Wednesday, December 31, 2003

Call Me Haagan Dazs
At JFK Airport in New York, the body of a stowaway has been found in the wheel well of a British Airways 747. The plane had just arrived from London, and it is the second such incident in a week. Officials are treating the incidents as serious breaches of security.

Huh? Not only is the guy already dead, he is most sincerely dead and frozen stiffer than a popsicle. How much of a threat can a bar of Good Humor ice cream be?

I would be much more worried if he were alive and armed with an almanac.
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Jacko X
The Nation of Islam has apparently begun playing a role in the defense of Michael Jackson, though the group denies any "official" connection. If it does turn out to be true, however, it would be a shocking break with tradition.

The Nation of Islam has long been known for only helping black people.
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Speaking Of Fruitcakes....
Congratulations to Sonya Thomas, who has won a fruitcake eating contest in Buffalo, NY. She ate over 14 pounds of the holiday "treat" in ten minutes. The contest was sponsored by a local foodbank, which was encouraging people to donate unwanted fruitcakes to the hungry.

Wait a minute.... Isn't giving massive amounts of food to known gluttons in order to feed the hungry and homeless something of an oxymoron?
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MOO!!!
Cardinal Renato Martino, a top Vatican official, says he feels sorry for Saddam Hussein because the former Iraqi was treated "like a cow".

It was not immediately clear if the Cardinal also felt sorry for the hundreds of thousands who suffered brutal deaths under Saddam's rule.


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