Weren't the Birds Here First?

The National Transportation Safety Board has released more details on what happened to USScare Flight 1549. The plane was at 3200 feet and doing 250mph when it hit a flock of birds and simultaneously lost power in both engines. At that moment they were still over northern Manhattan and about to pass over The Bronx. The captain immediately lowered the nose of the plane to avoid stalling.

The crew declared a mayday and a controller at LaGuardia told them to turn left and return to the airport. But with zero power, it quickly became clear they weren't going make it all the way back. But with nothing but the crowded areas of New York city and northern Jersey within their reach, they quickly realized they had no alternative except the river.

Meanwhile, a controller asked which runway they wanted to use. The pilot's response? "We're gonna be in the Hudson." Helpful, in case no one on the ground happened to notice a massive Airbus A320 landing in the middle of a river.

One question that some people have raised is why jet engines don't have screens to protect against birds. The problem, according to experts, is that any screen sturdy enough to withstand an impact with a large bird is also going to restrict the airflow to the engine. Also, if the screen should break apart, you would also have chunks of metal flying into the engine in addition to the meat and bone. Says one expert: "It would be like traveling with your own flock of geese."

Meanwhile, some people are viewing the incident as proof that God exists. As I said the other day, that ignores the question of why God let the situation happen in the first place. Why didn't he just make the birds vanish before they actually hit the plane? Was he just not paying attention, and didn't notice what had happened untio it was almost too late? Well, if that's the case, then don't we deserve better service from a deity?

But if you accept that this plane was saved by God, then why do we waste money training pilots? Hell, why not have a drawing at the beginning of every flight to pick someone at random from among the passengers to fly the plane? After all, if God's in charge, nothing bad will happen even if you have a total ninny at the controls. Better yet, why don't we just develop planes that run on "prayer power?" It would eliminate the need for jet fuel AND help the environment!!

But seriously, all this fuss over what happened last Thursday ignores the hidden tragedy: The birds. What about them? They're just flying along, minding their own damn business, following their instincts as they have done for countless millennia, and suddenly a jet airplane rudely interrupts their annual migration. Where was God for them?

Someone owes those poor geese an apology.