The End Is Nigh

Is the nation's capitol headed for traffic Armageddon on January 20? It's certainly beginning to appear that way.

Some experts are predicting two million or more visitors to descend on the DC area to witness Obama's inauguration, and it's unclear exactly how the region's transportation network is supposed to absorb that influx. Most of the people will be coming by buses, but where do you put ten thousand tour buses? The parking lots at RFK Stadium and FedEx Field will be able to handle only a fraction of that number.

Then there's the question of how all those folks are supposed to get from their buses to the National Mall area. All the experts are saying that the Metrorail system will be the key, but even that's questionable. The record for Metro was set on the day of the Reagan funeral in 2004, and that was just north of 700,000 trips.

Now comes word that all the bridges from Virginia into the District will be closed to the public on Inauguration Day. Additionally, the entire downtown area will be closed to cars.

And what happens if it snows? Let's not even go there.

Oh, and let's hope none of those two million people have to take a leak, because there's only going to be 5000 portable toilets. That may sound impressive, but if you do the math and divide 5000 into two million, that comes out to one john per 400 people.

And it's a safe bet that the first guy to use each of those toilets is going to piss all over the seat. I know I would (sorry ladies, but it's an ancient territorial marking ritual hardwired into the brains of all human males).

Planning to make a cell phone call on the 20th, or send a picture to your friends of the festivities? Don't count on it, because the cellular networks are going to be overwhelmed.

I knew electing Obama was a mistake.