Steve Bartman is without a doubt the most hated man in all of Chicago right now. In fact, it's a safe bet that if Saddam, Osama, and Steve were walking down a street in the Windy City, Steve would be the one who gets beaten up, stoned to death, and his headless corpse hung from a lamppost.
And what heinous crime, pray tell, is Steve guilty of? Is he a notorious serial killer, with dozens of bodies found buried in his crawlspace?
No.
Is he a convicted child molester?
No.
Does he have vast quantities of weapons of mass destruction cleverly concealed beneath the vast cornfields of central Illinois?
No.
Indeed, Steve's infraction is worse than all of the above offenses put together. You see, he's the poor sap who made the mistake of trying to catch a foul ball at a baseball game. Normally this is no big deal, but in this case he is blamed for essentially snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. By deflecting the ball, he kept the Cubs' Moises Allou from catching it and getting an out against the Marlins, thereby (allegedly) setting in motion a chain of events that would not only cost Chicago the game, but a trip to the World Series.
But beyond that, what is Steve guilty of? Well, nothing really. If you're at a baseball game, and a ball suddenly comes in your direction, you're going to try to get it. It's pure instinct, like a mother protecting her child or a tiger trying to rip the head off the trainer who just bopped on the nose with a microphone in front of a live audience of thousands. There's no time to think about the consequences of your actions.
Indeed, if you look at a photo of "The Bobble," you'll see that everyone else seated near Steve also reached for the ball. He just happened to be the one who was the closest, thereby allowing himself to become an instrument of Satan. As such, he was able to inflict immeasurable pain upon Cubs fans everywhere. Besides, because of "The Curse of the Goat," Chicago was destined to lose the National League Championship Series one way or another.
Again, Steve was merely a convenient tool, a vessel of preodained doom much like the Anti-Christ. And quite frankly, there's not much hope for the future, either.
Still, this disaster may yet work out in Bartman's favor. Florida governor Jeb Bush has offered him asylum in the Sunshine State. A number of Florida businesses are offering him assorted favors, ranging from free airfare to a three month stay in a $400,000 condo.
And, since this is America, there is also talk of a movie deal.