A Convincing Case Against Gay Marriage

I used to be in favor of same sex marriages. It's only right that all people, regardless of their sexual orientation, should be able to share a lifetime of pure unadulterated hell with someone they love. But after watching this educational film, I'm no longer so sure.

Incest Must Be Best. It's in the Bible.

I admit to being confused by the whole Noah's ark story.

First off, if you're going to believe in the idea of a massive flood, then it's probably safe to assume that you're also going to believe in creationism as opposed to evolution.

So.... If you believe that God created elephants, tigers, dogs, cats, gerbils, Mexicans,and all the other world's lifeforms out of scratch, and if you believe that they have existed in their present form since the Earth's creation 6,000 years ago, then why was it necessary for Noah to gather pairs of all those animals? Why not just flood the Earth, kill everything, and make brand new animals when everything dries out again? Seems like it would have spared Noah a whole lot of work.

Or did God lose the blueprints? That would certainly have been understandable. After all, it's a very big universe. It would certainly be understandable if, while working on quasars, He set his paperwork down on a workbench 14.5 billion light years from Earth and forgot about it.

For that matter, why not just completely wipe out the Earth and start over from scratch? After all, if he did once before in only six days, he could certainly do it again. Heck, having done it once already, he might have been able to shave a couple days off the process the second time around.

Besides, I find the whole idea of keeping just one family alive and then using them to repopulate the Earth to be somewhat repulsive. Isn't that incest? And isn't that illegal in most parts of the Earth, except for the deep south and the British royal family?

But I guess it makes more sense than evolution.

Throwing Grandma Under the Bus

Are Republicans going too far in their hysteria over the budget deficit? Here's one argument that the national debt isn't that bad.

But more importantly, isn't there a better way to balance the budget than on the backs of the less fortunate in our society?

D'OH!

Harold Camping and his followers may be a bunch of idiotic religious nutjobs, but they certainly provided the rest of us with a great deal of fun entertainment.

And while it's true that there were people out there who gave away their life savings or quit their jobs to spread Camping's prediction, there is no need to feel sympathy for them. They freely chose to believe the asinine teachings of a wack job. Unlike the case of, say, Bernie Madhoff, Camping in no way deceived anyone. He wasn't running a ponzi scheme or an identity theft scam that lured victims in under false pretenses.

While his prophecy may have been wrong and crazy, at least he was honest and up front about it. And if people chose to upend their lives to support him, well, they did so with their eyes open with no false pretenses involved. It is, however, unfortunate that they have some sort of psychological void in their lives that they choose to fill with a ridiculous belief system.

This whole affair only further proves what many rational thinking people have said before: Organized religion is a scam.

Final Questions As We Prepare to Meet Our Maker

Well, here we are in the final hours of existence. Yes, May 21 has arrived in much of the world. And according to Harold Camping, the greatest religious leader of our era, (hell, the FINAL era), the 21st is the day the world will end. Admittedly, the exact hour is a little fuzzy. There does seem to be a consensus that 6 PM is when the real shitstorm will hit, but 6 PM where? Even this guy, who put up his entire life savings to get the word out, doesn't seem to know. He just says 6 PM.

The problem is that there are 24 time zones around the world. Will each time zone get its own massive earth-shattering quake as it turns 6 PM? If so, it's going to be really confusing in Indiana, in which individual counties are allowed to pick whether they're in the eastern time zone or the central time zone. No doubt God will have his hands full trying to confine those massive 12.0 on the Richter scale quakes within county lines.

At any rate, we'll know soon enough. 6 PM will hit the international dateline in another few hours. That will be 6 AM Greenwhich Mean Time and 2 AM in the eastern United States.

And what happens when you get Raptured, anyway? Does your spiritual soul simply float away, leaving its former physical body behind to just plop down onto the ground? If so, medical examiners everywhere (at least the ones who didn't themselves get called to heaven) will have their hands doing autopsies. They'll obviously have to prioritize. And the unscrupulous among us may take advantage of this by killing someone in such a way that leaves no obvious physical marks. Then we can just say, oh, my husband must have been Raptured. No need for an investigation. When do I get the life insurance money?

Or will the bodies of the saved simply float away in defiance of all known physical laws concerning gravity? Won't one's eyeballs explode as your physical body approaches the vacuum of outer space? And how do you behold the glory of God if your eyes have been reduced to so much gelatinous goo?

Then again, perhaps our bodies simply vanish. If that's the case, will there be a little clap of thunder as air rushes into fill the sound void left behind? And if the sinners among us see someone in the distance suddenly disappear, will we be able to count to five, listen for the thunder, and judge how far way they were?

Finally, what about those who are already dead and buried. Will they arise to walk among us? Frankly, that's what creeps me out the most. After all, people coming back from the dead is ingredient numero uno in a zombie apocalypse. I can only pray they get the hell out of here quickly and continue their journey heavenwards.

Still, maybe I should use my remaining hours as a mortal man to watch 'Zombieland' to refresh my skills in surviving in a world filled with the walking dead.

That's One Pissed Off Kitty

Suddenly, your cat scratching the sofa doesn't seem so bad, does it?

Cats In Tanks - Watch more Funny Videos

If a Republican Congressman Had LedThe Assault Against Osama's Hideout

Amen and Hallelujah!!!

I'm not a particularly religious person, but this really moved me.

Justice

Personally I would have liked to have seen bin Laden's body tied to a NYC fire truck and dragged through the streets of Manhattan.

I Bet Harry Potter Could Have Stopped the Tornadoes

There are people in Alabama actually thanking God to be alive. To them I say: Are you f*cking nuts? Take a look around you! If this God of yours is as powerful as you claim, why did he allow such destruction and carnage to occur?

Where Ester Eggs Come From

Google Exodus

Last Christmas The Digital Story of the Nativity was making the rounds. Now here's the the sequel.

If Fox News Had Existed Throughout History

Feeding Time

I'm not usually a big fan of movie sequels, but this one definitely looks like a winner!

When Harry Met Sally 2 with Billy Crystal & Helen Mirren from Billy Crystal

Your Own Personal Jesus

Fare Thee Well

Witnessing the True Power of a Tsunami

The thing about a tsunami is that it isn't just a big wave that crashes onto the beach. Rather, it's a relentless, seemingly never-ending surge of water that just keeps coming and coming and coming. This particular video, perhaps more than any of the others that have been making the rounds on the internet, really drives that point home.

What's the Government Done for Me Lately? Well....

I'm not sure who wrote this, but I first saw it on Jeff Parker's Facebook page.

This morning I awoke to my alarm clock, powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy. I took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) determined the weather was going to be, using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA). I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food, and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA).

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of the quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and wave to the the kids being taken to the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to a house which is not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspections, and which not has been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local Police Department. Finally, I can log onto the internet, which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration, and post on FoxNews.com forums about how socialism in medicine is bad because the government can't do anything right.

Why I Miss Carl Sagan

Religion: Based onWorshiping a Grotesque Monster Out of Fear