---------------Jack Ohman, The Oregonian

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Is That a Cable Modem in Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Me?
You know how cable companies always tout their modem services as being "Always On"? Well, that may be true in the cases of Comcast, Cox, and Time-Warner, but it's certainly not so with Adelphia. Their motto should be "Mostly Down."

I guess that level of service is to be expected of a company who's founders are in jail.

So during the past week I've been repeatedly forced to access the internet through my cellphone, but that's so pathetically slow that I kept falling asleep between clicks of the mouse. Then by the time I would finally wake up two hours later, it was time to recharge the damn battery again. Additionally, the keyboard imprint on my forehead was rather unsightly.

Having said that, I must add that I obviously haven't learned my lesson. Why not? Well, because I've decided to subscribe their new Digital Video Recorder (DVR) service. That's right: Having three VCR's just isn't enough, so now I'm going to add yet another recording device. And all this timeshifting technology is for a person who still hasn't had a chance to watch the stack of 12 VHS tapes he recorded over the past TV season.

But as God is my witness, I vow to eventually find out how the last season of The Sopranos ended.

I have several friends with TiVo units, so I'm familiar with the technology and some of the advantages over standard VCR's. But since you need a conventional phoneline to subscribe to the service--something I don't have--I haven't bothered with it.

However, USAToday had an article the other day about TiVo and some of its up and coming rivals. It mentioned that some of the newer DVR units now available from cable companies have two tuners, thereby enabling you to simultaneously record two separate shows that you'll never have a chance to watch. After checking with Adelphia, it turns out that they do offer this new unit.

There is a downside, however. Between my regular service, plus HBO, the digital package, the cable modem, and the DVR rental, my new cable bill will be so high that I'll be forced to live out on the street. But what the hell--having a roof over your head is overrated.



P.S.
I'm going downtown today. Think I'll take the Metro and have a candy bar along the way.

See you in five to ten years.