I'm afraid to go into Starbucks.
I think my fear is due to emotional scars that still inhabit my psyche. You see, the first time I ever wandered into one of their stores, I made the mistake of ordering a "medium coffee." No fancy-schmancy cappuwhatever or frappasomething. All I wanted was a "medium coffee," and that's what I ordered.
Needless to say, everyone began laughing and pointing, and I quickly fled in tears.
The whole incident left me bitter and disillusioned, and to this day I have never set foot in another Starbucks. Just between you and me and the keyboard, I still don't know what a "latte" is. And don't even think about asking me to explain the cup sizes!! Just what the hell is a "venti" anyway? I mean, if I wanted to learn freakin' eye-talian, I'd go take a foreign language class.
Now comes word that Starbucks has prepared a 22 page "Guide to Beverages." Is this what our world has come to? An instruction manual to order a cup of coffee!?!
Besides, I'm a man. I don't do instruction manuals.
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---------------Walt Handelsman, Newsday
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Duck
I went to the fights last night and a basketball game broke out.
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