Well, I'm glad to report that I've now finished my holiday shopping. I've never been particularly fond of crowds, and I especially fear the madness that grips shopping mall parking lots every December. So this year, in an effort to avoid the looniness and preserve my sanity, I decided to all my gift buying online.

Fortunately, I didn't have very far to look. I simply took advantage of some of the fabulous offers that fill my in box each and every day.

That's right: I'm giving everyone on my Christmas list penis enlargement pills.

----------Jim Borgman, Cincinnati Inquirer