A Time For Tradition, & A Time For Change

Last month a woman by the name of Mildred Loving died in Richmond, Virginia. She wasn't particularly famous, though she did an absolutely amazing thing in 1958: She got married.

What's the big deal about that, you ask? Well, Mildred was black, and she married (GASP!!!!) a white man. Such a thing just wasn't legal in Virginia, even in the second half of the 20th century.

She and her husband to be had driven 80 miles to Washington, DC for the wedding, then another 80 miles back to Central Point, Virginia to begin their life together. It was a rural area, and no one seemed to mind that there was a mixed race couple living among them. Nevertheless, the local sheriff and several deputies kicked in the couple's door in the middle of the night and arrested them on charges of "cohabiting as man and wife, against the peace and dignity of the Commonwealth."

They avoided additional jail time by agreeing to leave Virginia. However, the couple eventually wrote then Attorney General Robert Kennedy, and their case ended up in front of the Supreme Court. Virginia's law barring interracial marriages was finally struck down exactly 41 years ago today.

I bring this up for up two reasons. First, the California supreme court recently ruled that same sex marriages are legal in the state. For legal reasons, the ruling takes effect June 16. Complicating the situation is a ballot measure to amend the state's constitution defining marriage as being between a man and a woman. Assuming the amendment passes in November, that would effectively render the court's ruling null and void. But what will happen to the marriages that were legally performed between June 16 and the effective date of the amendment? That's the big unknown at this point. The only thing that is certain is that the lawyers will have a field day.

The second reason I found Mildred Loving's passing noteworthy is because I went to a same-sex wedding this past weekend. It was in Virginia, so the marriage isn't legally binding. Not at all surprising, since this state has repeatedly demonstrated it's not big on change. The couple chose June 7 because it also happened to be the tenth anniversary of their meeting. I was invited because we're all in the same Battlestar Galactica group. And I was only more than happy to attend since there was free food involved. Well, okay, there's the whole sharing of a special day thing, too.... But mostly it was about the food.

The ceremony was in a Unitarian Church. Not surprising, since if it had been in a Catholic Church, the skies probably would have been torn asunder, the ground would have shook, and a rain of fire and brimstone would have disrupted the cutting of the cake. But Unitarians are a more laid back bunch, so there was none of that silly wrath of God stuff.

Funny how God's vengeance tends to vary by denomination.

Anyway, what was most noteworthy about the ceremony is that, well, it wasn't all that different from a "regular" wedding. There was probably just over 100 people in attendance, including families. And during the reception, just like at a more traditional wedding, little kids were running around being obnoxious. And just like at regular weddings, I would stick my foot out, trip the little varmints, and then act all apologetic when they went sprawling and screaming across the floor.

In other words, the wedding was simply about two people picking a special day to formalize their commitment to one another, and inviting their friends and families to share in the celebration.

And isn't that what marriage is supposed to be about?