Top Ten Things To Shiver Your Timbers By

The surviving Somali pirate from the Maersk Alabama incident has arrived in the U.S. and been formally charged with piracy. Here's Letterman's take on what's probably going through his head.

Walking the Plank.... Figuratively

Good news from the Indian Ocean today when an American held hostage by pirates was successfully freed. Apparently snipers aboard a navy destroyer on the scene shot and killed three of the pirates holding the victim. Considering that the pirates were on a small lifeboat bobbing up and down, those could not have easy shots.

Also, more details are beginning to emerge about what happened when the American freighter was first seized. Apparently there was a struggle between the crew and the pirates. It ended only when the ship's captain offered himself up as a hostage in exchange for the safety of his crew.

Meanwhile, a spokesman for the pirate group orchestrating these attacks on ships in the area said that there was a lesson to be learned here: "Our friends should have done more to kill the captain before they were killed. This will be a good lesson for us.... From now on, if we capture foreign ships and their respective countries try to attack us, we will kill them (the hostages)."

Hmmm.... He better not hope there isn't a quiz on exactly what was learned today. If anything, what the world has finally discovered is that it's time to stop dicking around with these people. Untold millions of dollars in ransom have been paid over the last several years, and the money has only served to further encourage these hoodlums. The obvious solution is for the world's naval forces to step up patrols in the area. Granted, there's thousands of square miles of ocean to cover, but with a aircraft carriers providing cover, it should be easier to cover.

Hell, why don't the shipping companies hire armed escorts to accompany their ships or convoys? Remember Blackwater from Iraq? Those guys would love to have an excuse to shoot more bad guys.

Additionally, why not set up a 12 mile limit on ship traffic off the coast of Somalia? Anything that ventures beyond that gets stopped and searched, or else it gets blown out of the water. We may not be able to stop every single ship, but so what? Even if we're only intercepting, say, 50 percent of the bad guys, it introduces enough uncertainty for them that piracy loses its appeal.

Where's Jack Sparrow When You Really Need Him?

The showdown with Somali pirates in the Indian Ocean may be about to get interesting. While the crew of an American cargo ship that was seized last week managed to recapture their ship, the captain remains in the hands of Somali pirates on one of the lifeboats. He made an attempt to jump overboard and swim to a nearby American destroyer but was recaptured.

Meanwhile, more U.S. warships are expected to arrive on the scene shortly. That would normally be the end of the story, except that more pirates are on their way as well. One of their ships is a German vessel with seven hostages on board. Were it not for the captives, the situation would be laughable.

Of course, it would be REALLY embarrassing if the pirates manage to capture an American aircraft carrier during all the confusion.

Modern Day Pirates

Justice

That Saudi supertanker that was captured by Somali pirates almost two months ago has finally been freed. The Sirius Star, its load of 2.5 million barrels of oil, and the crew were released after the ship's owners paid a ransom of $3 million.

Now you might think the pirates involved are feeling pretty good about their booty. Unfortunately, their small speedboat capsized as they were hightailing it back to shore. Five of the eight pirates on board drowned; it's unclear what happened to the money.

Needless to say, I laughed so hard I about peed my pants.

Avast ye Mateys

The pirate problem plaguing the waters off Somalia has gotten so bad that a German cruise ship is going to offload its passengers before sailing through the Gulf of Aden. The passengers will then be flown to Oman, where the (hopefully still intact) ship will pick them back up.

I'm guessing the in-flight movie won't be Pirates of the Caribbean.

Oopsies

Remember the pirate ship that was sunk by the Indian warship last week? Well, it turns out that it was a Thai fishing vessel that had itself been seized by pirates earlier the same day.

The Thai boat had previously reported that it was under attack, and the crew had asked the British for assistance. But before more details could be gathered, its radio went silent. Pictures of the captured boat were broadcast to other naval vessels in the area but its unclear if the Indians got the message since they operate on a different frequency.

A Canadian crew member was rescued by another fishing boat after spending four days in the water. Fourteen more of the original crew members remain missing.

For their part, the Indians say they only fired in self defense after the pirates on the ship shot at them. Sad as it is, the situation points out the difficulty of policing that vast area of ocean.

Pass the Curry and Artillery Shells

Pirates near the coast of Somalia in recent days have seized Thai and Iranian vessels. These come on the heels of last weekend's capture of the Saudi supertanker. The pirates are now negotiating with the Saudis for a ransom. Incidentally, if you think it's Saudi Arabia that is going to be paying for the ship's release, you're wrong. Ultimately it's you and I that will pay for this in the form of higher gas prices.

But there's some good news from the area as well. A pirate ship in the Gulf of Aden recently made the mistake of firing on an Indian naval vessel. The warship quickly returned fire and sank the pirate vessel, then pursued the survivors when they tried to escape in speedboats.

The entire world was stunned by this recent development. Who even knew India had a navy?

Shiver Me Timbers,It's a Pirate's Life for Me

For the last several years, Somali pirates have harassed shipping along the northeast coast of Africa (note to Sarah Palin: That would be the continent of Africa). This is an area of strategic importance since it includes tankers coming from the Middle East, as well as freighters using the Suez Canel as a shortcut between the Atlantic and Indian Oceans. In response, the U.S. Navy has stepped up its presence in the area.

Occasionally, the pirates--usually in highly maneuverable speedboats--do succeed in capturing smaller ships and holding the crews for ransom. They are still holding a Russian freighter loaded with tanks that they captured last month. Aside from that, the pirates have had limited success.... Until this week.

This time they succeeded in capturing a Saudi Arabian supertanker the size of an aircraft carrier. The ship is loaded with two million barrels of crude oil worth about $100 million.

Of greater concern, however, is that this attack took place more than 500 miles from the coast. That's much further out to sea than the pirates have operated before, and well beyond the area patrolled by U.S. warships. It also suggests the pirates are getting bolder and more sophisticated.

On the other hand, it's kind of like a dog that loves chasing cars and finally catches one: Now that you have it, what do you do with it?

Avast Ye Mateys

Over the course of the last several years, there has been a lot of harsh rhetoric between North Korea and the United States. Recent allegations of the rogue nation's involvement in a suspected nuclear project in Syria certainly didn't help matters.

That's what makes a recent skirmish in the Indian Ocean all the more interesting. When a North Korean freighter was attacked by pirates off the coast of Somalia, it was a United States guided missile destroyer that came to the aid of the Dai Hong Dan. The crew of the freighter had managed to get off a distress signal before being overpowered. The USS James E. Williams responded by sending a helicopter to investigate. When the chopper arrived on the scene, the pirates became distracted long enough for the North Koreans to overpower their attackers. Two of the pirates were killed in the ensuing gun battle, and five others were captured.

No word on whether Johnny Depp was among the pirates.

Avast Ye Mateys!

Is this still 2006, or are we back in the 1600's? A U.S. Navy guided missile destroyer actually pursued and captured a pirate ship in the Indian Ocean near Somalia. This comes about two months after a cruise ship was attacked in the same general area. In that case, a rocket propelled grenade was fired at the Seabourne Spirit. Although it did explode on the deck, no passengers were injured.

No word on whether the prisoners will have to walk the plank.