The United States Department of Annoying Advisories on What We Can Eat has just come out with a NEW food pyramid, replacing the one we had been told was the absolute unalterable truth and would cause us to die of malnutrition if we didn't follow its every detail. Predictably, it emphasizes things like whole grains, vegetables, and low fat crap. Oh, and exercise is now part of the food pyramid. How we're supposed to eat exercise I don't know, but we will no doubt need to dump a whole sh*tload of salt on it just to make it palatable.
Probably wouldn't hurt to deep fry it, either.
Coincidentally, the new nutritional guidelines were released the same day as news of a new study which found that obesity may not be as deadly as previously thought! This is wonderful!!
Screw that new pyramid with the grains, fruits, lowfat meats, and exercise. I'm designing a new one just for me. And my major food groups will consist of Whoppers, Big Macs, Milkshakes, french fries, and potato chips, with a heavy emphasis on the use of a comfortable recliner whenever possible.
Friday, April 22, 2005
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