Track Him, Shoot Him, And Skin Him

For those of you who wish to track Santa during his Christmas Eve journey, whether for the enjoyment of your kids or simply for a chance to take a shot at the jolly old elf, you can click the sleigh to the left. For the 50th year in a row, NORAD stops by scanning the skies for missiles carrying instant, fiery death, and instead devotes its full resources to tracking Santa Claus.

I don't know about you, but I get a warm, fuzzy feeling in my heart just thinking about that.... Followed by a deep, primal sense of utter terror deep in the pit of my stomach.

Now in case you don't have a computer and are thus unable to read this blog entry, NORAD is also providing a helpful toll free phone number at 1-877-446-6723. You can call for eyewitness accounts of Santa's flyovers, as well as the likely trajectories of any nuclear missiles launched by hostile powers because our guard was down.

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Wonder If She's Met Mr. Broom Handle Yet?
Martha Stewart is complaining that not only is prison life is harsh, but that the food is bad! She has also begun calling for reforms in sentencing guidelines.

This is a very noble cause that Miss Stewart has undertaken, and is certainly not influenced in anyway by her own current situation.

On the other hand, she has already made her own impact on the prison system:

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But Would Someone Have Still Come Up With Grand Theft Auto?
Heard the following on a local radio station, but have no idea who actually wrote it.

If The Three Wise Men had actually been Three Wise Women, they would have stopped to ask for directions and arrived in time.

They would have helped deliver the baby Jesus.

Afterwards they would have cleaned the manger.

They would have brought practical gifts, including a nice casserole dish.

And we really would have peace on Earth.

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