Wednesday, June 01, 1994

Hunters armed with shotguns and barometers descend on southern Florida as the 1994 hurricane season officially opens.
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June 3
President Clinton travels to Europe. In an emotional speech to veterans of the Anzio campaign which liberated Rome, Clinton declares that had he been around during WWII, he would have been proud to study at Oxford in order to avoid the draft.
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June 4
Virginia Republicans meet in Richmond and select Ollie North to run for the US Senate. Allegations soon surface that North was trading arms for delegates at the convention.
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June 6
Ceremonies along the Normandy coast commemorate the 50th anniversary of D-Day. The event is marked by an influx of foreign dignitaries, skydiving veterans, warships off the beaches, Air Force flyovers, and military reenactments. The massive show of force leads to the immediate and unconditional surrender of France.
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June 7

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June 8
One of Bob Barker's models from The Price Is Right accuses the gameshow host of inappropriately exposing what's behind the barn door.
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June 9
Pierce Brosnan is elected the new 007. Despite spending millions of his own money, Ross Perot finishes third.
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June 10
Acting on a tip as to his ex-wife's Roseanne's whereabouts, a lovesick Tom Arnold travels to a small island off the coast of Italy in an attempt to reconcile with her. He sneaks into her bungalow and spends the night making wild, passionate love.
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June 11
Tom Arnold awakens to find, in bed next to him, Evelyn Geffers' tumor.
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June 12
O.J. Simpson auditions to replace Lorena Bobbitt as the spokesperson for Ginsu knives.
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June 14
Henry Mancini begins decomposing.
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June 17
Hearing that the '95 Fords are out early this year, O.J. Simpson decides to test drive the new Bronco. Though limited by a top speed of only 35 mph, Simpson still manages to outrun 10 helicopters and half the LA County Police Department.
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June 18
A flesh eating bacteria terrorizes beaches up and down the east coast.
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June 19

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June 20
The National Geograpic society releases a topographical map of Secretary of State Warren Christopher's face.
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June 21
The United Auto Workers launch a nationwide strike against Caterpillar Inc. Unless resolved quickly, it is expected to lead to a severe shortage of cocoons.
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June 22
Eight months of NBA playoffs finally conclude as the Houston Rockets defeat the NY Knicks to capture the championship.

Regular season play for the following season begins next week.
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June 23
John Wayne Bobbitt's car is cut off in traffic. Surgeons struggle for nine hours to reattach his Honda.
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June 25
John Wayne Bobbitt's car is cut off in traffic. Surgeons struggle for nine hours to reattach his Honda.
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June 26

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June 27
Fishermaen in Amity, Mass., capture a ten foot great white flesh eating bacteria. While relieved beachgoers flock back into the water, Richard Dreyfuss warns Roy Scheider that they caught the wrong germ.
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June 28
Rumors begin to surface that Michael Jackson wed Roseanne in a secret ceremony last month.
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June 30
In an interview on British TV, Prince Charles confesses that he had an affair with Evelyn Geffers' tumor.

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