After All, The Catholic Church Is Never Wrong

Researchers in Poland say that they have positively identified the remains of Copernicus. DNA from the bones, which date back to the 16th century, match DNA in a hair found in one of Copernicus' books. Additionally, there is a mark on the skull that matches a scar the astronomer is known to have had.

In response, the Catholic church has begun proceedings to excommunicate Copernicus' remains on charges of heresy for daring to suggest that the sun does not revolve around the Earth.