Damn Right You Did

That Really Was a GIANT Leap

Does She Even Know the Meaning of the Word 'Irony?'

Did you catch Condoleezza Rice's speech to the Republican Convention? She had nothing but harsh words for President Obama's foreign policy, saying that America's failure to lead had made the world a more dangerous place.

Really? The person who was Bush's National Security Adviser on 9-11 has the audacity to criticize the foreign policy of the man who finally killed bin Laden?!?!?! Not to mention the fact that she was one of the top members of the team that blundered the United States into Iraq. Not to mention the time her boss threatened out allies with "either you're with us or you're against us." That little fiasco cost us over 4000 American lives, a trillion dollars, destabilized the Middle East, and cleared the way for Iran's rise to a major regional power. And now she's going to denigrate the man who has cleaned up that mess? Are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!

Please tell me this is a joke.

Happy Anniversary

I'm guessing New Orleans would have gladly settled for something simpler, like flowers or a box of chocolates, on the seventh anniversary of Katrina.

Arizona Giving Mississippi aRun for the Money in the Stupidest State Derby

Believe it or not, Arizona has passed a law saying that pregnancy starts two weeks before conception. How is this possible, you ask? It has something to do with menstrual cycles. The net effect, however, is to lessen the time that a woman can legally get an abortion in the state.

If that's not crazy enough, Arizons will also be hosting a "birthers" convention. Seriously. Good thing, too. That Obama's a slick one. He managed to plant TWO birth announcements in Hawaiian newspapers when he was less than a day old and living in a Nairobi hospital's nursery, and has spent the last four years fooling the FBI, the Secret Service, and the nation's entire national security apparatus.

I remember the good old days when I used to think that a zombie apocalypse would be how the world ends. I now know better. The world will end in a stupidity apocalypse.

Don't Shoot Me, I'm Just the Guitar Player

This also explains why you often see Mormon guys carrying three or four or even more guitars.

One Can Only Hope

If there's any justice in this world, the convention hall will be swallowed by a giant vagina.

Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow UpTo Be Republicans

(click for full size)

New Official Photo Portrait of the British Royals Released

R.I.P.

This is what Neil deGrasse Tyson had to say on the death of Neil Armstrong:

Neil Armstrong (1930-2012) was not entirely human. He was the spiritual repository of our spacefaring dreams & ambitions. In death, a little bit of us all dies with him. Farewell my friend. And now, perhaps more than ever, I bid you godspeed.

-Neil deGrasse Tyson

Why Cats Make Lousy Advice Columnists

Traffic Alert

Expect traffic snarls throughout the country this weekend. Republicans will be conducting random uterus inspections.

Who Would Make a Better President? Romney or Manson?

Who's Worse? The Taliban or Republicans?

Proof That Evolution Is Just a Theory

Evolutionary scientists say that the Neanderthals died out 30,000 years ago. The modern day Republican party proves that those scientists are wrong.

Well, If You Believe God Sent Katrina to Punish New Orleans....

Wow, even God thinks the Republicans are crazy. He's about to smite them!!

The militant Amish are the worst. They're so frighteningly violent, they can't even be pictured here without endangering YOU, my dear readers. For if anyone as much as even views their images, they show up at your house, kill you, rape your pets, and take your spouses.

Granted, it's not immediate, since they drive horse pulled buggies, but they will eventually show up.

Lions & Tigers & Humans, Oh My!

Does that cage have a bathroom in it? Because I'd be shitting the whole time.

Foresight.... Not to Be Confused with Foreskin

I'm just glad that God had the foresight to create the rest of the universe so the Hubble Space Telescope would have something to look at.

This is what will happen if the outside world is ever allowed to gaze upon Mitt Romney's hidden tax returns.

Why Republicans Would Have It EasyDuring a Zompie Apocalypse

The principle downside of a zombie apocalypse within the next three months would be a Romney victory in November.

Not Your Father's Shark Week

It Had to Be Said

Hmm.... Maybe Same Sex MarriageISN'T That Great an Idea

Republicans had predicted that if "Obamacare" passed, it would lead to the creation of death panels. Well, they were right.... Only THEY'RE the ones deciding who will die.

Getting a Rise from the Dead

Sure, the guy CLAIMS he was just sleeping in the river, but how do we know he isn't just part of a reconnaissance team for the coming zombie apocalypse?

The fact remains that there has been an inordinate amount of suspicious activity lately. Remember the Baltimore man who ate someone's brain? Or the guy who ate a dead guy's face? Or the dead baby who was found alive in the morgue? Or the dead Chinese woman who climbed out of her coffin?

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm going to begin stocking up on canned goods.

Not All Muensters Are Nice

Let's not let a bunch of cheap jokes about Paul Ryan looking like Eddie Munster distract us from the fact that he is a sociopath.
--The Borowitz Report