In what is one of the odder traditions around here, the President has issued his annual pardon on behalf two turkeys. This years lucky recipients were named, appropriately enough, Biscuits and Gravy. The normally lighthearted event nearly turned tragic when Bush inexplicably grabbed one of the defenseless birds by the throat and decided to demonstrate exactly what he would do if he ever met filmmaker Michael Moore.
A benefit of the pardon is that the lucky pair will be allowed to live out their remaining days at a nearby Virginia petting zoo. Meanwhile, millions of their brothers in feathers will be slaughtered for no reason other than that they voted for John Kerry.
After the ceremony there was an embarrassing mix up when petting zoo officials inadvertently took the wrong pair of turkeys back to Virginia. The mistake was discovered when the President of Sri Lanka, an integral member of the Coalition of the Willing, showed up for a meeting and discovered Biscuits sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office. A subsequent search of the White House grounds failed to turn up either President Bush or Vice President Cheney.
Petting zoo officials were contacted and arrangements quickly made to correct the mistake.
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