There was horror in the skies over Kansas last night. Mitt Romney had a bunch of his top donors on his campaign plane and was flying them across the country. At some point Mitt decided it was feeling kind of stuffy on board, so he rolled down a window to get some fresh air.

As a result, the plane had to make an emergency landing in Wichita, but not before several billionaires were sucked out of the aircraft at 35,000 feet. David Koch's fat ass finally plugged the hole, preventing further loss of life.

Be Scared Be. VERY Scared.

....you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem. So it’s very dangerous....”
--Mitt Romney on 9/22/2012.

Dear God. There's a frighteningly real chance this asshat could end up as our next President. And even more scary? He'd end up making George W. Bush look like Albert Freaking Einstein.

So How's That Faith Healing Thing Working Out for You?

Two parents have avoided jail after admitting they let their son, 16, die in horrible agony because they chose to 'pray away' his burst appendix and refused to take him to the hospital. Russel and Brandi Bellew, age 39 and 36, of Creswell, Oregon, pleaded guilty to criminally negligent homicide on Tuesday and were sentenced to five years probation after reaching a plea deal with prosecutors.

The couple, who had seven children before Austin Sprout's death, are members of the General Assembly and the Church of the First Born in nearby Pleasant Hill, which shuns modern medicine and teaches parishioners that faith healing and prayer will cure disease.

The parents should fall to their knees and thank God that Oregon doesn't consider stupidity a capital crime.

Mei Xiang, the female panda at DC's National Zoo, gave birth to a cub last night. The little tyke was born at 10:46 PM,and by 10:47 Mitt Romney was holding a press conference to condemn the out-of-wedlock birth. The candidate pointed out that the National Zoo is part of the Smithsonian, which receives government funding, and therefore "the whole sorry affair is President Obama's fault, and a prime example of the decline of American morals under this administration."

"Also," added Romney, "pandas are both black AND white, much like our failed President."

Pass the Hypocrisy, Please

Never Forget

What the Fudge?

A couple of months ago I recorded "Breaking Bad" when AMC reran the series from the beginning. Finally got around to watching the first episode. The commercials are bad enough, but the worst part? The bastards censored the bad language!!! Whiskey Tango Foxtrot is THAT about?!?! The reruns aired in the middle of the night on a cable channel, so why is the cleaned up lingo necessary?

I just checked and the series is available for streaming on Netflix. I had dropped them when they restructured their pricing last year, but I guess I'm going back. I do like my dirty words.

Hey, the dude is older than dirt. And I mean that literally: He's older than dirt. He made the dirt, which means He was around before the dirt was. Otherwise the dirt would never have gotten made. Which actually wouldn't have been a bad situation, because then we'd never have to do any laundry!

Anyway, my point is, give the guy a break if He gets a little forgetful sometimes.

Definitive Proof the Moon Landing Was Faked

I would add to this list any number of other dead terrorists, and a number of dead Somali pirates.