Moo

Several weeks ago the existence of a second case of mad cow disease was confirmed. Federal investigators have now determined that the animal in question was born in Texas 12 years ago.

Texas, eh? George W. Bush is from Texas.... And he eats beef....

Well, that would certainly explain a lot!

Betrayed

I watched Bush's speech earlier this evening, and that's always a mistake. For some reason I always end up with a three foot pile of bullsh*t on the floor in front of the TV.

The one overriding theme in his address was that Iraq was somehow part of the war on terror. But how? Sure, three years ago we were told Saddam had weapons of mass destruction out the wazoo, had ties to Al Qaeda, and was an immediate threat to the United States. But as we've since learned, that intelligence was wrong at best and deliberately cooked at worst.

The President also kept emphasizing that we were battling religious fanatics in Iraq, and trying to keep them from doing there what they did in Afghanistan. This ignores the fact that while Hussein may have been a brutal dictator, Iraq under him was also a highly secular state. The country even had a thriving christian community living side-by-side with the majority muslims. There was nothing fundamentalist about his government, nor was there any danger of it becoming so while he remained in power.

But has Bush admitted to any mistakes? No, of course not. He simply added a new justification for the invasion of Iraq, and that is to spread freedom throughout the middle east. Sure, those are noble sounding words, but unfortunately that was never given as an initial reason for the war.

What's even worse is that tonight's speech again strongly implied that Iraq was somehow involved in the 9/11 attacks. That has repeatedly been demonstrated to not be the case. Bush, in fact, has on occasion come right and admitted as much himself. But then he turns around and delivers these carefully worded speeches that make it sound like Iraq was behind 9/11 without actually saying it and thus getting caught in a baldfaced lie.

Even Karl Rove is now engaging in this doubletalk. Last week in a speech to a New York group, Bush's deputy Chief of Staff said "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers." This speech was given in the context of justifying what was happening in Iraq, again implying that Saddam was behind 9/11.

And what's sad is that a sizble percentage of Americans continue to buy into that lie.

As I have said before, I consider myself a conservative republican. I continue to believe Ronald Reagan was a great President. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm going to blindly follow Bush off a cliff simply because he's also a republican.

The fact of the matter is that a man named Osama bin Laden is the man responsible for what happened at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and a field in the Pennsylvania countryside. It is bin Laden who killed 3000 people that otherwise beautiful September day. So where is he? Well, no one knows, do they? And instead of devoting this nation's full resources to tracking him down, Bush has our soldiers wasting their time and lives in Iraq, in some nonsensical quest to bring freedom to the middle east.

What's ironic is that Rove's words pretty well summarize how I felt on September 11, 2001. I was glad we had Bush in the White House. He pretty much had the same foreign policy team that his father had during the first Gulf war, and they had certainly proven themselves competent during that earlier conflict. I remember thinking that if Gore had won the election, he would have been content to lob a few cruise missiles in the direction of those responsible, and that would have been the end of it. But it was Bush who eventually won that election, and I--like millions of other Americans--had faith that he would do the right thing.

Perhaps that is why I am so disappointed in what has happened to this administration. I'm disappointed that a President with so much promise failed so miserably to deliver; I'm disappointed that bin Laden has not been killed, tied to the back of a New York city fire truck, and his body dragged through the streets of Manhattan; dispppointed that instead of making a genuine difference in Afghanistan, we opted to split our resources and therefore help no one; and I'm disappointed that all the good will the world showed us in the fall of 2001 has been squandered.

But most of all I'm disappointed that George W. Bush chose to betray the trust that this country placed in him on that terrible day four years ago.

Hand Me The Jack While You're In There

I think we've all heard about the tragic case in New Jersey in which three missing children were found suffocated in the trunk of a car. The three day search for the kids--and the subsequent discovery of their bodies--has been all over the news.

So what did a mother in the parking lot of a Virginia Wal-Mart go and do over the weekend? She locked her kids in the trunk of her car because they were acting up. This is in addition to a similar incident in Maryland a few weeks ago.

Perhaps what should be done in these situations is to to stuff the mother into the trunk while the kids go get some ice cream.

Caution: Darwinism At Work

A man in Seattle recently fell to his death after he and his buddy engaged in a game to see who could hang off a highway overpass the longest. After losing his grip, he plunged to the interstate highway below and was struck by two vehicles. Sadly, this means he not only lost his life but the contest as well.

Surprisingly, alcohol appears to have been a factor.

Bush's Folly

Equality between the sexes aside, the role of women in combat has long been debated. The official Pentagon position on the topic is that it is not allowed. The reality of the matter, however, is that there are no actual "front lines" in Iraq, and women are routinely killed and maimed. This reality was brought home to Americans yesterday when several female marines were killed and wounded by a suicide bomber in Fallujah.

How much longer will Bush's Iraq folly continue? More and more Americans are slowly coming to terms with the fact that the invasion of Iraq was insanely stupid: Saddam was not a threat; he had no WMD's; Iraq was contained by no-fly zones in both the north and the south; Osama bin Laden remains on the loose; and as demonstrated by the various Downing Street memos, the intelligence used to justify the invasion was selectively interpreted and no thought was given to the eventual occupation. As a result, American soldiers AND innocent Iraqi civilians continue to needlessly die, and for what? This conflict is nothing but a total and absolute waste of life and resources.

If you listen to the drivel coming out of the White House, things in Iraq are absolutely hunky-dory. But while Bush remains optimistic, reality continues to rear its ugly head: Last month alone, 80 US troops and 700 Iraqi civilians died.

Cheney recently went as far as to say that the insurgency is in its "last throes." Is he certifiably mad, or has he been into the medicinal marijuana again? Even worse, is the White House deliberately insulting the intelligence of the American people?

Someone in charge needs to confront reality, and they need to do it soon.

Do I Know You?

Eleven year old Brennan Hawkins was lost in the Utah mountains for three days, and his family feared the worst. Searchers were stumped as to where else to look, and there was concern the child may have been swept away in a nearby rain-swollen river. When Brennan finally turned up, it turned out that the reason it took so long to find him is that he kept hiding from his rescuers! His parents had repeatedly told him never to talk to strangers, so when all these people he didn't know kept walking through the woods calling his name, Brennan kept running away.

Perhaps what we should start doing is telling our kids that sometimes it really is okay to talk to strangers.... Provided it's not Michael Jackson.

Guess His Hard Drive Failed

Jack Kilby has died.

Who?

He's the guy who, in 1958, invented the microchip. By compressing complex electronic switches onto a single wafer, Kilby made possible digital watches, the space program, cell phones, calculators, pacemakers, microwave ovens, programmable VCR's, computers, and the internet porn industry.

No word on whether doctors tried rebooting him.

Payback

Vietnamese Prime Minister Phan Van Khai visited the White House today and met with President Bush, the first leader of that nation to do so since the conflict ended 30 years ago. The two leaders talked about further improving trade between our two countries, possible membership for Vietnam in the World Trade Organization, and further recovery of the remains of American soldiers still classified as missing in action.

Afterwards, Mr. Khai was forced to flee to the roof of the White House and desperately grab onto a helicopter as it was taking off.

Rescue Me From The Hiltons

The country may going to hell in a handbasket, but I don't care. One of my favorite shows--Rescue Me--returns tonight (with repeats throughout the week) for its second season, and I'm happier than a pig in poop.... Which is something I've always to experience myself but haven't gotten around to.

The show (on FX) stars comedian Denis Leary as a post-9/11 firefighter in New York who has some serious issues. He's an alcoholic, talks to dead people, and has gotten his deceased cousin's wife pregnant. In the process of accomplishing all this, he has alienated pretty much all his friends and coworkers. Yet despite all that, Rescue Me also succeeds in getting you to laugh.

Yes, the language is raw. But it's also the type of well-written, thought-provoking program you will never find on any of the broadcast networks.

But if you're not into quality TV and prefer mind numbing stupidity, there's always I Want to Be a Hilton. Haven't seen it yet, but the advance word on it seems to indicate this show will epitomize everything that's wrong with so-called "reality" TV.

It's hosted by Paris Hilton's mother, Kathy. The show will take some regular every day folks and make them "'fit for New York society' by teaching them to 'live up to the standards of New York's elite.'" Hmmmm.... I guess being fit for New York's elite society includes being dimwitted enough to be videotaped while getting humped by your boyfriend.

Then again, maybe I should hang around New York's Park Avenue more often. I might just get lucky.

An Easy Way To Always Find A Date

The Chesapeake Bay is famous for its blue crab population. The little critters get their name from their claws, which in the case of the males, have a blue tinge to them. The female crabs of the species, however, have a reddish hue to their claws.

And no, I don't know why they're not called "red crabs." I'm not the one who named the things, so I'm washing my hands of the whole sexist business. But whatever the reasons, it does make it easy to tell the boy crabs from the girl ones.

So imagine the shock on waterman Robbie Watson's face when he dumped his trap and found a crab with one blue claw AND one red claw!

Watson decided to check the underside of the crab's shell. If it were a male, it would have a pattern that resembles the Washington Monument. But if it were female, the pattern would resemble the Capitol dome.

As it turned out, this particular speciman had a wavy pattern, which was roughly a cross between the two normal ones.

According to scientists, the crab is an extremely rare find known as a "bilateral gynandromorph," or a cross between both sexes. It's half male and female, all in the same body.

Hmmmm.... Kinda sounds like a crustecean version of Michael Jackson.

But I Know I Parked It Right Here

It's always inconvenient when your car gets stolen. There are reports to fill out, questions to answer, and snickers from the general public.

Snickers?

Well, yes. Especially when you happen to be the chief of police of the most powerful city in the most powerful country in the world, and your unmarked squad car gets stolen.

Frank Wills, Gone & (Almost) Forgotten

Today marks the 33rd anniversary of the Watergate break-in.

Since the revelation of Deep Throat's identity two weeks ago, a lot has been written about the ensuing scandal, the meteoric rise of Woodward & Bernstein, and the fall of the Nixon Administration.

Yes, Mark Felt played an important role. And certainly Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein are to be admired for their dogged pursuit of the truth. But the fact of the matter is that none of them are the true heros of the story. No, there is another individual who's name is all too often overlooked in the history of Watergate. This is unfortunate, for without him, Woodward & Bernstein would still be writing about the local fire department's dramatic rescue of a cat from a tree.

That man was Frank Wills, and he was the $80 a week security guard who first discovered a piece of tape on a door latch. He removed it, and on his next set of rounds, found that the latch had been taped open again.

That's when he picked up the phone, called the police, and set one of the greatest political scandals of the 20th century in motion.

A Matter Of Image

Wal-Mart is becoming increasingly concerned that their sales are beginning lag in the United States. Additionally, there is evidence that big spenders are beginning to go to competitors such as Target.

Consequently, the discount chain has begun putting fake hardwood floors in the apparel departments of some of their stores. Higher quality 550 thread count sheets will now be available, as well as cashmere sweaters and plasma TV's. The goal is to evoke the image of a more "upscale" Wal-Mart.

Yeah, right. And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a truck.