Here Kitty, Kitty

I'm convinced that the Romans didn't feed early Christians to the lions just to persecute them. The REAL reason was that the Romans were sick and tired of Christians' constant self-righteous holier-than-thou preaching.

Better Cancel Next Week's Picnic

Do the Right Thing

I had a really bizarre dream last night. It was about 2000 years ago and had just come out of a Starbucks in Judea when I noticed a screaming mob down the street. So I went to see what was what.

It was Jesus and His disciples, and they were stoning some woman who was cowering in the middle of the street. So I turned to Jesus and said, "My lord, what hath this poor wretch done to deserve this? Is she a prostitute?"

"No," said our savior. "Much worse."

"Is she a thief?" I asked.

"No," said the son of God. "Much, much worse."

"Was she caught using birth control?"

"No," said the lord. "Even worse. She's an illegal alien who has come here looking for a better life her family."

Horrified, I picked up the biggest rock I could find and bashed her skull in.

So Jesus patted me on the back and bought me a beer.