---------------Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Sunday, December 05, 2004
Giant Slayers
Last week I predicted, after a great deal of thoughtful ananlysis of the facts, a careful review of past history, and several six packs of cheap beer, that the Redskins would not score more than 20 points again in a single game until the year 2072. Well, earlier today they defeated the New York Giants 31-7. Hmmm.... Obviously my knack for predicting the future, begun when I so accurately called the presidential election last month, remains intact.
Anybody want some stock market tips?
Last week I predicted, after a great deal of thoughtful ananlysis of the facts, a careful review of past history, and several six packs of cheap beer, that the Redskins would not score more than 20 points again in a single game until the year 2072. Well, earlier today they defeated the New York Giants 31-7. Hmmm.... Obviously my knack for predicting the future, begun when I so accurately called the presidential election last month, remains intact.
Anybody want some stock market tips?
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Friday, December 03, 2004
Cream Filled Evidence
A Krispy Kreme deliveryman in Pennsylvania stopped at a store and foolishly left the engine running. Needless to say, someone jumped into the truck and took off. Police were quickly called, and found that this would be an easy case to solve since the back doors had been left open. It seems that as the thief made his getaway, he ended up leaving a trail of donuts behind him.
Police simply followed the trail to an adjacent town where they were able to recover the stolen vehicle.
No immediate word on whether the investigating officers kept stopping to eat the donuts.
A Krispy Kreme deliveryman in Pennsylvania stopped at a store and foolishly left the engine running. Needless to say, someone jumped into the truck and took off. Police were quickly called, and found that this would be an easy case to solve since the back doors had been left open. It seems that as the thief made his getaway, he ended up leaving a trail of donuts behind him.
Police simply followed the trail to an adjacent town where they were able to recover the stolen vehicle.
No immediate word on whether the investigating officers kept stopping to eat the donuts.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Is That A Wand In Your Shorts Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?
For a number of years now, the Washington Wizards have been something of a joke within the NBA. Season after season, their records were among the worst in the league.
Things may finally be turning around for them, however, as they are off to their best start since 1985. They've won five of their last six games, and are 8-5 for the season thus far.
There is, however, one highly disappointing aspect of their play: So far, none of the players have gone into the stands to kick anyone's ass.
---------------Oliphant
For a number of years now, the Washington Wizards have been something of a joke within the NBA. Season after season, their records were among the worst in the league.
Things may finally be turning around for them, however, as they are off to their best start since 1985. They've won five of their last six games, and are 8-5 for the season thus far.
There is, however, one highly disappointing aspect of their play: So far, none of the players have gone into the stands to kick anyone's ass.
________________________________________________________
---------------Oliphant
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
O Canada
President Bush is currently in Canada trying to mend fences with our northern neighbors. The people of that country, like 99% of the rest of the world, remain vehemently opposed to what the United States has done in Iraq, and they continue to greet the President with the ol' one fingered salute whenever his motorcade passes by. In fact, the situation is so bad that Bush cancelled a planned speech to the Canadian Parliament because of fears they would heckle him.
It remains to be seen how much healing Mr. Bush can actually accomplish. But if all else fails, we can always invade Montreal.
---------------David Horsey, Seattle Post Intelligencer
President Bush is currently in Canada trying to mend fences with our northern neighbors. The people of that country, like 99% of the rest of the world, remain vehemently opposed to what the United States has done in Iraq, and they continue to greet the President with the ol' one fingered salute whenever his motorcade passes by. In fact, the situation is so bad that Bush cancelled a planned speech to the Canadian Parliament because of fears they would heckle him.
It remains to be seen how much healing Mr. Bush can actually accomplish. But if all else fails, we can always invade Montreal.
________________________________________________________
---------------David Horsey, Seattle Post Intelligencer
Monday, November 29, 2004
Merry Christmas And Pass the Axe
Every year the Christmas tree that graces the west lawn of the U.S. Capitol comes from a different state. The tree that will do so this year arrived in DC earlier today, and for the first time it's one from Virginia.
The winner is--or was--a magnificent 82 foot tall red spruce that had been growing in the George Washington National Forest for the last 106 years. The red spruce is actually native to New England, and survives this far south only in isolated pockets at higher elevations. Plus, the area where this particular tree was found was largely clearcut by timber companies some 80 years ago. It was only by dumb luck this particular one survived and grew into such a proud and beautiful representative of its species.
The lesson in all this? If you're a tree, you'll live longer if you remain a pathetic, scrawny sapling.
Every year the Christmas tree that graces the west lawn of the U.S. Capitol comes from a different state. The tree that will do so this year arrived in DC earlier today, and for the first time it's one from Virginia.
The winner is--or was--a magnificent 82 foot tall red spruce that had been growing in the George Washington National Forest for the last 106 years. The red spruce is actually native to New England, and survives this far south only in isolated pockets at higher elevations. Plus, the area where this particular tree was found was largely clearcut by timber companies some 80 years ago. It was only by dumb luck this particular one survived and grew into such a proud and beautiful representative of its species.
The lesson in all this? If you're a tree, you'll live longer if you remain a pathetic, scrawny sapling.
Sunday, November 28, 2004
1936 Just Won't Go Away
The Pittsburgh Steelers are currently one of the best teams in the NFL. They are the only team to have handed Philadphia and New England losses this year, and the Steelers will likely be in the Super Bowl come February.So when the hapless Washington Redkins went up against them earlier today, pretty much everyone was expecting a bloodbath. And though the Skins lost 16-7, at least they didn't thoroughly embarrass themselves like in last week's 26-6 loss to the Eagles.
Indeed, the Redskins have been having a horrible year, and it's all the more disappointing because everyone had such high hopes with the return of Joe Gibbs. Not only are they at a dismal 3-8 for the season, the team has now gone 11 games without scoring at least 20 points. This is the first time that has happened since 1936.
But the low point had to be when they blew the outcome of the presidential election. As you may recall, the Redskins had been accurately forecasting the outcome of the presidential election since--there's that year again--1936. Whenever the team lost their last home game prior to election day, the incumbent party would end up losing the White House. Likewise, whenever Washington won their last home game before the election, the incumbent party kept the White House (See item 5). So when the Skins lost to Green Bay at home on Oct. 31, it seemed to foretell a John Kerry victory on Nov. 2.
Oh, and there's one other noteworthy item about how 1936 ties into the events of 2004: It's the last time the cicadas came out during a presidential election year!
Yes, it's true. Those horny little buggers, who operate on a 17 year cycle, emerged to have sweaty cicada sex in 1987, 1970, 1953, and... 1936!
Isn't it obvious what this means? The Redskins won't be scoring 20 points or more again until the year 2072!
Saturday, November 27, 2004
Buy It Or He'll Kick Your Ass
NBA bad boy Ron Artest can't seem to get a break. He was unjustly suspended for the rest of the season for trying to kill a spectator a fan last Friday night. Then earlier this week a lot of people criticized him for not showing any remorse over his actions when he was interviewed on the Today Show. In fact, every time host Matt Lauer tied to ask him about the brawl, instead of answering the question Artest would work in another plug for his new rap CD, Chapter III.
Despite all that free publicity, the aforementioned CD just isn't selling. Tower Records in DC sold only three copies the first day it was out, and Amazon.com is reporting its ranking as being 13,565.
---------------Cameron Cardow, Ottawa Citizen
I will admit that I was one of the three people who bought a copy of the album. No, I haven't listened to it, nor do I plan to. But if Artest shows up at my front door and tries to kick my ass, I'll at least be able to pull out the CD and beg for mercy.
The rest of you are on your own.
NBA bad boy Ron Artest can't seem to get a break. He was unjustly suspended for the rest of the season for trying to kill a spectator a fan last Friday night. Then earlier this week a lot of people criticized him for not showing any remorse over his actions when he was interviewed on the Today Show. In fact, every time host Matt Lauer tied to ask him about the brawl, instead of answering the question Artest would work in another plug for his new rap CD, Chapter III.
Despite all that free publicity, the aforementioned CD just isn't selling. Tower Records in DC sold only three copies the first day it was out, and Amazon.com is reporting its ranking as being 13,565.
---------------Cameron Cardow, Ottawa Citizen
I will admit that I was one of the three people who bought a copy of the album. No, I haven't listened to it, nor do I plan to. But if Artest shows up at my front door and tries to kick my ass, I'll at least be able to pull out the CD and beg for mercy.
The rest of you are on your own.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Buy-Buy!
Today is traditionally considered the biggest shopping day of the year, and many retailers are out to get as much of your money as quickly as they can. Kay-Bee Toys is opening as early as 5 A.M. Others, such as Circuit City, Best Buy, And Sears are opening at 6.
This is kind of early for most people to be dragging their keisters out of bed just to go shopping. That's why Target stores are offering free, no obligation wake-up calls from celebrities such as Ice T, Heidi Klum, Cheech Marin, and even Darth Vader.
This is an extremely clever idea, but it does propmpt one important question: Who the heck is Heidi Klum?
---------------Dana Summers, Orlando Sentinel
Today is traditionally considered the biggest shopping day of the year, and many retailers are out to get as much of your money as quickly as they can. Kay-Bee Toys is opening as early as 5 A.M. Others, such as Circuit City, Best Buy, And Sears are opening at 6.
This is kind of early for most people to be dragging their keisters out of bed just to go shopping. That's why Target stores are offering free, no obligation wake-up calls from celebrities such as Ice T, Heidi Klum, Cheech Marin, and even Darth Vader.
This is an extremely clever idea, but it does propmpt one important question: Who the heck is Heidi Klum?
---------------Dana Summers, Orlando Sentinel
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Oh Thank Heaven for 7-11
I'm afraid to go into Starbucks.
I think my fear is due to emotional scars that still inhabit my psyche. You see, the first time I ever wandered into one of their stores, I made the mistake of ordering a "medium coffee." No fancy-schmancy cappuwhatever or frappasomething. All I wanted was a "medium coffee," and that's what I ordered.
Needless to say, everyone began laughing and pointing, and I quickly fled in tears.
The whole incident left me bitter and disillusioned, and to this day I have never set foot in another Starbucks. Just between you and me and the keyboard, I still don't know what a "latte" is. And don't even think about asking me to explain the cup sizes!! Just what the hell is a "venti" anyway? I mean, if I wanted to learn freakin' eye-talian, I'd go take a foreign language class.
Now comes word that Starbucks has prepared a 22 page "Guide to Beverages." Is this what our world has come to? An instruction manual to order a cup of coffee!?!
Besides, I'm a man. I don't do instruction manuals.
---------------Walt Handelsman, Newsday
Duck
I went to the fights last night and a basketball game broke out.
I'm afraid to go into Starbucks.
I think my fear is due to emotional scars that still inhabit my psyche. You see, the first time I ever wandered into one of their stores, I made the mistake of ordering a "medium coffee." No fancy-schmancy cappuwhatever or frappasomething. All I wanted was a "medium coffee," and that's what I ordered.
Needless to say, everyone began laughing and pointing, and I quickly fled in tears.
The whole incident left me bitter and disillusioned, and to this day I have never set foot in another Starbucks. Just between you and me and the keyboard, I still don't know what a "latte" is. And don't even think about asking me to explain the cup sizes!! Just what the hell is a "venti" anyway? I mean, if I wanted to learn freakin' eye-talian, I'd go take a foreign language class.
Now comes word that Starbucks has prepared a 22 page "Guide to Beverages." Is this what our world has come to? An instruction manual to order a cup of coffee!?!
Besides, I'm a man. I don't do instruction manuals.
________________________________________________________
---------------Walt Handelsman, Newsday
________________________________________________________
Duck
I went to the fights last night and a basketball game broke out.
Monday, November 22, 2004
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Basketbrawl
Sports news for the last several days has been dominated by talk about the big brawl at the Detroit Pistons/Indiana Pacers game the other night. While fights between opposing players during a game are not that unusual, this was one of the few times that players have actually gone after fans in the stands. Today, the NBA suspended Indiana's Ron Artest for the rest of the season for his role in the melee.
The whole thing was actually started by a Detroit fan when he threw a cup of beer at some of the Pacers. Did that childish act justify a near riot? Well, I certainly think so. And instead of a suspension, Artest should be given a medal for trying to subdue an obviously deranged lunatic.
I mean, have you seen the price of concessions these days at sporting events? At seven bucks for a 16 oz. cup of beer, you'd have to be seriously crazy to go around throwing the stuff at people.
Sports news for the last several days has been dominated by talk about the big brawl at the Detroit Pistons/Indiana Pacers game the other night. While fights between opposing players during a game are not that unusual, this was one of the few times that players have actually gone after fans in the stands. Today, the NBA suspended Indiana's Ron Artest for the rest of the season for his role in the melee.
The whole thing was actually started by a Detroit fan when he threw a cup of beer at some of the Pacers. Did that childish act justify a near riot? Well, I certainly think so. And instead of a suspension, Artest should be given a medal for trying to subdue an obviously deranged lunatic.
I mean, have you seen the price of concessions these days at sporting events? At seven bucks for a 16 oz. cup of beer, you'd have to be seriously crazy to go around throwing the stuff at people.
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Gobble, Gobble, Arrgh....
In what is one of the odder traditions around here, the President has issued his annual pardon on behalf two turkeys. This years lucky recipients were named, appropriately enough, Biscuits and Gravy. The normally lighthearted event nearly turned tragic when Bush inexplicably grabbed one of the defenseless birds by the throat and decided to demonstrate exactly what he would do if he ever met filmmaker Michael Moore.
A benefit of the pardon is that the lucky pair will be allowed to live out their remaining days at a nearby Virginia petting zoo. Meanwhile, millions of their brothers in feathers will be slaughtered for no reason other than that they voted for John Kerry.
After the ceremony there was an embarrassing mix up when petting zoo officials inadvertently took the wrong pair of turkeys back to Virginia. The mistake was discovered when the President of Sri Lanka, an integral member of the Coalition of the Willing, showed up for a meeting and discovered Biscuits sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office. A subsequent search of the White House grounds failed to turn up either President Bush or Vice President Cheney.
Petting zoo officials were contacted and arrangements quickly made to correct the mistake.
In what is one of the odder traditions around here, the President has issued his annual pardon on behalf two turkeys. This years lucky recipients were named, appropriately enough, Biscuits and Gravy. The normally lighthearted event nearly turned tragic when Bush inexplicably grabbed one of the defenseless birds by the throat and decided to demonstrate exactly what he would do if he ever met filmmaker Michael Moore.
A benefit of the pardon is that the lucky pair will be allowed to live out their remaining days at a nearby Virginia petting zoo. Meanwhile, millions of their brothers in feathers will be slaughtered for no reason other than that they voted for John Kerry.
After the ceremony there was an embarrassing mix up when petting zoo officials inadvertently took the wrong pair of turkeys back to Virginia. The mistake was discovered when the President of Sri Lanka, an integral member of the Coalition of the Willing, showed up for a meeting and discovered Biscuits sitting behind the desk in the Oval Office. A subsequent search of the White House grounds failed to turn up either President Bush or Vice President Cheney.
Petting zoo officials were contacted and arrangements quickly made to correct the mistake.
________________________________________________________
Thursday, November 18, 2004
But Does It Have a Cigar Shop?
The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library was dedicated in Arkansas today. It is expected to immediately become one of the top tourist draws in the state because, well, it's Arkansas.
The library features stunning architecture, a timeline of the Clinton presidency stretching the length of the gallery, a full-scale replica of the Oval Office, interactive displays, and a bucking mechanical intern that visitors can ride for a quarter.
---------------Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal Constitution
The William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library was dedicated in Arkansas today. It is expected to immediately become one of the top tourist draws in the state because, well, it's Arkansas.
The library features stunning architecture, a timeline of the Clinton presidency stretching the length of the gallery, a full-scale replica of the Oval Office, interactive displays, and a bucking mechanical intern that visitors can ride for a quarter.
---------------Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal Constitution
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Of Course the Needle Is Sterile. I Wiped It on My Pants!
Lionel Richie's estranged wife has been arrested for running an illegal plastic surgery operation out of her home. Evidently she would hold "botox parties" during which her boyfriend would inject people with various anti-wrinkle medicines. Unfortunately he was unlicensed to do so, and several people suffered complications from the injections.
Hmmm.... I have an old wet vac out in the garage that's just sitting there. Maybe I'll hold a liposuction party next Saturday night!!
Lionel Richie's estranged wife has been arrested for running an illegal plastic surgery operation out of her home. Evidently she would hold "botox parties" during which her boyfriend would inject people with various anti-wrinkle medicines. Unfortunately he was unlicensed to do so, and several people suffered complications from the injections.
Hmmm.... I have an old wet vac out in the garage that's just sitting there. Maybe I'll hold a liposuction party next Saturday night!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Monday, November 15, 2004
Some Helpful Tips
Microsoft has announced it is releasing Service Pack 6, which will plug the holes in Service Pack 5, which took care of the holes in Service Pack 4, which was supposed to cure the problems with Service Pack 3, which improved on Service Pack 2. As a public service, here is a sneak peak at some of the features of SP6.
Microsoft has announced it is releasing Service Pack 6, which will plug the holes in Service Pack 5, which took care of the holes in Service Pack 4, which was supposed to cure the problems with Service Pack 3, which improved on Service Pack 2. As a public service, here is a sneak peak at some of the features of SP6.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
That Was Special "Medicinal" Spinach in That Pipe of His
Popeye the Sailor Man turns 75 this year, and to mark the occasion the Museum of Television and Radio in New York today unveiled a new exhibit dedicated to the man who made spinach seem almost edible.
After leaving the service, Popeye married his longtime love, Olive Oil. Their wedded bliss was short-lived, however, as the bride soon started a illicit love affair with her husband's arch-nemesis, Bluto. It didn't take Popeye long to discover what had been going on behind his back, and in a drunken rage he killed Bluto.
He was convicted of manslaughter and served 23 years in a federal prison. Deprived of his precious spinach, Popeye proved to be a spineless wimp and quickly became a popular bitch to be passed around among the other inmates.
Upon his release, Popeye tried his hand at a number of menial occupations. His uneven temper and frequent bouts with depression made him incapable of holding down a job. Out of work, and unable to afford even the cheapest store brand cans of spinach, the former sailor turned instead to booze and drugs.
Popeye awoke one day in the late 90's and decided to take stock of his life. Faced with with mounting medical bills because of mouth cancer brought on by the constant smoking of that pipe, and tired of being Courtney Love's aging boy toy, Popeye decided to clean up his act. In a bold move, he quit both alcohol and heroin cold turkey. He went on to become an obnoxious self-righteous born again Christian who was constantly passing judgment on others. And yes, he voted for George Bush on Nov. 2.
When last heard from, the retired navy man was working as a greeter at a Wal-Mart outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Popeye the Sailor Man turns 75 this year, and to mark the occasion the Museum of Television and Radio in New York today unveiled a new exhibit dedicated to the man who made spinach seem almost edible.
After leaving the service, Popeye married his longtime love, Olive Oil. Their wedded bliss was short-lived, however, as the bride soon started a illicit love affair with her husband's arch-nemesis, Bluto. It didn't take Popeye long to discover what had been going on behind his back, and in a drunken rage he killed Bluto.
He was convicted of manslaughter and served 23 years in a federal prison. Deprived of his precious spinach, Popeye proved to be a spineless wimp and quickly became a popular bitch to be passed around among the other inmates.
Upon his release, Popeye tried his hand at a number of menial occupations. His uneven temper and frequent bouts with depression made him incapable of holding down a job. Out of work, and unable to afford even the cheapest store brand cans of spinach, the former sailor turned instead to booze and drugs.
Popeye awoke one day in the late 90's and decided to take stock of his life. Faced with with mounting medical bills because of mouth cancer brought on by the constant smoking of that pipe, and tired of being Courtney Love's aging boy toy, Popeye decided to clean up his act. In a bold move, he quit both alcohol and heroin cold turkey. He went on to become an obnoxious self-righteous born again Christian who was constantly passing judgment on others. And yes, he voted for George Bush on Nov. 2.
When last heard from, the retired navy man was working as a greeter at a Wal-Mart outside Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Is That a Vegetable in Your Pocket or Are You Just a Sex Ed Teacher?
Parents in Montgomery County, Maryland, are in an uproar over a new sex education course being offered to high school students. Among its more controversial elements is the way the class deals with the discussion of homosexuality. Also, it features a video in which a girl is shown fitting a condom onto a cucumber.
This really is outrageous!! Kids should be allowed to learn about sex the same way I did: From the sticky pages of tawdry magazines found under my dad's mattress!
Don't They Usually Travel in Pairs?
Believe it or not, Janet Jackson's exposed breast continues to jiggle across the American landscape. It's latest victim is tonight's showing of Saving Private Ryan.
For the last several years, ABC has shown the Steven Spielberg's movie every Veterans Day. And under the terms of the agreement between the director and the TV network, the film is to be shown in its entirety, completely unedited and uncensored. In the past, this has not been a problem.
This year, in the wake of heavy fines imposed on local broadcasters that unwittingly aired Jackson's Super Bowl stunt, a number of TV stations have decided to pass on it. The reason? The movie is graphically violent and peppered with raw language. Consequently, the local station owners are afraid of getting hit with more fines.
Oh, puh-LEEZW!!!
American mothers and fathers don't care if with their little ones see a movie with graphic scenes of mass death, severed limbs, heads exploding into a cloud of red mist, and blood squirting every which way. Nor are they likely concerned with the occasional 'f*ck' or 'sh*t.' So no, violence is not a problem for parents.
However, heaven forbid that their precious little Percy should ever see a cucumber wearing a rubber.
---------------Gary Varvel, Indianapolis Star
Parents in Montgomery County, Maryland, are in an uproar over a new sex education course being offered to high school students. Among its more controversial elements is the way the class deals with the discussion of homosexuality. Also, it features a video in which a girl is shown fitting a condom onto a cucumber.
This really is outrageous!! Kids should be allowed to learn about sex the same way I did: From the sticky pages of tawdry magazines found under my dad's mattress!
________________________________________________________
Don't They Usually Travel in Pairs?
Believe it or not, Janet Jackson's exposed breast continues to jiggle across the American landscape. It's latest victim is tonight's showing of Saving Private Ryan.
For the last several years, ABC has shown the Steven Spielberg's movie every Veterans Day. And under the terms of the agreement between the director and the TV network, the film is to be shown in its entirety, completely unedited and uncensored. In the past, this has not been a problem.
This year, in the wake of heavy fines imposed on local broadcasters that unwittingly aired Jackson's Super Bowl stunt, a number of TV stations have decided to pass on it. The reason? The movie is graphically violent and peppered with raw language. Consequently, the local station owners are afraid of getting hit with more fines.
Oh, puh-LEEZW!!!
American mothers and fathers don't care if with their little ones see a movie with graphic scenes of mass death, severed limbs, heads exploding into a cloud of red mist, and blood squirting every which way. Nor are they likely concerned with the occasional 'f*ck' or 'sh*t.' So no, violence is not a problem for parents.
However, heaven forbid that their precious little Percy should ever see a cucumber wearing a rubber.
________________________________________________________
---------------Gary Varvel, Indianapolis Star
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Britney With Child?
Rumors have surfaced that Britney Spears is pregnant. If true, and if it turns out to be a boy, that will mean that Spears will have TWO unemployed guys leeching off her.
---------------Wiley, Non Sequitur
Rumors have surfaced that Britney Spears is pregnant. If true, and if it turns out to be a boy, that will mean that Spears will have TWO unemployed guys leeching off her.
________________________________________________________
---------------Wiley, Non Sequitur
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Bang! Bang! Oops!
An F-16 assigned to the DC national Guard strafed a school in New Jersey one night last week. An estimated 25 rounds hit the building's roof and several actually damaged a classroom below. Embarrassed Guard officials insist the incident was an accident.
Hmmm.... The plane just happened to fly out of Andrews Air Force Base, which is the same one President Bush uses.... And New Jersey just happened to vote for John Kerry....
Accident my ass!
---------------Dana Summers, Orlando Sentinel
An F-16 assigned to the DC national Guard strafed a school in New Jersey one night last week. An estimated 25 rounds hit the building's roof and several actually damaged a classroom below. Embarrassed Guard officials insist the incident was an accident.
Hmmm.... The plane just happened to fly out of Andrews Air Force Base, which is the same one President Bush uses.... And New Jersey just happened to vote for John Kerry....
Accident my ass!
________________________________________________________
---------------Dana Summers, Orlando Sentinel
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Good Grief!
Granted, I'm upset that Bush won, but I'm not THIS upset!!
---------------Oliphant
Redskins Finally Win Again
Amazingly, the Redskins have managed to win another game, beating the Detroit Lions 17-10. This is osmething of a surprise since Detroit was having a decent season going into today (4-3), compared to Washington's 2-5 record.
The winning touchdown actually came off a pass not by quarterback Mark Brunell, but by running back Clinton Portis. While this may sound surprising, it's really not. Portis is one of the few bright spots on the team's offense. Brunell, on the other hand, seems to have better luck completing passes to opposing players than to his fellow Redskins. So obviously the key to the Washington's passing game is to have someone other than the QB throw the ball.
Granted, I'm upset that Bush won, but I'm not THIS upset!!
________________________________________________________
---------------Oliphant
________________________________________________________
Redskins Finally Win Again
Amazingly, the Redskins have managed to win another game, beating the Detroit Lions 17-10. This is osmething of a surprise since Detroit was having a decent season going into today (4-3), compared to Washington's 2-5 record.
The winning touchdown actually came off a pass not by quarterback Mark Brunell, but by running back Clinton Portis. While this may sound surprising, it's really not. Portis is one of the few bright spots on the team's offense. Brunell, on the other hand, seems to have better luck completing passes to opposing players than to his fellow Redskins. So obviously the key to the Washington's passing game is to have someone other than the QB throw the ball.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
Just Remember Not to Drink the Remote
The only way I've been able to get through the last several days is through the calming power of heavy drinking. And every time I would begin to sober up, I'd start thinking about how 59 million of my fellow citizens decided that strong moral values are the most important quality of a President and thus voted for a man who has repeatedly lied to them. Then I would start another bottle of Jack Daniels, and the insanity of their twisted logic would no longer matter.
Tomorrow night, however, I'll have to remember to let the alcohol induced haze lift long enough to catch the season premier of one of my favorite shows, Arrested Development. One reviewer describes it as "Dynasty as it might be rewritten for the Three Stooges if there were a dozen of them." That seems like a fairly accurate summation of the show.
Of course, it will be preceded by The Simpsons' annual "Treehouse of Horror" Halloween episode.... Even though, in a strictly technical sense, Halloween was LAST Sunday.
And after this magical hour is over, I'll be free to return to my drunken stupor.
The only way I've been able to get through the last several days is through the calming power of heavy drinking. And every time I would begin to sober up, I'd start thinking about how 59 million of my fellow citizens decided that strong moral values are the most important quality of a President and thus voted for a man who has repeatedly lied to them. Then I would start another bottle of Jack Daniels, and the insanity of their twisted logic would no longer matter.
Tomorrow night, however, I'll have to remember to let the alcohol induced haze lift long enough to catch the season premier of one of my favorite shows, Arrested Development. One reviewer describes it as "Dynasty as it might be rewritten for the Three Stooges if there were a dozen of them." That seems like a fairly accurate summation of the show.
Of course, it will be preceded by The Simpsons' annual "Treehouse of Horror" Halloween episode.... Even though, in a strictly technical sense, Halloween was LAST Sunday.
And after this magical hour is over, I'll be free to return to my drunken stupor.
________________________________________________________
Thursday, November 04, 2004
________________________________________________________
The Aftermath
Well, I think it's good that we've regained the world's respect.... And yes, that is the actual front page image of today's London Daily Mirror.This election saw a tremendous effort by Democrats to get the youth vote out. Traditionally, that group has always been slow to participate in the political process for whatever reason. But many people felt that given the strong antiwar sentiment among America's young people, THIS would be the year they go to the polls and make themselves heard. A number of well known stars worked their tails off to that end. A group of musicians, including Springsteen, the Dixie Chicks, and John Mellencamp even went on tour to promote the importance of voting. A tremendous surge of anti-Bush voting was expected from this group, and pollsters even conceded that they had no way to measure the potential impact of this group.
So how did that whole youth vote thing work out, anyway?
Well, in 2000 the 18-29 year old demographic made up only 17% of voters. This year thanks to their overwhelming participation and interest in the future of our great nation, that percentage soared to a whopping, um, 17%.
In another year or two when the draft is reinstated, they had better not start whining about it.
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
In Retrospect
While my Nov. 1 prediction for the electoral college totals was way off, the forecast for the popular vote breakdown was remarkably close. My call was for a 52% to 46% split with a total of 122 million votes cast. That total is expected to approach 120 million once all the absentee and provisional ballots are counted, and the current breakdown of the popular vote is actually 51% to 48%! Not bad, eh?
Granted, I did kinda have the candidates backwards, but that's a relatively minor detail.
---------------Michael ramirez, LA Times
It's 5:00 A.M. Do You Know Who Your President Is?
Hmmm.... I sure hope none of you were dumb enough to put money on the election based on MY prediction....
While my Nov. 1 prediction for the electoral college totals was way off, the forecast for the popular vote breakdown was remarkably close. My call was for a 52% to 46% split with a total of 122 million votes cast. That total is expected to approach 120 million once all the absentee and provisional ballots are counted, and the current breakdown of the popular vote is actually 51% to 48%! Not bad, eh?
Granted, I did kinda have the candidates backwards, but that's a relatively minor detail.
________________________________________________________
---------------Michael ramirez, LA Times
________________________________________________________
It's 5:00 A.M. Do You Know Who Your President Is?
Hmmm.... I sure hope none of you were dumb enough to put money on the election based on MY prediction....
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Election Update
The big news of today is the huge voter turnout throughout the country, and I can vouch for that firsthand.
I got in line to vote at about 10:45 during what everyone had said was expected to be the slow part of the day. At that point the line was around the corner and down the block--and that was only the A-L line. There was a second line for the M-Z people on the other side of the building. I actually considered leaving and coming back later, but I decided it would only get worse later in the day.
So I stuck it out, and it ended up being about a 50 minute wait. When we finally got inside, we could see what the problem was: They only had two voter printouts, and there was a single poll worker handling each one. Consequently this was creating a huge backup in the line. Meanwhile, they had close to a dozen voting machines basically sitting idle. It was actually taking longer to process each voter than it was to vote once you were at the machine! They should have broken the list of names down further, perhaps into five or six portions of the alphabet.
On the other hand, this is how they handled it four years ago. But back then, the two lists were perfectly adequate and there was no line.
I should also add that while I live in a heavily Republican area (63% for Bush in 2000), there appeared to be a surprising number of Kerry supporters among the people in line around me.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Predictions and Predilections
Tomorrow is election day in the good ol' U.S. of A., and by now all the pundits with their fancy-schmancy degrees have weighed in. And their consensus as to the winner? It's too close to call!
Give me a freakin' break! You'd think these people with their "statistical dead heats" would have enough cajones to go out on a limb like I'll be doing in a moment!
But first: One of my favorite sites, electoral-vote.com (the site's color coded map appears to unavailable at the moment) has Kerry winning 298 electoral votes compared to Bush's 231, with 9 still too close to call. Incidentally, that site's previously anonymous owner has just been outed--and it turns out he lives in Amsterdam!
Although the various daily tracking polls have been all over the board during the past two months, there has been one consistent problem that has plagued all of them: They're not allowed to call cellphone numbers. And with an increasing portion of the population doing away their traditional landlines, that's a significant number. And since most of these people are young adults, a sizable majority of this unmeasured quantity can be expected go for Kerry.
That's why when all is said and done, this election will turn out to NOT have been as close as most people are currently expecting.
As for my predilections, well, my lawyer is advising me to save those till after the trial.
Tomorrow is election day in the good ol' U.S. of A., and by now all the pundits with their fancy-schmancy degrees have weighed in. And their consensus as to the winner? It's too close to call!
Give me a freakin' break! You'd think these people with their "statistical dead heats" would have enough cajones to go out on a limb like I'll be doing in a moment!
But first: One of my favorite sites, electoral-vote.com (the site's color coded map appears to unavailable at the moment) has Kerry winning 298 electoral votes compared to Bush's 231, with 9 still too close to call. Incidentally, that site's previously anonymous owner has just been outed--and it turns out he lives in Amsterdam!
Although the various daily tracking polls have been all over the board during the past two months, there has been one consistent problem that has plagued all of them: They're not allowed to call cellphone numbers. And with an increasing portion of the population doing away their traditional landlines, that's a significant number. And since most of these people are young adults, a sizable majority of this unmeasured quantity can be expected go for Kerry.
That's why when all is said and done, this election will turn out to NOT have been as close as most people are currently expecting.
My predictions:
Total turnout: 122 million (compared with 106 million in 2000)
Popular votes:
52% for John Kerry
46% for George "I Coulda Sworn They Had WMD's" Bush
2% for Ralph Nader and the assorted other wacko gadflies
Electoral College (270 to win):
340 for John Kerry
(Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Florida will all go for Kerry.)
198 for George "Everything Is Going Great In Iraq
Provided You Ignore The Growing Pile Of Dead Bodies" Bush
Total turnout: 122 million (compared with 106 million in 2000)
Popular votes:
52% for John Kerry
46% for George "I Coulda Sworn They Had WMD's" Bush
2% for Ralph Nader and the assorted other wacko gadflies
Electoral College (270 to win):
340 for John Kerry
(Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Florida will all go for Kerry.)
198 for George "Everything Is Going Great In Iraq
Provided You Ignore The Growing Pile Of Dead Bodies" Bush
As for my predilections, well, my lawyer is advising me to save those till after the trial.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
The Election Is Over
Once again, the Washington Redskins have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory as they lose to the Green Bay Packers 28-14. It is absolutely amazing how the team with the best defense in the NFL can also have one of the worst offenses. That ain't easy, but the 'Skins make it work week after week.
Though I'm a Redskins fan, I'm glad they lost today. It means that this coming Tuesday, George W. Bush will NOT be reelected.
What the hell are you babbling about this time, Lugosi? Have you lost your mind? Are you off your medication again? Didn't the court say that if you stopped taking those pills you were going back to The Institute?
Yes, they did. But don't worry; I'm still on my meds. But the simple, indisputable fact is that ever since 1936, the Redskins have decided the outcome of presidential elections. When the team loses its last home game before election day, the incumbent party loses the White House. On the other hand, if they win the last home game prior to the election, the incumbent party wins as well.
Yes, it sounds crazy. But this rule has held true for the last 17 presidential elections, back to even when the Redskins played in--GASP!!!--BOSTON!!!! Even in 2000, though Bush lost the popular vote, the Redskins had beaten the Tennessee Titans 27-10 on Oct. 30 and thus foretold Al Gore's eventual loss of the various court challenges.
Add to this the fact the Red Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino and won the World Series under a lunar eclipse, and I would say that the cosmic forces of the universe are perfectly aligned for a stunning, come-from-behind victory by Ralph Nader on Nov. 2.
---------------Nick Anderson, Louisville Courier-Journal
Once again, the Washington Redskins have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory as they lose to the Green Bay Packers 28-14. It is absolutely amazing how the team with the best defense in the NFL can also have one of the worst offenses. That ain't easy, but the 'Skins make it work week after week.
Though I'm a Redskins fan, I'm glad they lost today. It means that this coming Tuesday, George W. Bush will NOT be reelected.
What the hell are you babbling about this time, Lugosi? Have you lost your mind? Are you off your medication again? Didn't the court say that if you stopped taking those pills you were going back to The Institute?
Yes, they did. But don't worry; I'm still on my meds. But the simple, indisputable fact is that ever since 1936, the Redskins have decided the outcome of presidential elections. When the team loses its last home game before election day, the incumbent party loses the White House. On the other hand, if they win the last home game prior to the election, the incumbent party wins as well.
Yes, it sounds crazy. But this rule has held true for the last 17 presidential elections, back to even when the Redskins played in--GASP!!!--BOSTON!!!! Even in 2000, though Bush lost the popular vote, the Redskins had beaten the Tennessee Titans 27-10 on Oct. 30 and thus foretold Al Gore's eventual loss of the various court challenges.
Add to this the fact the Red Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino and won the World Series under a lunar eclipse, and I would say that the cosmic forces of the universe are perfectly aligned for a stunning, come-from-behind victory by Ralph Nader on Nov. 2.
________________________________________________________
---------------Nick Anderson, Louisville Courier-Journal
Saturday, October 30, 2004
Friday, October 29, 2004
Hey, Baby. Let Me Lather You Up in the Shower
Fox News' Bill O'Reilly has settled a sexual harassment suit out of court for an undisclosed sum. The charges had been brought by one of his producers, Andrea Mackris, and claimed that O'Reilly had made a number of late night phone calls that were highly suggestive and sexually explicit.
So? There's nothing wrong with that. I make phone calls like that all the time. But unlike that moron O'Reilly, I have enough common sense not to give the woman on the other end my name!! It's people like him who give us perverts a bad name!!
Anyway, the settlement will likely remain sealed, as these type things usually do. For his part, O'Reilly insists this was NOT an admission of guilt. He was just trying to "protect his family."
Yeah, right.
Actually, O'Reilly went about this all wrong. He should have just claimed that it wasn't actually his voice making the calls. He was just lip synching.
So? There's nothing wrong with that. I make phone calls like that all the time. But unlike that moron O'Reilly, I have enough common sense not to give the woman on the other end my name!! It's people like him who give us perverts a bad name!!
Anyway, the settlement will likely remain sealed, as these type things usually do. For his part, O'Reilly insists this was NOT an admission of guilt. He was just trying to "protect his family."
Yeah, right.
Actually, O'Reilly went about this all wrong. He should have just claimed that it wasn't actually his voice making the calls. He was just lip synching.
Well, It Is the New TV Season
Back in August I made a rather bold prediction: That Osama bin Laden would be found on Friday, Oct. 29--Four days before the presidential election. The idea was that Bush already had the terror leader in custody and was merely waiting to just before the election to unveil him, thereby assuring Mr. Bush of a second term.
So I'm driving along this afternoon listening to the local all-news station when you-know-who's name suddenly popped up. My heart actually skipped a beat before I realized they weren't actually about to announce bin Laden's capture. However, Osama did make an exciting new video that was aired on Al Jazeera at 5 PM DC time. This was big news since it was his first such communication in over a year. It's also the first time he has publicly confessed to the 9/11 hijackings.
No, it's not quite the news his actual capture would have been, but I think I'm entitled to partial credit for it.
Oh, and I'm off the hook on the brick thing.
So I'm driving along this afternoon listening to the local all-news station when you-know-who's name suddenly popped up. My heart actually skipped a beat before I realized they weren't actually about to announce bin Laden's capture. However, Osama did make an exciting new video that was aired on Al Jazeera at 5 PM DC time. This was big news since it was his first such communication in over a year. It's also the first time he has publicly confessed to the 9/11 hijackings.
No, it's not quite the news his actual capture would have been, but I think I'm entitled to partial credit for it.
Oh, and I'm off the hook on the brick thing.
E.T. Email Home
About a month ago I downloaded the Seti@Home program, and I finally completed my first data unit last night. And it only took 393 hours, 19 minutes, and 50.6 seconds! Of course, that's to be expected with a Commodore 64.
I'm still waiting to hear back from the people running the program, however, about my idea: I emailed them a suggestion that whoever's computer first finds evidence of an alien civilization should be allowed to name the new species. That's only fair, right? Plus, it can act as an incentive to get even more people to sign up for the program.
Of course, with my luck the Lugosians will turn out to be a benevolent race whose favorite book is something called "To Serve Man."
I'm still waiting to hear back from the people running the program, however, about my idea: I emailed them a suggestion that whoever's computer first finds evidence of an alien civilization should be allowed to name the new species. That's only fair, right? Plus, it can act as an incentive to get even more people to sign up for the program.
Of course, with my luck the Lugosians will turn out to be a benevolent race whose favorite book is something called "To Serve Man."
Thursday, October 28, 2004
The 70s Return
After a 25 year absence from the top of the charts, Rod Stewart once again has the top selling album in the U.S.
Guess it's finally okay for me to wear that lime green polyester leisure suit again!
Red Sox Nation
Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox, who have successfully ended the so-called "Curse of the Bambino." The hex, which supposedly began when the Sox sold Babe Ruth's contract to the Yankees, has haunted the team and its fans for 86 long years.
And they did so with an unprecedented run of eight consecutive post season victories. Oh, and the equally unprecedented cosmic alignment of the heavens no doubt helped as well, for last night also saw the first ever World Series game played during a lunar eclipse.
Was it luck, solid team work, or sorcery? Who knows, but I'm sure the recent spate of goat sacrifices in the Boston area was just a coincidence.
After a 25 year absence from the top of the charts, Rod Stewart once again has the top selling album in the U.S.
Guess it's finally okay for me to wear that lime green polyester leisure suit again!
________________________________________________________
Red Sox Nation
Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox, who have successfully ended the so-called "Curse of the Bambino." The hex, which supposedly began when the Sox sold Babe Ruth's contract to the Yankees, has haunted the team and its fans for 86 long years.
And they did so with an unprecedented run of eight consecutive post season victories. Oh, and the equally unprecedented cosmic alignment of the heavens no doubt helped as well, for last night also saw the first ever World Series game played during a lunar eclipse.
Was it luck, solid team work, or sorcery? Who knows, but I'm sure the recent spate of goat sacrifices in the Boston area was just a coincidence.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
---------------Oliphant
________________________________________________________
Maybe She Needs One of Those Purple Pills
Poor Ashlee Simpson. As most of the world now knows, she made a most memorable appearance on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. When she came out on stage for her second song, her band started to play and her lips began moving as scheduled (Video). Unfortunately, an entire different set of lyrics were mysteriously coming out of her mouth. In other words, she was lip synching, and got caught with her pants down when someone played the wrong tape (Song parody).
On the other hand, if her pants had actually been down, no one would have cared about the lip synching.
At first Simpson blamed an NBC tech for playing the wrong "guide vocal" tape, whatever that is. Then she said it was her drummer who screwed it up. And then came my personal favorite: Yesterday she said she had lost her voice because her acid reflux disease was acting up, and that's the only reason they were going to fake her performance.
At this rate, she'll soon have as many excuses for her faux pas as George W. Bush has for invading Iraq.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Rude But Helpful
The next time you get into a heated email/IM argument with someone and tell them to go to hell, you can provide them with a helpful link.
P.S.
Thanks to Espresso Sarcasm for the tip.
---------------Cameron CardowOttawa Citizen
The next time you get into a heated email/IM argument with someone and tell them to go to hell, you can provide them with a helpful link.
P.S.
Thanks to Espresso Sarcasm for the tip.
________________________________________________________
---------------Cameron CardowOttawa Citizen
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Are the End Times Upon Us?
The last time the Boston Red Sox were in the World Series was 1918. Two years later, the team's owner sold Babe Ruth's contract to the New York Yankees, and thus was born the Curse of the Bambino. The Babe, of course, went on to become the sport's greatest player after moving to New York. The Sox, on the other hand, have been unable to win another title despite making four more appearances in the Series. And unlike the hapless Chicago Cubs, Boston is not a bad team. They've made quite a few serious runs for the American League pennant, including last year.
Most people seem to be glad to see the Boston Red Sox in the World Series. They say they'd like to see "The Curse" end--assuming, of course, that there is such a thing.
However, researchers here at the Lugosi Institute have made a startling discovery which may soon change public opinion about the Sox. Remember Nostradamus, the prophet who lived back in the 1950's...? Or maybe it was the 1500's....
At any rate, my researchers have uncovered a previously unknown quatrain of his predictions which seems to foreshadow the current situation:
Now it's true that like much of Nostradamus' writings, the meaning of the preceding passage is open to interpretation. Nonetheless, it certainly does seem to at least imply that the planet will be torn asunder if the Red Sox win.
Call me overly cautious, but I'm rooting for St. Louis.
---------------Oliphant
The last time the Boston Red Sox were in the World Series was 1918. Two years later, the team's owner sold Babe Ruth's contract to the New York Yankees, and thus was born the Curse of the Bambino. The Babe, of course, went on to become the sport's greatest player after moving to New York. The Sox, on the other hand, have been unable to win another title despite making four more appearances in the Series. And unlike the hapless Chicago Cubs, Boston is not a bad team. They've made quite a few serious runs for the American League pennant, including last year.
Most people seem to be glad to see the Boston Red Sox in the World Series. They say they'd like to see "The Curse" end--assuming, of course, that there is such a thing.
However, researchers here at the Lugosi Institute have made a startling discovery which may soon change public opinion about the Sox. Remember Nostradamus, the prophet who lived back in the 1950's...? Or maybe it was the 1500's....
At any rate, my researchers have uncovered a previously unknown quatrain of his predictions which seems to foreshadow the current situation:
If the Sox Red should win the series of the world,
In our Lord the Savior's millennium the third,
Thus shall the Earth be finally curled,
Whilst the President of the land is dumber than a turd.
In our Lord the Savior's millennium the third,
Thus shall the Earth be finally curled,
Whilst the President of the land is dumber than a turd.
Now it's true that like much of Nostradamus' writings, the meaning of the preceding passage is open to interpretation. Nonetheless, it certainly does seem to at least imply that the planet will be torn asunder if the Red Sox win.
Call me overly cautious, but I'm rooting for St. Louis.
________________________________________________________
---------------Oliphant
Friday, October 22, 2004
Shove It Up Your Blowhole
A Federal judge has ruled that whales have no legal standing and are thus unable to sue the government.
No immediate comment from Rosie O'Donnell.
---------------Wiley, Non Sequitur
A Federal judge has ruled that whales have no legal standing and are thus unable to sue the government.
No immediate comment from Rosie O'Donnell.
________________________________________________________
---------------Wiley, Non Sequitur
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Hot, Steamin' Links
This is the time of year all the radio stations start playing Bobby "Boris" Pickett's "Monster Mash." In case you're tired of hearing it yet again, here's an updated, more timely version of it.
With only a week and half to go before the presidential election, an increasing number of experts are warning that the closeness of this year's balloting and subsequent legal challenges may make 2000 seem like a cakewalk. This is especially true since more states are relying on electronic ballots that may confuse some people.
If you happen to live in Florida, here's a helpful video of the Sunshine State's new system.
---------------Chip Bok, Akron Beacon Journal
This is the time of year all the radio stations start playing Bobby "Boris" Pickett's "Monster Mash." In case you're tired of hearing it yet again, here's an updated, more timely version of it.
With only a week and half to go before the presidential election, an increasing number of experts are warning that the closeness of this year's balloting and subsequent legal challenges may make 2000 seem like a cakewalk. This is especially true since more states are relying on electronic ballots that may confuse some people.
If you happen to live in Florida, here's a helpful video of the Sunshine State's new system.
________________________________________________________
---------------Chip Bok, Akron Beacon Journal
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
A Correction of Sorts
Evidently I'm getting old....
My post yesterday about Mary Cheney was actually prompted by a remark Alan Keyes recently made, and I had intended to make a reference to it. So what did I do? I completely left it out! So I've gone back and revised the entry to reflect Keyes' comment.
Now where did I leave the keyboard....?
Evidently I'm getting old....
My post yesterday about Mary Cheney was actually prompted by a remark Alan Keyes recently made, and I had intended to make a reference to it. So what did I do? I completely left it out! So I've gone back and revised the entry to reflect Keyes' comment.
Now where did I leave the keyboard....?
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
---------------Walt Handelsman, Newsday
________________________________________________________
Dick Cheney: "Tawdry" and a "Bad Man"
I realize politics is a dirty business, and very often all sides are guilty of distortions or outright lies. And yes, that would include the Democrats. But the smear job the Bush/Cheney people have done on John Kerry over the last few months goes far beyond anything anyone has done in the past.
Last week Dick and Lynne Cheney worked themselves into a lather huffing and puffing over John Kerry's reference to their daughter Mary, who is a lesbian. Kerry's statement was in no way derogatory. Indeed, if anything, it was a compliment to the Cheneys' strong family ties. Yet the Vice President and his wife called the reference "tawdry," and said that Kerry was a "bad man." Their main objection seemed to be that Kerry had no right to drag Mary's name into the political arena.
Huh?
On August 24th, during a town hall meeting in Davenport, Iowa, Dick Cheney himself said "Lynne and I have a gay daughter, so it's an issue our family is very familiar with" in response to a question about Bush's proposed constitutional amendment banning same sex marriages.
So why didn't Mrs. Cheney bop her husband over the head with her microphone and scream about how he's "tawdry" and a "bad man?"
But enough about Kerry's little remark. Did you hear what Alan Keyes, the Republican candidate for Senate in Ohio, said last month? In an interview on Sirius satellite radio, he called Dick Cheney's daughter a "selfish hedonist." So why didn't the Cheneys raise hell about that!?!
If this whole little "controversy" doesn't reek of a double standard, I don't know what does.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Who's Next?
A consensus seems to be building in Canada to halt the sale of prescription medicines to the United States. The feeling is that increased sales across the border may eventually lead to shortages in Canada itself.
Well, they had better not try that crap while Bush is still President, or the United States will invade Quebec and plunder their prescription drugs. And anyone who doubts we can pull that off needs to only look at our ongoing success in stealing Iraq's oil.
A consensus seems to be building in Canada to halt the sale of prescription medicines to the United States. The feeling is that increased sales across the border may eventually lead to shortages in Canada itself.
Well, they had better not try that crap while Bush is still President, or the United States will invade Quebec and plunder their prescription drugs. And anyone who doubts we can pull that off needs to only look at our ongoing success in stealing Iraq's oil.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Why Couldn't They Have Lost Just One More Time?
Well, the stupid Redskins finally won a game. They beat "da Bears" 13-10, thus ending a four game losing streak. Normally I would be happy about this. Unfortunately, this is not one of those times, for I was actually hoping they would lose again.
The problem is that I had a great joke lined up had they dropped another game. I was going to write that "The Redskins are falling apart faster than Iraq." But the inconsiderate SOB's had to pick this week to start turning things around, thereby ruining the line.
Some people can be so rude!
Well, the stupid Redskins finally won a game. They beat "da Bears" 13-10, thus ending a four game losing streak. Normally I would be happy about this. Unfortunately, this is not one of those times, for I was actually hoping they would lose again.
The problem is that I had a great joke lined up had they dropped another game. I was going to write that "The Redskins are falling apart faster than Iraq." But the inconsiderate SOB's had to pick this week to start turning things around, thereby ruining the line.
Some people can be so rude!
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