THE SECRET TO A LONG LIFE
Never, EVER hit a white tiger on the nose with your microphone.

SIGN OF THE TIMES

----------Mike Thompson, Detroit Free Press

BITE ME
Antoine Yates is lucky to be alive after being bitten by his pet tiger in his Manhattan apartment. Yates, whose elevator didn't go all the way up despite living on the fifth floor, also kept a five foot alligator.
The animals have since been shipped to a sanctuary in reality. As for Yates, one can only hope that authorities will have him sterilized to keep him from further contaminating the human gene pool.

FIRE IN THE TV
In Germany, the television network Super RTL plays a video during its overnight hours of a log burning in a fireplace. A woman woke up, saw the flames, and called the fire department. Firefighters, braving unbelievable conditions, extinguished the flames using a remote control device.
In a worst case scenario, this unidentified woman would mate with Antoine Yates, produce children, and forever doom the human race.

WHAT"S IN A NAME?
The mayor of Agra, Oklahoma, has decided to change the name of his town by adding the letters "V" and "I" at the beginning.
Fortunately, Ildo, Wyoming has thus far declined to follow suit.

ALL LOCKED WITH NO PLACE TO GO
Finally, congratulations to Wanda Hudson, who recently was awarded $100,000 after she got herself locked in a storage locker for 63 days. Miss Hudson's adventure began on Nov. 21 of 2001, and ended on Jan. 29 of 2002. On a happy note, she did lose 65 pounds.
And David Blaine thinks he's so tough for spending 44 days inside a glass box....