Happy Anniversary

I'm guessing New Orleans would have gladly settled for something simpler, like flowers or a box of chocolates, on the seventh anniversary of Katrina.

Introducing Paloma

The North Atlantic hurricane season doesn't officially end for another three weeks. As a reminder of that, Hurricane Paloma strengthened into a category 4 storm last night. Winds are currently 140 mph, with gusts up to 160 mph. Paloma is currently in the Caribbean and expected to hit the central southern coast of Cuba sometime tonight.

The storm is expected to weaken after crossing the island and continue northeastward. That will take it away from the U.S. coast, thereby giving Bush one less chance to royally f*ck something up in the waning days of his administration.

Ike's Rising Toll

One of the more remarkable things about the aftermath of Hurricane Ike had been the apparently low death toll. The number of dead--at least in Texas--had appeared to be fewer than a dozen. As it turns out, that figure may have been deceptively low since it only counted those bodies that had actually been found.

Authorities say that as many as 300 more remain missing. So what happened to them? Some bodies may be in remote marshes, or buried under all the debris from what used to be Galveston. Others may simply have been swept out to sea as the water receded. Those people will likely never be found.

So why do some people ignore evacuation orders? The reasons range from "hurricane fatigue" caused by previous false alarms. Others may simply lack transportation, or else they don't have any place to stay. In many cases, people just don't have the funds to stay in a hotel for what may turn out to be a week or more. And so they stay behind.

Sure, to the rest of us people like that may seem foolish. But if you think about it, how would you feel if authorities wouldn't let you near your house for two weeks? Many of us would probably find a way to rationalize staying behind.

Another Flip-Flopper

Life's a Gas

Not to brag (well, maybe just a little), but a couple of weeks ago I predicted gas would hit $5.00 a gallon. Granted, it didn't happen with hurricane Gustav, but Ike has delivered. Overnight the price of regular unleaded has gone as high as $5.50 in some parts of the nation.

Despite some of the earlier dire forecasts, Ike was "only" a category 2 hurricane when it finally hit the Galveston/Houston area early yesterday. But it was also a massive storm, nearly the size of Texas. Ike was so big, even Paris Hilton was impressed, and she's certainly seen more than her share of big ones.

The problem for the oil industry is that thanks to Ike, 20% of the nation's refining capacity is now offline. And even though the storm's wind and flood damage may have been less severe than anticipated, the electric grid is so shredded at the moment that it may be weeks before some refineries can be restarted.

Perhaps what's most predictable about the current situation is that as the price of gasoline goes through the stratosphere, politicians will be tripping all over one another condemning the oil industry and calling for investigations. The resulting hot air is expected to worsen global warming, hasten the melting of arctic ice, and further stress already endangered polar bears.

Oh, and Ike also killed a bunch of people. But priorities are priorities, and the rest of us can't be expected to worry about little things like that at the moment.

Sure, the rest of the world is still pretty damn jealous of our still relatively low gas prices. But we're Americans, by gosh, and we're entitled to cheap gasoline. God said so. It's in the damn Bible.... Right by the part that condemns same-sex marriages.

Storm's a-Brewin'

Hurricane Ike is expected to make landfall tonight in the Galveston area as either a category 3 or 4 storm. Galveston, which lost 8,000 people in a 1900 hurricane, can expect a storm surge of as much as 18 feet. Houston, located northeast of Galveston, is far enough inland that the surge won't be a factor. However, it will also be in Ike's northeast quadrant, which means the city may have to endure winds of 150mph.

Located in the general area: The United States' largest concentration of oil refineries. Translated, that means today might be a good time to fill up your tank.

But of even greater concern to the Bush administration is that the Houston/Galveston area has a much higher ratio of Caucasians than does New Orleans. Some political experts warn that images of bloated corpses of white people floating in the streets might hurt the Republican ticket.

He Really Does Work in Mysterious Ways

Hurricane Ike is now expected to hit Texas on Saturday as a category 4 storm. If the forecast holds, that would make it even stronger than Katrina. Landfall is expected somewhere between Corpus Christi and Houston.

This is rather odd. After all, it's Massachusetts and California that allow same sex marriages, and New York has now begun recognizing such unions performed elsewhere. Canada also now allows gay marriages, as do several European countries.

So given this vast multitude of other areas that are apparently just begging for divine retribution, why does God instead choose to send hurricanes to states in America's Bible Belt? Why isn't Ike targeting some place like Boston? How come you never hear of category 5 storms bearing down on Montreal?

Either God has a really lousy sense of direction, or He just hates judgmental self-righteous Bible thumping pinheads who claim to speak on His behalf.

I Don't Like Ike

The most active Atlantic hurricane season in three years continues to spawn hurricanes much like the daughters of evangelical Christian Governors spew out illegitimate children. So far, however, no hurricanes have been offered major positions in a potential John McCain administration.

Just here in the Washington area we received a two day soaking from the remnants of tropical storm Fay a week and a half ago. Then just this past Saturday Hanna dropped as much as 8.9 inches on parts of the region, causing some flooding.

That came after Hurricane Gustav threatened to deliver another major blow to New Orleans last week. Though the city was spared a catastrophe, other areas of Louisiana weren't so fortunate.

Now there's a new threat: Hurricane Ike. Ike is currently lashing Cuba with category 2 winds, and the storm's eye is expected to travel much of the length of the commie infested island. Ike will then enter the Gulf of Mexico where it is expected to restrengthen. After that the next stop will be either Texas or--yes--Louisiana. While Gustav failed to cause major damage to the nation's oil industry, it remains to be seen what effect Ike will have.

So what's with all the hurricanes this year? There is a theory called the Butterfly Effect which postulates that the flapping of an insect's wings in Africa can initiate a chain of atmospheric events that ultimately result in the formation of a hurricane.

Ridiculous? Perhaps, but so were the claims of WMD's in Iraq.

If Bush wants to leave a legacy he can truly be proud of, he should invade Africa and kill all the damn butterflies.

Windy Weather

As the most active hurricane season since 2005 continues to pick up steam, a new study suggests that the strongest tropical cyclones are getting even stronger because of global warming.

According to the scientists involved, the average wind speed of the strongest storms has increased from 140 mph in 1981 to 156 mph in 2006. At the same time, the temperature of the ocean surface in the regions where cyclones form has increased by half a degree. Likewise, the annual frequency of major tropical storms has increased from 13 to 17.

While the last two years have been unusually quite in the Atlantic, it's important for Americans to remember that we aren't the only ones who get such storms. Last year Asia experienced an unusually heavy typhoon season, and let's not forget the cyclone that devastated Myanmar earlier this year.

Burning Bush

Gustav Wusses Out

Well, Hurricane Gustav certainly turned out to be something of a disappointment. It weakened into a category 2 storm before making landfall, and for the most part spared New Orleans. Although water did splash over some of the floodwalls, the levees held.

Still, there is hope for more death and destruction as the Atlantic hurricane season picks up steam. Hurricane Hanna is on course to strike the southeast U.S. later this week. Following in her footsteps is Tropical Storm Ike, which is expected to become a hurricane in two days. And if that's not enough, Tropical Depression Ten has formed off the coast of Africa.

Maybe it's time to install one of those Baskin-Robbins style "Take a number" dispensers off the coast.

Poetic Justice

When it comes to religion, I freely admit I am skeptic. Over the last few years I've become increasingly so. To blindly believe in something without any supporting evidence is just silly, especially when one considers the vastness of the universe. Seriously: If man is so damn special, why are there other galaxies? Why are there quasars? Why are there spectacular nebula? Indeed, why bother a such a vast universe? Did God create all that just so the Hubble Space Telescope would have something pretty look at? That's why I had decided that the only way I would ever believe in God is if he snuck up and bit me on the ass.

But now something has happened that has caused me to question my lack of faith. Indeed, it can only be explained as a divine miracle. Not only is it absolute proof of a supreme being, but evidence he (or she) has a wicked sense of humor with a strong undercurrent of irony.

Early last week, Stuart Shepard of the conservative group Focus on the Family, asked evangelical Christians to pray for "rain of biblical proportions" to fall on Denver's Invesco Field during Barack Obama's acceptance speech. The idea was that since Democrats are generally pro-choice and want to legalize same sex unions, Evangelicals should ask God to smite the godless heathens by washing out their big party.

I'm not sure exactly why the prayers were thought to be necessary. After all, isn't God supposed to be all-knowing? Wouldn't he have at least the headlines about the Democratic convention on Yahoo's home page? Wouldn't he have been capable of deciding on a course of action on his own, without the distraction of millions of prayers? Speaking for myself, I certainly know I find it impossible to think when people are yelling at me.

Well, needless to say, it didn't happen. It did NOT rain, and Obama went on to deliver an inspiring speech.

The Republicans, on the other hand, were looking forward to throwing their own big celebration this week. Their convention was supposed to open tonight with speeches by George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. And just as the media was focused on the Democrats last week, the Republicans were hoping to get same sort of free publicity this week. It was to be a golden opportunity to introduce the McCain-Palin ticket to the American people.

Now, thanks to Hurricane Gustav, it ain't gonna happen. Both the President and Vice President have canceled their appearances. They don't seem like they're partying while disaster strikes in New Orleans. Likewise, many other Republican bigwigs from places like Louisiana, Mississippi, and Texas have decided to stay home and help deal with the aftermath of Gustav. As a result, the entire convention has scaled back its once grand plans. Even worse, the news from Louisiana will likely be dominating the nation's front pages all this week while convention news is relegated to the back pages. That means less publicity for McCain.

What makes this absolutely hilarious is that McCain's choice for a running mate--Sarah Palin--is a hard core Evangelical Christian herself. She is vehemently opposed to abortion rights and is a creationist. She even wants it taught in public schools alongside evolution.

So let's get this straight: Not only did God ignore the pleas to rain out the Democrats' party, but he's using an entire f*cking hurricane to upstage the Republican convention?!?!

Stuart Shepard's plea for prayers may not have invoked the wrath of God, but it certainly tickled His sense of irony.

Gustav: About to Huff & Puff & Blow New Orleans Away

This past Wednesday morning I wrote a rather alarming post about Hurricane Gustav, and noted that it was aimed at a point just west of New Orleans. I must now shamefully admit that it was all wild speculation. The fact is that at the time, there were no computer models showing exactly what would happen with the storm almost a week down the road, and no respectable forecasters were willing to even speculate on the matter.

Irresponsible on my part? Yes. Wildly alarmist without any facts to back me up? Sadly, yes. But I reasoned that if Fox News can get away with making sh*t up, well by gosh, so can I.

So here we are four days later, and what's happening? Gustav is a strong category 3 hurricane and is expected to hit Louisiana about 60 miles to the west of New Orleans. That would put The Big Easy squarely in the most destructive part of the storm, and subject both the Mississippi River and Lake Pontchartrain to storm surges of as much as 17 feet. There is also the possibility that Gustav may re-intensify to category 4 status by the time that happens.

Katrina, in contrast, hit land as a category 3 hurricane to the east of New Orleans. Despite the flooding, the city was actually spared the worst of the storm.

So will the rebuilt levees hold this time around? With New Orleans now under a mandatory evacuation order, no one seems particularly optimistic about the prospects.

What does seem likely, however, is that by next week we'll be debating whether it's worth rebuilding the city yet again.

Saffir-Simpson hurricane scale:

Gustav Update

Today marks the third anniversary of Hurricane Katrina's landfall along the Gulf coast. And to celebrate the occasion, residents of New Orleans are bracing for Hurricane Gustav. While the storm isn't expected to make landfall till early next week, and its exact track remains somewhat uncertain, New Orleans is well within the threatened area.

Which brings me to my next point: I have a fantastic idea for an invention.

You know how some sofas open into beds? Well, how about a sofa that opens into a canoe!?! If you think about it, a sofa/canoe would be the perfect addition to any home in New Orleans! There would be no need to waste your time packing your car for what may be an unnecessary evacuation. If the worst does happen, and the levees do once again fail, you can just sit in your living room right up until the moment the water starts flooding your home. Then you just calmly float out the front door and head for dry land.

The deluxe model can include a sectional recliner/cooler to store non-perishable food items. Or beer, if you prefer.

$5.00 a Gallon?

Have you enjoyed watching gas prices fall over the last few weeks? Well, don't get too attached to the sight.

Hurricane Gustav is currently churning in the southern Caribbean and on its way to the warm waters in the Gulf of Mexico. Current forecasts have the storm passing through the center of the Gulf on Sunday, at which time it will likely intensify into a category 4 or 5 hurricane.

Now here's the fun part: If Gustav maintains its current heading, its center will pass slightly to the west of New Orleans, whereas Katrina actually passed slightly to the east. These distinctions are important because the strongest, most destructive part of a hurricane is the northeast quadrant. In other words, Gustav may well dwarf Katrina in its effects on New Orleans.

Mindful of what happened in the wake of Katrina, members of the Bush administration have already begun sticking their thumbs up their asses.

But Gustav will likely effect us all. As we learned three years ago, much of the nation's oil production is centered along the Gulf coast. Should supplies again be seriously interrupted, expect serious spikes in the price of gas. Indeed, the cost of crude oil has already begun rising, and Gustav is still five days away from Louisiana.

The Little Storm That Could

Even though tropical storm Fay never quite achieved hurricane status, she nonetheless managed to weasel her way into the record books by making landfall in Florida four times. She also dropped as much as 25" of rain on parts of the state.

President Bush has already declared Florida a disaster area.... Which is only appropriate since it's the state that delivered the presidency to Bush in the first place. Think of it as professional courtesy between two disasters.

And although Fay has now been downgraded to a tropical depression, she's far from done. The slow moving system is now centered along the Florida-Alabama border and is expected to gradually drift westward into Mississippi and--yes--Louisiana.

At least it gives the people of New Orleans something to look forward to.

Wet

Tropical storm Fay continues the lord's work in Florida. After sitting off the coast near Daytona Beach for more than a day, the storm has finally moved back inland. This makes Fay only the fourth storm since record keeping began--and the first since Donna in 1960--to hit Florida three times with at least tropical storm foce.

While Fay remains below hurricane strength, it is nonetheless a prolific rainmaker. Some parts of the so-called Sunshine state have now received as much as 30 inches of rain, which is just astounding. In comparison, Hurricane Mitch dumped 20 inches of rain on Central America a few years ago and entire mountainside villages were swept out to sea, resulting in a severe illegal alien shortage in the United States that fall.

Fortunately Florida has no mountains, and no retirement communities have been swept away yet. On the other hand, the state does have a lot of pissed off alligators at the moment.

Still Pissed After All These Years

Pretty much the entire state of Florida is going to receive a pounding from Tropical Storm Fay. She hit the Florida Keys yesterday and then officially made landfall near Naples along the Gulf coast. Fay then traveled northeast across the peninsula, and the storm's center is currently over the Atlantic. Forecasters now expect the storm to sit for most of the day over open water which will enable it to gather strength. Once re-energized, Fay may once again come ashore tomorrow along the east coast of Florida as a category one hurricane and head back inland over the Sunshine state.

Here we are almost eight years later, and God is STILL punishing Florida for giving us George Bush!

Olympics Update

Burma continues to lead the 2008 disaster Olympics with an estimated 100,000 dead from the cyclone that hit two weeks ago. That total may continue to grow as disease and starvation spread among the survivors.

China remains a distant second, with only 50,000 feared dead from last week's massive earthquake. That total may grow if disease begins to spread among survivors, but experts don't see anyway it can overtake Burma's early lead.

The United States remains a dark horse in the competition. No serious entries yet, but with the 2008 Atlantic hurricane season starting on June 1 and President Bush still in office, the nation may yet manage to field an formidable late entry.