Sunday, November 14, 2004

That Was Special "Medicinal" Spinach in That Pipe of His
Popeye the Sailor Man turns 75 this year, and to mark the occasion the Museum of Television and Radio in New York today unveiled a new exhibit dedicated to the man who made spinach seem almost edible.

After leaving the service, Popeye married his longtime love, Olive Oil. Their wedded bliss was short-lived, however, as the bride soon started a illicit love affair with her husband's arch-nemesis, Bluto. It didn't take Popeye long to discover what had been going on behind his back, and in a drunken rage he killed Bluto.

He was convicted of manslaughter and served 23 years in a federal prison. Deprived of his precious spinach, Popeye proved to be a spineless wimp and quickly became a popular bitch to be passed around among the other inmates.

Upon his release, Popeye tried his hand at a number of menial occupations. His uneven temper and frequent bouts with depression made him incapable of holding down a job. Out of work, and unable to afford even the cheapest store brand cans of spinach, the former sailor turned instead to booze and drugs.

Popeye awoke one day in the late 90's and decided to take stock of his life. Faced with with mounting medical bills because of mouth cancer brought on by the constant smoking of that pipe, and tired of being Courtney Love's aging boy toy, Popeye decided to clean up his act. In a bold move, he quit both alcohol and heroin cold turkey. He went on to become an obnoxious self-righteous born again Christian who was constantly passing judgment on others. And yes, he voted for George Bush on Nov. 2.

When last heard from, the retired navy man was working as a greeter at a Wal-Mart outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

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