Happy Anniversary

I'm guessing New Orleans would have gladly settled for something simpler, like flowers or a box of chocolates, on the seventh anniversary of Katrina.

When the Saints Come Marching in

Shortly after hurricane Katrina hit the gulf coast in 2005, several religious leaders said that the storm was God's way of punishing New Orleans for its loose morals. If we accept that theory as being true, what are we to make of the Saints' first ever trip to the Super Bowl? Wouldn't their victory in yesterday's NFC championship game also then be a manifestation of God's will?

Clearly God has loosened up over the last four and a half years. Not only does He no longer hold a grudge against the people of New Orleans, but by delivering victory to the city's NFL team, it is now obvious that the lord almighty specifically endorses the homosexual lifestyle and sexual debauchery for which the city is so well known.

I wonder if any ministers will be preaching THAT this coming Sunday.

Poetic Justice

When it comes to religion, I freely admit I am skeptic. Over the last few years I've become increasingly so. To blindly believe in something without any supporting evidence is just silly, especially when one considers the vastness of the universe. Seriously: If man is so damn special, why are there other galaxies? Why are there quasars? Why are there spectacular nebula? Indeed, why bother a such a vast universe? Did God create all that just so the Hubble Space Telescope would have something pretty look at? That's why I had decided that the only way I would ever believe in God is if he snuck up and bit me on the ass.

But now something has happened that has caused me to question my lack of faith. Indeed, it can only be explained as a divine miracle. Not only is it absolute proof of a supreme being, but evidence he (or she) has a wicked sense of humor with a strong undercurrent of irony.

Early last week, Stuart Shepard of the conservative group Focus on the Family, asked evangelical Christians to pray for "rain of biblical proportions" to fall on Denver's Invesco Field during Barack Obama's acceptance speech. The idea was that since Democrats are generally pro-choice and want to legalize same sex unions, Evangelicals should ask God to smite the godless heathens by washing out their big party.

I'm not sure exactly why the prayers were thought to be necessary. After all, isn't God supposed to be all-knowing? Wouldn't he have at least the headlines about the Democratic convention on Yahoo's home page? Wouldn't he have been capable of deciding on a course of action on his own, without the distraction of millions of prayers? Speaking for myself, I certainly know I find it impossible to think when people are yelling at me.

Well, needless to say, it didn't happen. It did NOT rain, and Obama went on to deliver an inspiring speech.

The Republicans, on the other hand, were looking forward to throwing their own big celebration this week. Their convention was supposed to open tonight with speeches by George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. And just as the media was focused on the Democrats last week, the Republicans were hoping to get same sort of free publicity this week. It was to be a golden opportunity to introduce the McCain-Palin ticket to the American people.

Now, thanks to Hurricane Gustav, it ain't gonna happen. Both the President and Vice President have canceled their appearances. They don't seem like they're partying while disaster strikes in New Orleans. Likewise, many other Republican bigwigs from places like Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas have decided to stay home and help deal with the aftermath of Gustav. As a result, the entire convention has scaled back its once grand plans. Even worse, the news from Louisiana will likely be dominating the nation's front pages all this week while convention news is relegated to the back pages. That means less publicity for McCain.

What makes this absolutely hilarious is that McCain's choice for a running mate--Sarah Palin--is a hard core Evangelical Christian herself. She is vehemently opposed to abortion rights and is a creationist. She even wants it taught in public schools alongside evolution.

So let's get this straight: Not only did God ignore the pleas to rain out the Democrats' party, but he's using an entire f*cking hurricane to upstage the Republican convention?!?!

Stuart Shepard's plea for prayers may not have invoked the wrath of God, but it certainly tickled His sense of irony.

Gustav: About to Huff & Puff & Blow New Orleans Away

This past Wednesday morning I wrote a rather alarming post about Hurricane Gustav, and noted that it was aimed at a point just west of New Orleans. I must now shamefully admit that it was all wild speculation. The fact is that at the time, there were no computer models showing exactly what would happen with the storm almost a week down the road, and no respectable forecasters were willing to even speculate on the matter.

Irresponsible on my part? Yes. Wildly alarmist without any facts to back me up? Sadly, yes. But I reasoned that if Fox News can get away with making sh*t up, well by gosh, so can I.

So here we are four days later, and what's happening? Gustav is a strong category 3 hurricane and is expected to hit Louisiana about 60 miles to the west of New Orleans. That would put The Big Easy squarely in the most destructive part of the storm, and subject both the Mississippi River and Lake Pontchartrain to storm surges of as much as 17 feet. There is also the possibility that Gustav may re-intensify to category 4 status by the time that happens.

Katrina, in contrast, hit land as a category 3 hurricane to the east of New Orleans. Despite the flooding, the city was actually spared the worst of the storm.

So will the rebuilt levees hold this time around? With New Orleans now under a mandatory evacuation order, no one seems particularly optimistic about the prospects.

What does seem likely, however, is that by next week we'll be debating whether it's worth rebuilding the city yet again.

Saffir-Simpson hurricane scale:

Gustav Update

Today marks the third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina's landfall along the Gulf coast. And to celebrate the occasion, residents of New Orleans are bracing for Hurricane Gustav. While the storm isn't expected to make landfall till early next week, and its exact track remains somewhat uncertain, New Orleans is well within the threatened area.

Which brings me to my next point: I have a fantastic idea for an invention.

You know how some sofas open into beds? Well, how about a sofa that opens into a canoe!?! If you think about it, a sofa/canoe would be the perfect addition to any home in New Orleans! There would be no need to waste your time packing your car for what may be an unnecessary evacuation. If the worst does happen, and the levees do once again fail, you can just sit in your living room right up until the moment the water starts flooding your home. Then you just calmly float out the front door and head for dry land.

The deluxe model can include a sectional recliner/cooler to store non-perishable food items. Or beer, if you prefer.

$5.00 a Gallon?

Have you enjoyed watching gas prices fall over the last few weeks? Well, don't get too attached to the sight.

Hurricane Gustav is currently churning in the southern Caribbean and on its way to the warm waters in the Gulf of Mexico. Current forecasts have the storm passing through the center of the Gulf on Sunday, at which time it will likely intensify into a category 4 or 5 hurricane.

Now here's the fun part: If Gustav maintains its current heading, its center will pass slightly to the west of New Orleans, whereas Katrina actually passed slightly to the east. These distinctions are important because the strongest, most destructive part of a hurricane is the northeast quadrant. In other words, Gustav may well dwarf Katrina in its effects on New Orleans.

Mindful of what happened in the wake of Katrina, members of the Bush administration have already begun sticking their thumbs up their asses.

But Gustav will likely effect us all. As we learned three years ago, much of the nation's oil production is centered along the Gulf coast. Should supplies again be seriously interrupted, expect serious spikes in the price of gas. Indeed, the cost of crude oil has already begun rising, and Gustav is still five days away from Louisiana.

Book 'Em

Scott McClellan's book, What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington's Culture of Deception, continues to make waves. The White House's reaction has, of course, been when of shock and surprise. They appear stunned that anyone would level such scurrilous against the greatest President in U.S. history.

Thing is, however, that McClellan really hasn't said anything that hasn't already been said by others. So for the White House to say that these accusations of deception and incompetence are unexpected is indicative of, well, profound deception and incompetence.

Gee, what a surprise.

What McClellan has done, however, is taken all the things other disillusioned former members of the Bush administration have already said and put them into one book. And as an ex-White House press secretary, he is also the highest ranking to say these things. As such, he gives those previous comments new credibility.

So why did he take so long to say these things? For his part, McClellan says that he didn't initially set out to write such a negative book. But, he says, "Over time, as you leave the White House and leave the bubble, you're able to take off your partisan hat and take a clear-eyed look at things." He said that was when he began to become "increasingly dismayed and disillusioned."

Welcome to the club, Scott.

NOW He tells Us?

A number of Bush administration officials have already written books highly critical of Dubya's presidency. One that is yet to come out, but has been highly anticipated, is the one from former press secretary Scott McClellan.

The wait is just about over. McClellan's What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and Washington's Culture of Deception is coming out next week, and excerpts are beginning to become public. And the former White House spokesman is pulling no punches. Among his observations:

• Bush relied on "propaganda" to sell the war.
• The White House press corps was too easy on the administration during the run-up to the war.
• An admission that some of his own assertions from the briefing room podium turned out to be "badly misguided."
• After Hurricane Katrina, the White House "spent most of the first week in a state of denial."

Expanding further on Katrina, McClellan writes,

"One of the worst disasters in our nation's history became one of the biggest disasters in Bush's presidency. Katrina and the botched federal response to it would largely come to define Bush's second term. And the perception of this catastrophe was made worse by previous decisions President Bush had made, including, first and foremost, the failure to be open and forthright on Iraq and rushing to war with inadequate planning and preparation for its aftermath."

McClellan spent almost three years as press secretary and left the White House two years ago. At the risk of sounding ungrateful, it's taken him this long to figure this crap out? Isn't it kind of late? There are only 238 days left in Bush's presidency, and these revelations do no good at this point. The damage has been done.

It remains to be seen if Colin Powell will write a book. Assuming he does, he--even more than McClellan--will have to address the issue of why he didn't speak up sooner. More than any other individual, Powell had the stature and credibility to put a stop to the Iraq war before it ever started. All he would have had to do is voice his doubts. But he didn't, and Bush was able to go forward with the Iraq fiasco.

And now, more than five years later, over 4,000 American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis are dead.... All because people like Powell and McClellan remained silent.

When Hypocrisy Sneaks Up & Bites You On The Ass

The death toll from that cyclone that hit Burma (or Myanmar, or whatever the hell the dictatorship is calling itself at the moment) is now up to 22,000, and the country's 2008 shaving cream crop has been devastated. The military junta that now rules the small nation with an iron fist has been criticized for its slow response to the crisis.

In fact, the latest to weigh in on the matter has been none other than Laura Bush. Specifically, she used the word "inept" to describe the Burmese government's response to the deadly storm.

The First Lady's words carry a lot of weight in this matter. After all, she has first hand experience witnessing a nation's leaders fail to respond to a major weather disaster.

That said, I've searched Google and failed to find a similar quote from Mrs. Bush describing her own husband's response to Hurricane Katrina. I wonder why that is?

Too Bad George Harrison Isn't Around To Do Another Concert

Five days after tropical cyclone Sidr roared ashore with 155 mph winds and a 16 foot tidal surge, Bangladesh continues to pick up the pieces. 3100 people are confirmed dead from the category 4 storm, and some rescuers warn that the toll may top 10,000 once remote areas reached.

Even though Bangladesh is halfway around the world, the United States is contributing heavily to the rescue effort. Two C130 cargo planes and several naval vessels have already joined relief operations.

Americans should be proud of the help we're providing. After all, it's better than what we did for the people of New Orleans.

Hurricane FEMA

Workers from the Federal Emergency Management something or Another recently gave 48 families living in a trailer park two days to clear out. The families had been there since shortly after Hurricane Katrina decimated New Orleans.

Those ordered to leave were given minimal guidance on where to go next, or advice on how to pick up the tattered remains of their lives. And any questions they had were met with an attitude of callous indifference. Essentially, these poor lost souls were left to fend for themselves.

How dare the Bush Administration treat these poor people like.... Like.... Like Veterans!

To The Slaughter

The U.S. army is already facing a disturbing shortage of equipment. Trucks, tanks, and Humvees are wearing out faster than they can be replaced or repaired. As a result, many units are left scrambling for replacements.

So what about the 21,500 troop surge? Well, those folks will just have to hope for the best. Not only will they be poorly equipped, but the equipment shortages mean that they also will not have been properly trained.

Furthermore, there is a dire shortage of upgraded armor for Humvees. Over 4000 of the armor kits are needed to properly equip the 21,500 additional soldiers headed to Iraq, but the work won't be done till the summer. In the meantime, the additional military personnel Bush is sending to that hellhole will have to improvise by borrowing equipment from other units.

Here's a nutty idea: Forget about Iraq, and the Shiites, and the Sunnis, and whoever the hell else lives there. Just fuck that whole bunch of murderous bastards. Instead, let's send those 21,500 men and women to New Orleans, and spend a billion dollars a day rebuilding an American city.

Talk About The Water Breaking!

A woman in New Orleans is about to give birth to a baby that's a Katrina survivor.

Say what, Lugosi? Have you been snorting Diet Coke again?

In the immediate aftermath of the city's flooding, some 1400 embryos were rescued from a New Orleans fertility clinic. Among those were some belonging to Glen and Rebekah Markham. Since the couple had been wanting another child anyway, they decided to use one of the previously frozen embryos.

It's a safe bet this kid will scream louder than most whenever he gets near the bath water.

Let's Hope The Levees Hold

Astronomers, scientists, and other smart people equipped with fancy college degrees and pocket protectors are puzzled by a massive hurricane-like storm that has formed in the polar regions of Saturn. The phenomenon was first photographed by the Cassini spacecraft, the probe which has been orbiting our ringed neighbor for several years now.

The mysterious weather system measures 5,000 miles across, has a well defined eyewall, and is packing winds of 350 mph.

Meanwhile, the Bush administration has decided to ignore the threat the storm poses to Saturnians.

Flee Control

Good news just keeps pouring out of Iraq, kind of like sewage from a storm drain clogged by debris from a carbombing.

The latest is that over 1.5 million Iraqis have now fled the country. An estimated 500,000 Iraqis are seeking shelter in Jordan, and Syria has an estimated 450,000 refugees.

Some naysayers may point at these figures and say that this is horrible news, but that's only because they're defeatists.

First and most importantly, all these people fleeing Iraq is great news for the moving van and ox cart industries. Plus, coupled with the rising death toll, these figures also mean that pretty soon there won't be any Iraqis left in Iraq. Then we won't have to worry about saving them any more!

This brilliant strategy is brought to you by the same people that saved the people of New Orleans from Hurricane Katrina.

When The Saints Come Marching In

It was just over a year ago that the Superdome became synonymous with the pain and suffering that befell New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. Like the city around her, the building was a disaster. The roof had been torn up, the plumbing hopelessly overwhelmed, and the thousands of desperate people staying there had seemingly been abandoned. Rumors of the lawlessness inside were rampant. Because of the physical damage, as well as associated images of human suffering inside and immediately outside the building, many doubted the Superdome would ever reopen.

Well, the skeptics have been proven wrong. The roof has been repaired, the plumbing unstopped, and the seats replaced. Tonight, after a year of playing their "home" games away, the Saints have returned to their home.

Regardless of whatever the final score may end up being, New Orleans will be the winner of tonight's game.