Do the Right Thing

I had a really bizarre dream last night. It was about 2000 years ago and had just come out of a Starbucks in Judea when I noticed a screaming mob down the street. So I went to see what was what.

It was Jesus and His disciples, and they were stoning some woman who was cowering in the middle of the street. So I turned to Jesus and said, "My lord, what hath this poor wretch done to deserve this? Is she a prostitute?"

"No," said our savior. "Much worse."

"Is she a thief?" I asked.

"No," said the son of God. "Much, much worse."

"Was she caught using birth control?"

"No," said the lord. "Even worse. She's an illegal alien who has come here looking for a better life her family."

Horrified, I picked up the biggest rock I could find and bashed her skull in.

So Jesus patted me on the back and bought me a beer.

Damn Illegal Aliens Are Everywhere

An Old Argument, Now More Timely Than Ever

This past weekend Virginia was the scene of a tragic car crash that may have national implications. The reason: An illegal immigrant was driving drunk and ran head-on into a car carrying three nuns, killing one and sending the other two to the hospital. To their credit, other members of the Benedictine Sisters are saying that the incident should NOT be used for political purposes in the debate over illegal immigration.

In any event, the tragedy calls to mind a heated argument between Bill O'Reilly and Geraldo Rivera that took place several years ago:

Escaped Killers on the Loose; Nothing to Worry About

Three convicted murders have escaped from a prison in Arizona. Officials have identified the escapees as Tracy Province, 42; Daniel Renwick, 36; and John McCluskey, 45. At one point the trio hijacked a truck and forced the driver to take them to Flagstaff.

State officials say there is no need for the public to be alarmed, however. None of the escapees is an illegal immigrant.

Where's That Border Wall When You Really Need It?

I, for one, am tired of those damn illegal aliens coming over here and stealing jobs from REAL Americans.

A Twist on the Illegal Immigration Debate

Mexico Builds Border Wall To Keep Out US Assholes

Come Flu With Me

A brand new strain of swine flu has been identified in Mexico. The previously unknown virus is a mix of previous strains that had individually infected pigs, birds, and humans. What makes this new variation so dangerous is that--unlike the SARS virus from a few years ago--it is apparently spreading easily from human to human. Out of about 1,000 known victims, 68 have died. That number makes it a particularly dangerous flu. A state of emergency has all but shut down Mexico City, with all sorts of public gatherings being canceled. The few people that have ventured outdoors have resorted to wearing surgical masks.

Like most Mexicans, the new bug is paying no mind to international borders. Several cases of swine flu been identified in the U.S. though none have proven fatal.... So far. As a precaution, schools where the virus has surfaced have been closed down in an effort to halt its spread. A cluster of cases has even been identified in New Zealand. It was among a group of students that had recently returned from a trip to Mexico.

Meanwhile, alarmed that another nation has come up with a new type of flu that is inducing worldwide panic, China has filed a lawsuit claiming patent infringement.

A Look Ahead at the 2009 Job Market

The Upside of Economic Collapse

According to new statistics, the number of illegal aliens coming across the border to the United States has dropped dramatically. The reason? Our economy. Illegals are finding it harder and harder to find jobs in America.

WOW!!! You know things are getting bad when even destitute Mexicans, their meaningless lives doomed to a permanent cycle of abject poverty and starvation, no longer think they'd be any better off in the U.S.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Recent flooding in Arizona was worsened by a border fence that was designed to keep out illegal aliens. Apparently the mesh that was intended to allow water to flow through becomes easily clogged with debris. According to some groups, the problem has been worsened by the Bush administration's decision to waive environmental concerns so that the fence could be built faster.

Well, that's certainly shocking. Who'd have ever thought that the Bush administration would disregard environmental concerns?

Even worse, with the illegals stuck on the Mexican side of the fence, who is the town going to hire to clean up the mess?

More Inflation Fears

The cleanup is only beginning after Hurricane Dolly's visit to southern Texas. The storm dumped in excess of a dozen inches of rain along the Rio Grande basin, causing severe flooding for hundreds of miles along the border with Mexico.

With many of the supply lines cut by the hurricane, and uncertainty on when the flow north of fresh ones can resume, the price of illegal aliens already in the United States is expected to skyrocket.

Except Now Mexico Has a Problem withIllegals from North of the Border

But Who Will Mow Their Lawns?

Too Many Holes

Too bad we chased off all the illegal aliens. We could have hired them to help plug the holes.

Damn Aliens Are Everywhere

Scientists studying meteorites have discovered the presence of organic molecules on meteorites. These molecules are the basic components of amino acids, which in turn are the building blocks of life itself. This is startling, because it not only implies that the seeds of life came from outer space, but that they can survive the plunge through Earth's atmosphere. It also strongly suggests that we are all alien in origin.

Of course, creationists will argue that this new evidence still doesn't explain how those molecules eventually combined to create life. That's not surprising. Whenever new scientific discoveries somehow discredit longstanding religious beliefs, the believers find a way to rationalize the evidence away, and then go on to find new straws to cling to.

The mere suggestion that we all somehow came from space is certain to also shake up the debate over illegal immigration. After all, it strongly implies that the only illegal aliens in America aren't all from Mexico.

On the other hand, let's see a basic amino acid on a meteorite mow your lawn.

Grandma Rambo

An 83 year old Santa Fe woman successfully fought off a would-be attacker at a gas station. No, the robber was NOT the gas station itself (though some may argue otherwise).

Bernie Garcia was pumping gas for her car when a man approached and asked for money. Then he grabbed her purse and tried to run, except that Garcia wouldn't let go. She even sprayed the guy with gasoline from the nozzle. He dragged her with the purse for a short distance until a bystander intervened. At that point he let go and fled with two other men in what turned out to be a stolen car. Oddly enough, it was the men who ended up being arrested.

And Garcia? She remains free, roaming the streets of Santa Fe. This is an absolute outrage! First of all, don't police always recommend that you NOT struggle with robbers? Don't they also tell you to just give muggers whatever it is they want? And let's not even talk about the precious gas she wasted on the man.

In that regard, Ms. Garcia broke the law and should be held accountable by society. Otherwise, how are criminals supposed to make an honest living in the current economic climate?

More importantly, the woman's last name is "Garcia." Did anyone bother to check if she was here legally?