hypocrisy, Please

Never Forget

What the Fudge?

A couple of months ago I recorded "Breaking Bad" when AMC reran the series from the beginning. Finally got around to watching the first episode. The commercials are bad enough, but the worst part? The bastards censored the bad language!!! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is THAT about?!?! The reruns aired in the middle of the night on a cable channel, so why is the cleaned up lingo necessary?

I just checked and the series is available for streaming on Netflix. I had dropped them when they restructured their pricing last year, but I guess I'm going back. I do like my dirty words.

Hey, the dude is older than dirt. And I mean that literally: He's older than dirt. He made the dirt, which means He was around before the dirt was. Otherwise the dirt would never have gotten made. Which actually wouldn't have been a bad situation, because then we'd never have to do any laundry!

Anyway, my point is, give the guy a break if He gets a little forgetful sometimes.

Definitive Proof the Moon Landing Was Faked

I would add to this list any number of other dead terrorists, and a number of dead Somali pirates.

Damn Right You Did

That Really Was a GIANT Leap

Does She Even Know the Meaning of the Word 'Irony?'

Did you catch Condoleezza Rice's speech to the Republican Convention? She had nothing but harsh words for President Obama's foreign policy, saying that America's failure to lead had made the world a more dangerous place.

Really? The person who was Bush's National Security Adviser on 9-11 has the audacity to criticize the foreign policy of the man who finally killed bin Laden?!?!?! Not to mention the fact that she was one of the top members of the team that blundered the United States into Iraq. Not to mention the time her boss threatened out allies with "either you're with us or you're against us." That little fiasco cost us over 4000 American lives, a trillion dollars, destabilized the Middle East, and cleared the way for Iran's rise to a major regional power. And now she's going to denigrate the man who has cleaned up that mess? Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!

Please tell me this is a joke.

Happy Anniversary

I'm guessing New Orleans would have gladly settled for something simpler, like flowers or a box of chocolates, on the seventh anniversary of Katrina.

Arizona Giving Mississippi aRun for the Money in the Stupidest State Derby

Believe it or not, Arizona has passed a law saying that pregnancy starts two weeks before conception. How is this possible, you ask? It has something to do with menstrual cycles. The net effect, however, is to lessen the time that a woman can legally get an abortion in the state.

If that's not crazy enough, Arizons will also be hosting a "birthers" convention. Seriously. Good thing, too. That Obama's a slick one. He managed to plant TWO birth announcements in Hawaiian newspapers when he was less than a day old and living in a Nairobi hospital's nursery, and has spent the last four years fooling the FBI, the Secret Service, and the nation's entire national security apparatus.

I remember the good old days when I used to think that a zombie apocalypse would be how the world ends. I now know better. The world will end in a stupidity apocalypse.

Don't Shoot Me, I'm Just the Guitar Player

This also explains why you often see Mormon guys carrying three or four or even more guitars.

One Can Only Hope

If there's any justice in this world, the convention hall will be swallowed by a giant vagina.

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow UpTo Be Republicans

(click for full size)

New Official Photo Portrait of the British Royals Released

R.I.P.

This is what Neil deGrasse Tyson had to say on the death of Neil Armstrong:

Neil Armstrong (1930-2012) was not entirely human. He was the spiritual repository of our spacefaring dreams & ambitions. In death, a little bit of us all dies with him. Farewell my friend. And now, perhaps more than ever, I bid you godspeed.

-Neil deGrasse Tyson

Why Cats Make Lousy Advice Columnists

Traffic Alert

Expect traffic snarls throughout the country this weekend. Republicans will be conducting random uterus inspections.

Who Would Make a Better President? Romney or Manson?

Who's Worse? The Taliban or Republicans?

Proof That Evolution Is Just a Theory

Evolutionary scientists say that the Neanderthals died out 30,000 years ago. The modern day Republican party proves that those scientists are wrong.

Well, If You Believe God Sent Katrina to Punish New Orleans....

Wow, even God thinks the Republicans are crazy. He's about to smite them!!

The militant Amish are the worst. They're so frighteningly violent, they can't even be pictured here without endangering YOU, my dear readers. For if anyone as much as even views their images, they show up at your house, kill you, rape your pets, and take your spouses.

Granted, it's not immediate, since they drive horse pulled buggies, but they will eventually show up.