No Liberty at Liberty

You would think that an institution known as Liberty University would be big on stuff like freedom of thought. After all, the word "Liberty" is contained in the very name of the institution itself. Surely that would imply a large degree of, well, "liberty" to express one's views on the issues of the day, as well as the ability to formulate your own political opinions.

And if you believed any of that, boy, would you be wrong.

Yes, there really is a place called Liberty University. It was founded by the late Reverend Jerry Falwell, a major figure in the Christian right until his death a few years ago. I'm embarrassed to say that the school is located right here in Virginia.

In an apparent effort to redefine the meaning of the word liberty, last week university officials banned the student Democratic club from campus. So what was the problem? One too many keggers? Out of control toga parties? Hiring a donkey sex show for pledge week? Nope, it was something far worse: Democrats support ideas that run counter to the Christian school's principles.

Apparently those principles don't include things like freedom of speech.

Needless to say, the decision has proven controversial. Virginia's politics have been swinging increasingly towards the Democrats. The state went Democratic in the 2008 presidential election for the first time in 44 years. The majority of Virginia's congressional delegation is Democrat as are both U.S. senators. Virginia has also had Democratic governors for the last seven years.

Well, intellectual freedom is bound to suffer when you let the Christian Taliban run a college.

Footloose, Part Duh

Seventeen year old Tyler Frost has been a bad boy. As punishment, his school is about to suspend him and bar him from graduating with the rest of his class. So what horrible crime did Tyler perpetrate upon humanity? Well, he attended prom.

Problem was, it wasn't his prom.... Which is understandable since his school doesn't have a prom.

Tyler attends Heritage Christian School in Ohio. It bars from students from such sinful behavior as holding hands, kissing, listening to rock music, and yes, dancing. Tyler's girlfriend, however, is a hedonistic harlot who attends a public school that is absolutely crawling with sinful behaviors. Apparently seduced by the devil's temptations, Tyler decided to attend his girlfriend's prom.

Now here's the twist: Tyler signed an agreement to follow Heritage Christian School's rules at the beginning of the year. Included in that agreement was a stipulation that students could attend proms elsewhere provided they got a signature from the principal at Heritage, which Tyler did.

The principal acknowledges signing the form but nevertheless warned Tyler not to attend the dance. The matter ended up before a parent council which threatened the kid with the suspension. So according to this group's interpretation of the Bible, "breach of contract" is permitted by God.

In this era of mass school shootings, this is what Heritage Christian is worried about?!? Dancing and holding hands?!? It's refreshing to know that the people running this place have their priorities straight. Besides, I think we all know where such flagrantly promiscuous behavior can lead: Premarital sex, illegitimate teenage births, and your mother running for vice president on the Republican ticket.

This entire affair is a truly frightening and serious breach of national security. We've been so damn worried about the Taliban in Pakistan that we failed to notice that they've infiltrated the United States and set up shop in Ohio.

Maybe It Was an Alaskan Youth Gang Intiation Ceremony

A group of eighth grade students in Alaska have been punished for taunting a moose so severely that it died. Apparently, whatever the kids were doing frightened the animal so much that it repeatedly threw itself against a wall, causing the the fatal injuries. The incident happened on school grounds during gym class, and officials decline to give more details because of privacy concerns.

On the other hand, it's only a matter of time before governor Sarah Palin intervenes and gives a medal to the students involved.

Rubber? What's a Rubber?

During the eight years of the Bush presidency, the federal government spent over a billion dollars promoting abstinence programs to teens. The result? Teen pregnancies have increased for the second year in a row. The new statistics raise serious questions about the effectiveness of such programs. Even Sarah Palin's 18 year old daughter Bristol, who recently gave birth out of wedlock, has questioned the effectiveness of abstinence-only programs.

Maybe lessons about the facts of life should include actual information on the facts of life.

Unintelligent Design

There are people out there who are concerned that America is losing its edge in science.

Well, duh. That's what happens when a state's legislature votes to approve the teaching of intelligent design in its public schools, as Louisiana has now done. Never mind that there is absolutely no scientific basis for it whatsoever; it's going to be taught. Hell, why not also offer classes in sorcery and wizardry, using the Harry Potter series as official state sanctioned textbooks?

I'm not a religious person, but I'm going to begin praying that God will send a massive hurricane towards Louisiana and wipe those morons off the map.

Who Needs Science When You Have Faith?

Is the United States losing its edge in science? That's what many experts fear.

No one should be surprised by this. Currently over a million kids--2.2% of school age children--are home schooled. And it's a safe bet that many parents who opt for home schooling do so for religious reasons.

When kids are taught that the world is only 6,000 years old and that people used to ride dinosaurs like horses, you end up with adults who are intellectually incapable of questioning why the world works the way it does. They no longer use the power of reasoning, instead accepting things on blind faith. That's why you have grown ups who seriously think that hurricanes and earthquakes are God's punishment for being tolerant of gays.

Here's a truly frightening statistic: 55% of all Americans think that God created humans in their present form. That's in addition to having a President who once said the jury was till out on evolution. And in a debate last winter, four of the seven Republican candidates said they believed in intelligent design.

We also have political leaders who are totally and completely oblivious to the climate changes taking place in the world around us, and say that global warming is some kind of myth.

So is it any wonder that we have lost our edge in science?

Sadly no, it's not.

Missing The Good Old Days

Sometimes I marvel at how things have changed over the last 35 years. For example, when I was in high school in the mid '70s, digital watches were just starting to appear. I had a really cool one that was normally blank, but if you pushed a button, then numbers composed of red glowing dots would light up. But then someone came out with one that would light up whenever you flicked your wrist, and I thought that was the coolest thing since, well, since that color TV I had once seen in a store.

Pocket calculators started appearing about the same time. If you wanted one of the really sophisticated ones that could add, subtract, multiply, and (GASP!) even divide, it would have set you back almost $100.

Even more amazing, back then we actually believed that America would never ever end up with a worse President than Richard Nixon. Boy, were we naive.

But alas, there was no internet. Even worse, no internet porn. And if we had to do a paper, we would have to actually go to a place called a library, which was full of books made of paper. So how did we know which books to look up? Well, there was no Google. Instead we had something called the Dewey Decimal System. The numbers were kind of like URL's for the books.

Yes, it was a raw and savage existence. Sometimes I even had to fight off sabre tooth tigers during my five mile walks to and from school.... Through snowdrifts.... Uphill.... Both ways.

And sex lives? Forget it. That was something that was reserved for the captain of the football team. So when I see something like this, I have to wonder if today's kids realize just how damn lucky they are.

Yabba Dabba Doo Update

Although I don't know of any studies that will back me up, I have become convinced that one of the principle reasons such a high percentage of Americans believe in intelligent design is because of home schooling. Parents who insist on "educating" their children themselves are usually religious nutjobs (again, that's my assertion).

So what? Well, educated in such an environment, kids don't learn science. They learn fairy tales about people riding dinosaurs 6,000 years ago. Of course, this completely ignores everything we know about evolution, the fossil record, continental drift, and the fact that The Flintstones was a fictitious cartoon show and NOT some sort of animated documentary about the early history of mankind. It's such mentalities that go around thinking that diseases are caused by evil spirits, and that the power of prayer will stop a volcano from erupting. It's also the type of thinking that accused early astronomers of heresy when they dared suggest that it was the Earth that revolved around the sun.

That is why a recent decision by a California court that challenges home schooling is such wonderful news. Unfortunately, Governor Schwarzenegger has called the ruling "outrageous" and vowed to fight for legislation to further legitimize home schooling.

Apparently The Governator is opposed to kids receiving a proper education from qualified teachers. Heaven forbid that such children might grow up to effectively compete in a 21st century global economy.

Snotty-Nosed Brat Update

Devraj "Dave" S. Kori, the high school senior who bravely stood up to his oppressors by asking for a snow day (January 24 post), has been sentenced to spend one Saturday afternoon in detention. It should be noted, however, that they nailed him on a technicality of sorts.

Since it wasn't entirely clear that Kori broke any laws by posting the school administrator's wife's message online, his punishment is for having used his cellphone while on school property to make the call. Using a cellphone while on campus is prohibited.

"Snotty-Nosed Little Brats"

Last Thursday the Washington area had a bit of a snowstorm. Nothing too serious, but it did leave anywhere from three to six inches on the ground during the course of the day. Since the snow wasn't forecast to begin until after 10 AM and was expected to change to rain a few hours later (which did NOT happen), most school systems went ahead and opened. And based on the expectation of rain, they opted not to close early.

Needless to say, many kids were somewhat perturbed by this. After all, what fun is winter if you don't get the occasional snow day or early closing? But as a student, what can you do? You're nothing more than a pawn of "The Man."

A 17 year old senior, Devraj "Dave" S. Kori, at Lake Braddock High School in Fairfax, VA, however, did not take this oppression lying down. Kori tried calling Dean Tistadt, a local school official, at his office. When that didn't work, he called Tistadt's home phone. No answer there, either, so Kori left a message asking why the schools weren't being closed early because of deteriorating road conditions.

Well, Mrs. Tistadt came home, found the message, and was none too happy about it Then Mrs. Tistadt did something really stupid: She called Kori back and left a message on his voicemail. Nowadays, that can be a dangerous thing to do.... Especially when at one point you tell the 17 year old "Get over it, kid, and go to school!" If that wasn't bad enough, she also uttered the immortal words, "snotty-nosed little brats."

And why, precisely, were those words "immortal?" Because today there is something called the internet, which is a vast series of tubes running between people's houses (as described by Alaska Senator Ted Stevens). And tech savvy kids often use those tubes to create things called Facebook pages.... Which is precisely what Kori did when he got home. He even posted the Tistadt's home phone number.

As could be expected, that evening the Tistadts got numerous phone calls. Dozens, in fact. One even came at 4 A.M. the next morning.

Many people are in a tizzy over this thing. Some are siding with the student, others with the administrator's wife. It's turned into a debate over free speech, and is threatening to erupt into civil war. With the United States military still in Iraq, it is unclear who will restore order. The republic may yet fall and freedom perish from the face of the Earth.

I just wish those internet tubes had been around when I was still in school.

Hungary For Some Turkey

All too often blonds get a bum rap for being dumb. Miss Teen South Carolina certainly did her part to help dispel that baseless myth, and hopefully the following young lady will as well.

A Major Win For Ignorance And Stupidity

Congratulations are in order to the Republicans of Iowa. They gathered together and succeeded in handing victory to a man who is totally unelectable in a national election. It also amplifies the fatal disease which that has seized control of the former party of Ronald Reagan: Government by the Bible and for the Bible, under the Bible for which it stands.

Huckabee, a former Baptist minister, can thank the Evangelicals of Iowa for his big win. They turned out in vast numbers to back his candidacy. And a major subset of that group was the home-school movement. Yes, in America parents are allowed to teach their children at home. And you can rest assured that these folks are basing their children's entire education on their interpretation of the Bible. And you wonder where creationists come from? Well, let's just say it's a safe bet these kids aren't learning about silly scientifically proven ideas like evolution.

Is it any wonder why American children rank so low on international tests of math and science?

That said, Huckabee's win is a triumph of good organizational skills. Two months ago he was a virtual unknown; today--and at least until New Hampshire votes next week--he is the Republican front runner.

Oh, wait, sorry. My bad. His win is NOT due to organizational skills.

A couple of weeks ago, Huckabee was asked about his sudden surge in the polls. His explanation?

"There's only one explanation for it, and it's not a human one. It's the same power that helped a little boy with two fish and five loaves feed a crowd of 5,000."

So there you have it. What people think no longer matters. A candidate's stands on taxes, or the Iraq war, or transportation issues, or national defense, or the erosion of the Bill of Rights no longer matter. It's God himself calling the shots. Plus, the big guy is somehow hacking into the computers of the various pollsters and doctoring the numbers.

Such attitudes are frightening because they absolve national leaders of any sense of personal responsibility. Case in point: A few years ago George W. Bush famously said that he had consulted God before deciding to invade Iraq.

Quite frankly, God's track record has been kind of spotty lately.

Reed All About It

A new survey names Minneapolis and Seattle as the two most literate cities in the United States. The criteria included things such as the number of bookstores and libraries per capita, as well as newspaper and magazine circulation figures.

Sounds interesting and I can hardly wait for the movie version to come out.... Which probably explains why I don't live in Minneapolis or Seattle.

Why I'm Embarrassed To Be An American

In a series of recent tests given to 15 year olds in 30 nations, American students ranked 17th in science and 24th in math.

Pathetic? Yes, but hardly surprising. After all, what can you expect from a nation that is raising a generation of students who haven't a clue what science even is? And if that seems like a harsh indictment, consider that a majority of Americans don't even believe in evolution. Even our President has questioned evolution. Even worse, four of the Republican candidates for President have said they don't believe in it.

Some of these clowns say they just want to teach both arguments for the origin man. What the hell does that mean? As far as science goes, there simply is no debate about evolution. Zero. None. Nada. And to insist that there is some sort of disagreement is simply a sign of one's own ignorance. And I'm sorry, but simply pointing at the Bible doesn't qualify as science.

Yet there are substantial numbers of Americans out there who seriously believe that the Earth is only 6,000 years old. Never mind that everything we know about geology, biology, paleontology, continental drift, and the fossil record ALL indicate that the Earth is BILLIONS of years old. The fact that the Bible says otherwise proves that all that other stuff is simply wrong. Reason and thought are the playground of the devil. If you dare use your brain, you're going to hell.

Did you know there is a $50 million museum in Kentucky called the Creation Museum? And that they have exhibits showing humans sitting in saddles on dinosaurs? And that they maintain there were dinosaurs on Noah's ark? Not only do these people seriously believe in this crap, but they're teaching it to their children!

On the other hand, it would explain why we no longer have unicorns: They got eaten by velociraptors down in the hold of the ship.

Proponents of creationism/intelligent design simply dismiss all the preponderance of evidence that shows the last of the dinosaurs dying out 65 million years ago, as well as the equally convincing evidence that our earliest human ancestors didn't walk the Earth till two million years ago.

Now foreign students can do the math on that and come up with a difference of 63 million years. But American students? Well, forget it. Our kids ranked 23rd on those math tests. They can barely handle 2 plus two, much less 65 million minus 63 million. Besides, they're too busy trying to imagine how much fun their great-great-grandpappy must have had herding cattle on a T-Rex. Is it any wonder our kids fare so badly against foreign students?

The comedian Lewis Black jokes about the people who believe The Flintstones is a documentary. And if it was just a few oddballs, then yes, it would be pretty hilarious. But when it's a substantial percentage of your citizens, it stops being funny and just becomes downright sad.

So who's smarter? President Bush, or Miss Teen South Carolina? You be the judge.

Sex Ed In Catholic Schools

A middle school teacher in Montgomery County, Maryland, has been charged with indecent exposure.

The incident occurred when Charles R. Bouma found himself sitting next to a bus full of students from The Academy of the Holy Cross.... Yes, a Catholic school.... A Catholic girls school.

Mr. Bouma, who was in a convertible at the time, allegedly exposed his genitals to the students on the bus. Once the traffic began moving, he then circled the bus and did it again.... Presumably in case anyone on the other side of the bus missed it the first time. Quite thoughtful, if you think about it.

Oh, and he is also described as having been engaged in a "personal sexual activity" at the time, whatever that means. Someone on the bus apparently looked away long enough to jot down the car's license plate number. Mr. Bouma was arrested at his home later that evening.

Arrested!?!? Does that mean this sort of thing is frowned upon by the law? I better make note of that.

Obviously another infringement upon our personal freedoms by the Bush Administration.

Probably Just A Coincidence

Some group no one has ever heard of has come out with its ranking of the smartest and dumbest states. I mention this only because it supports my personal beliefs; rest assured that if the list had disproved my beliefs, I wouldn't have said a word about it.

Anyway, it is interesting to note that the five "smartest" states ALL voted for John Kerry in the 2004 election.

A Major In Windows With A Minor In Patching Holes

Thirty two years ago Bill Gates dropped out of college to found some fly-by-night company called Microsoft. He then went on to become the world's richest person, worth an amount even greater than what the war in Iraq costs the United States per month. Now, more than three decades later, Harvard has decided to grant Gates an honorary degree in June when he delivers the university's 356th commencement address.

It's nice to see Gates finally do something productive with his life.