Saturday, August 20, 2005
Thursday, August 18, 2005
It's Morphin' Time!
When I was growing up in the '90's, I used to enjoy watching the Power Rangers. Sometimes, when I was alone, I would fantasize about the chick Ranger--usually the one in the pink costume--kicking my ass. Oh baby....
Anyway, one thing I definitely never thought about was what a turn on it would be to have a Power Ranger tie me to an anchor and shove me overboard.
Yet that's exactly what Skylar DeLeon--who supposedly starred on the show--allegedly did. I say supposedly, because it's starting to look like this guy may only be pretending to be a celebrity.
This, of course, raises a whole other question: Is the mere act of pretending to be a celebrity so outrageous in and of itself that it automatically makes the perpetrator a celebrity? And before you dismiss that concept as being too absurd to ever happen, keep in mind that Paris Hilton only became famous because she was dumb enough to have her boyfriend videotape her while they were boinking. Until that happened, no one had ever heard of her. She had never appeared on TV, or appeared on a magazine cover, or demonstrated any sort of meaningful talent, or done anything to bring fame upon herself. She was nothing more than a spoiled rich kid.
Anyway, at least I can still look up to the Ninja Turtles.
Anyway, one thing I definitely never thought about was what a turn on it would be to have a Power Ranger tie me to an anchor and shove me overboard.
Yet that's exactly what Skylar DeLeon--who supposedly starred on the show--allegedly did. I say supposedly, because it's starting to look like this guy may only be pretending to be a celebrity.
This, of course, raises a whole other question: Is the mere act of pretending to be a celebrity so outrageous in and of itself that it automatically makes the perpetrator a celebrity? And before you dismiss that concept as being too absurd to ever happen, keep in mind that Paris Hilton only became famous because she was dumb enough to have her boyfriend videotape her while they were boinking. Until that happened, no one had ever heard of her. She had never appeared on TV, or appeared on a magazine cover, or demonstrated any sort of meaningful talent, or done anything to bring fame upon herself. She was nothing more than a spoiled rich kid.
Anyway, at least I can still look up to the Ninja Turtles.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
It's All In The Name
A Chicago woman who called her cable company to complain about something found her next bill addressed to "Bitch Dog." And in a similar case, Jeffrey Barnes found that his power company had begun addressing its bills to "Jeffrey Scrotum Bag Barnes."
Well, guess that explains why the White House gets electric bills addressed to "Mr. Lying Sack Of Crap Who Misled The American People, Betrayed Their Trust, Invaded The Wrong Freaking Country, And Still Won't Admit He F*cked Up."
Well, guess that explains why the White House gets electric bills addressed to "Mr. Lying Sack Of Crap Who Misled The American People, Betrayed Their Trust, Invaded The Wrong Freaking Country, And Still Won't Admit He F*cked Up."
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
Conclusions
All too often we are oblivious as to how our words or actions may be misinterpreted by others. Likewise, those around us may sometimes jump to conclusions without knowing all the facts. And if the two scenarios should ever cross paths, someone will likely end up getting hurt.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
CBGB's
CBGB's is a small club in New York city that, for the last 30 years, has been a starting point for a number of bands that would eventually make it big. Many people credit CBGB's for also launching the punk rock scene in the late '70's by showcasing groups such as the Ramones, Blondie, and the Talking Heads. But now, because of rent increases and ongoing disputes with its landlord, the establishment is facing eviction at the end of the month.
Among the individuals and groups that have come to its aid are Deborah Harry, Tommy Ramone, and E Street Band member "Little Stevie" Van Zandt. Little Stevie also happens to play Silvio on The Sopranos, a character who has capped his fair share of wiseguys for Tony.
Hmmmm.... If I were the landlord, I think I'd offer to cut back on that rent increase.
Among the individuals and groups that have come to its aid are Deborah Harry, Tommy Ramone, and E Street Band member "Little Stevie" Van Zandt. Little Stevie also happens to play Silvio on The Sopranos, a character who has capped his fair share of wiseguys for Tony.
Hmmmm.... If I were the landlord, I think I'd offer to cut back on that rent increase.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Salvation
An article in today's USAToday explores the declining influence of religion throughout western Europe. Church attendance is plummeting, the percentage of people identifying themselves as religious has dropped, and Spain--a predominantly Catholic country--recently legalized gay marriage. And while the article doesn't specifically say so, I imagine that a sizable majority of these godless heathens believe in Darwin's Theory of Evolution, support stem cell research, and have been seduced by the paganistic allure of science.
The solution is obvious: The world's most powerful Theocracy--the United States--should invade Europe and kill anyone who doesn't immediately agree to have their soul saved.
The solution is obvious: The world's most powerful Theocracy--the United States--should invade Europe and kill anyone who doesn't immediately agree to have their soul saved.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Maybe They Could Apply Foam To The Thing
Scientists have known for a while now that a large asteroid will pass within 25,000 of Earth on April 13, 2029 (I've thoughtfully provided a countdown clock at the bottom of the lefthand column). While close, it's still a miss.
However, further analysis has now alarmed the people who are paid to be alarmed by this kind of stuff. The concern is that the asteroid will pass through a "gravitational sweet spot" which will significantly change the space rock's orbit. Should that happen, the asteroid would smash into the Earth a mere seven years later, possibly leading to the collapse of civilization and perhaps even the extinction of man.
It is unclear what effect this would have on the current housing bubble.
Consequently NASA scientists have begun studying the feasibility of somehow "nudging" the intruder into a different orbit.
Who are they kidding!?!?! Did you see the look on the faces of the mission controllers when Discovery touched down yesterday? They appeared to be genuinely surprised the crew got back in one piece!! I have nothing but respect for the folks at NASA, but if it's going to be up to them to save the world, we're royally f*cked.
However, further analysis has now alarmed the people who are paid to be alarmed by this kind of stuff. The concern is that the asteroid will pass through a "gravitational sweet spot" which will significantly change the space rock's orbit. Should that happen, the asteroid would smash into the Earth a mere seven years later, possibly leading to the collapse of civilization and perhaps even the extinction of man.
It is unclear what effect this would have on the current housing bubble.
Consequently NASA scientists have begun studying the feasibility of somehow "nudging" the intruder into a different orbit.
Who are they kidding!?!?! Did you see the look on the faces of the mission controllers when Discovery touched down yesterday? They appeared to be genuinely surprised the crew got back in one piece!! I have nothing but respect for the folks at NASA, but if it's going to be up to them to save the world, we're royally f*cked.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Remembrance
This past Friday my mother passed away at the age of 83. She had been in declining health for sometime, so it was not unexpected. On the other hand, that doesn't make it any easier to accept.
Since then I've wondered what to say, if anything. Personal matters are not something I usually talk about here. But at the funeral service today my nephew delivered an eloquent summary of my mother's life and times that I could only have hoped to equal, so with his permission I'm posting his words here....
Hungary was rebuilding itself after World War I. In the small farming village of Bate, Hungary, Rose Gyurko, my grandmother, was born on March 6, 1922.
In 1938 she married my grandfather, a young man from the next town, Eugene Cseplo. A year after they married, World War II broke out in Europe when Germany invaded Poland. Hungary tried to stay out of the conflict but reluctantly became part of the Axis for fear of invasion by the Nazis.
Grandpa was eventually drafted into the German army. He was stationed in a nearby town. It was during this period that my mother, Margaret, was born. As the Russians advanced west, grandpa was able to avoid being sent to the front by having himself conveniently captured by the British. He spent the remainder of the war as a POW.
Without grandpa, my grandmother was left to plow the fields, milk the cows, and raise her daughter alone.
When the Soviet army swept through Hungary pushing out the Germans, the Russians used grandma's house as their local command center. Grandma and my mother had to live with relatives while Marshall Zukov, Stalin's right hand man, slept in her bed.
Grandma had a story about how the Russians used the local Hungarian women to bail water all day from the bomb craters on the airfield, thus creating a human shield to protect the local airstrip from German bombing. In protest my grandmother and the other women did this while wearing all black. Grandma always took pride in her little rebellion against the Russians.
Eventually the war ended and grandpa was freed. He returned home to his family after a year or two of separation. He entered politics during a period of free elections and became head of the Small Farmers Party in Hungary. Then in 1947 the Communist Party under Stalin took over the Hungarian government. My grandfather was given an ultimatum: Join the Communist Party as Secretary of Agriculture or go to prison for being anti-communist.
Due to his strong principles his only option was to flee Hungary immediately and cross the border into Austria, saying goodbye to Rose and his daughter without knowing if they would ever be together again. And once again, Rose was again alone to tend the farm and raise a child.
During this time the KGB would periodically raid the house looking for any correspondence from my grandfather to her. They never discovered grandpa's letters from Paris hidden under the attic floorboards.
Then came three years without any correspondence at all from grandpa. His whereabouts were unknown to grandma. My grandmother and mom eventually heard him speaking on Voice of America. He was alive and in the United States, but it was unclear if they would ever be together again.
Every time grandma tried legal means to leave Hungary she was turned down. Then in 1956 the Hungarian Revolution broke out. While it did not succeed, grandma saw an opportunity in all the chaos. With help, she and my mother were able to travel to a town near the border. One night they were led across the border into Yugoslavia. Thus began their journey to America to reunite with my grandfather.
They were reunited in New York after ten years of separation. My grandmother and mother joined my grandfather on his farm in Herndon, Virginia. Finally my grandparents' lives together could begin, and soon after my uncle Andrew was born.
In the early 1960's they moved to Catlett in Fauquier County. My grandparents ran the dairy farm there by themselves. I never saw grandma sit and relax. There was always work to be on the farm. Most of my earliest memories are from there. I loved being on the farm with my protective grandmother watching over me. The world of the farm, with the cows, the trains, the dogs, Andrew's matchbox cars, and especially the smell of grandma's Hungarian Goulash are the best memories I have from my childhood.
In the late 1970's they retired from farming and moved to a small house in Manassas. They still worked side by side as the custodians at the Knights of Columbus hall on the grounds of All Saints School and church. I attended school there and still remember seeing my them almost every day. Grandma and grandpa would come out of the Knights' hall at the start of recess to say hello to me on the playground.
Eventually grandpa's health began to deteriorate, and grandma took care of him. He died in 1991, just after they celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary. Now, after 14 more years of separation, grandma has reunited with grandpa yet again. And this time they will be inseparable for all of eternity.
My grandmother's life spanned from the Old World to the New World and from horse drawn carts in her early days to seeing men walk on the moon. She survived the Third Reich, and saw the fall of the iron curtain and the breakup of the Soviet Union. She lived to see the dawn of the 21st century and a new millennium.
Most importantly, she lived to see the birth of her two great-grandchildren, Alexandra and Robert. She was a little upset, pointing out that Alexandra was a Russian name.
We could see the joy these two brought her in the end, and how she would light up upon seeing them. Her great-grandchildren--her little chickens, as she called them--gave her comfort in knowing that all her life's hardships had served a purpose.
Grandma, you will not be forgotten.
Since then I've wondered what to say, if anything. Personal matters are not something I usually talk about here. But at the funeral service today my nephew delivered an eloquent summary of my mother's life and times that I could only have hoped to equal, so with his permission I'm posting his words here....
________________________________________________________
Hungary was rebuilding itself after World War I. In the small farming village of Bate, Hungary, Rose Gyurko, my grandmother, was born on March 6, 1922.
In 1938 she married my grandfather, a young man from the next town, Eugene Cseplo. A year after they married, World War II broke out in Europe when Germany invaded Poland. Hungary tried to stay out of the conflict but reluctantly became part of the Axis for fear of invasion by the Nazis.
Grandpa was eventually drafted into the German army. He was stationed in a nearby town. It was during this period that my mother, Margaret, was born. As the Russians advanced west, grandpa was able to avoid being sent to the front by having himself conveniently captured by the British. He spent the remainder of the war as a POW.
Without grandpa, my grandmother was left to plow the fields, milk the cows, and raise her daughter alone.
When the Soviet army swept through Hungary pushing out the Germans, the Russians used grandma's house as their local command center. Grandma and my mother had to live with relatives while Marshall Zukov, Stalin's right hand man, slept in her bed.
Grandma had a story about how the Russians used the local Hungarian women to bail water all day from the bomb craters on the airfield, thus creating a human shield to protect the local airstrip from German bombing. In protest my grandmother and the other women did this while wearing all black. Grandma always took pride in her little rebellion against the Russians.
Eventually the war ended and grandpa was freed. He returned home to his family after a year or two of separation. He entered politics during a period of free elections and became head of the Small Farmers Party in Hungary. Then in 1947 the Communist Party under Stalin took over the Hungarian government. My grandfather was given an ultimatum: Join the Communist Party as Secretary of Agriculture or go to prison for being anti-communist.
Due to his strong principles his only option was to flee Hungary immediately and cross the border into Austria, saying goodbye to Rose and his daughter without knowing if they would ever be together again. And once again, Rose was again alone to tend the farm and raise a child.
During this time the KGB would periodically raid the house looking for any correspondence from my grandfather to her. They never discovered grandpa's letters from Paris hidden under the attic floorboards.
Then came three years without any correspondence at all from grandpa. His whereabouts were unknown to grandma. My grandmother and mom eventually heard him speaking on Voice of America. He was alive and in the United States, but it was unclear if they would ever be together again.
Every time grandma tried legal means to leave Hungary she was turned down. Then in 1956 the Hungarian Revolution broke out. While it did not succeed, grandma saw an opportunity in all the chaos. With help, she and my mother were able to travel to a town near the border. One night they were led across the border into Yugoslavia. Thus began their journey to America to reunite with my grandfather.
They were reunited in New York after ten years of separation. My grandmother and mother joined my grandfather on his farm in Herndon, Virginia. Finally my grandparents' lives together could begin, and soon after my uncle Andrew was born.
In the early 1960's they moved to Catlett in Fauquier County. My grandparents ran the dairy farm there by themselves. I never saw grandma sit and relax. There was always work to be on the farm. Most of my earliest memories are from there. I loved being on the farm with my protective grandmother watching over me. The world of the farm, with the cows, the trains, the dogs, Andrew's matchbox cars, and especially the smell of grandma's Hungarian Goulash are the best memories I have from my childhood.
In the late 1970's they retired from farming and moved to a small house in Manassas. They still worked side by side as the custodians at the Knights of Columbus hall on the grounds of All Saints School and church. I attended school there and still remember seeing my them almost every day. Grandma and grandpa would come out of the Knights' hall at the start of recess to say hello to me on the playground.
Eventually grandpa's health began to deteriorate, and grandma took care of him. He died in 1991, just after they celebrated their 53rd wedding anniversary. Now, after 14 more years of separation, grandma has reunited with grandpa yet again. And this time they will be inseparable for all of eternity.
My grandmother's life spanned from the Old World to the New World and from horse drawn carts in her early days to seeing men walk on the moon. She survived the Third Reich, and saw the fall of the iron curtain and the breakup of the Soviet Union. She lived to see the dawn of the 21st century and a new millennium.
Most importantly, she lived to see the birth of her two great-grandchildren, Alexandra and Robert. She was a little upset, pointing out that Alexandra was a Russian name.
We could see the joy these two brought her in the end, and how she would light up upon seeing them. Her great-grandchildren--her little chickens, as she called them--gave her comfort in knowing that all her life's hardships had served a purpose.
Grandma, you will not be forgotten.
---------Delivered by Thomas Leal, August 8, 2005
Rose Cseplo
March 6, 1922-August 5, 2005
Rose Cseplo
March 6, 1922-August 5, 2005
Sunday, August 07, 2005
President George W. Bonehead
Many of Bush's harshest critics have long insulted his intelligence, which is unfortunate. The man has twice--well, maybe one and a half times--gotten himself elected President. And he managed to accomplish this even after he invaded the wrong freakin' country!! That says a lot for him, and I've actually been starting to develop a grudging respect for the lying sack of crap.
But then he goes and says something so incredibly stupid that it can only serve to remove all doubt that the man is a total, absolute, consummate, utterly indisputable, complete, one hundred per cent, out-and out, unadulterated imbecile.
The other day, in an interview with some Texas reporters, Bush actually said that intelligent design should be taught in public schools as an alternative to evolution. "Both sides ought to be properly taught," said the President, "so people can understand what the debate is about."
Debate? What debate? There is no debate in the scientific community about evolution. There has never been a shred of evidence to dispute it. The only thing the proponents of creationism have to go on is that the development of humanity is so complicated that some "unseen force" must be guiding it.
That statement is really nothing more than an admission of stupidity. Most people can't grasp the concept of infinity, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Nor can the average person understand how splitting a tiny little atom can generate enough energy to power an entire city--or level it--but that doesn't mean it's magic. And I can't fathom why something as heavy as the moon doesn't fall on us, but that doesn't mean it's filled with helium.
Besides, look at what's happening in the world today. If there is indeed some sort of "unseen force" out there guiding us, it's got one hell of a twisted sense of humor.
If you want to teach intelligent design, fine. Include it as part of an elective religion course. But to suggest that it should be taught in science classes as some sort of reasonable alternative to evolution is beyond the pale.
What's next? Exuming Darwin's body and trying his remains on charges of heresy? What the hell.... Let's also dig up Galileo, Copernicus, Ptolemy, Kepler, and anyone else who dared challenge the church and bring western civilization out of the dark ages.
But then he goes and says something so incredibly stupid that it can only serve to remove all doubt that the man is a total, absolute, consummate, utterly indisputable, complete, one hundred per cent, out-and out, unadulterated imbecile.
The other day, in an interview with some Texas reporters, Bush actually said that intelligent design should be taught in public schools as an alternative to evolution. "Both sides ought to be properly taught," said the President, "so people can understand what the debate is about."
Debate? What debate? There is no debate in the scientific community about evolution. There has never been a shred of evidence to dispute it. The only thing the proponents of creationism have to go on is that the development of humanity is so complicated that some "unseen force" must be guiding it.
That statement is really nothing more than an admission of stupidity. Most people can't grasp the concept of infinity, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Nor can the average person understand how splitting a tiny little atom can generate enough energy to power an entire city--or level it--but that doesn't mean it's magic. And I can't fathom why something as heavy as the moon doesn't fall on us, but that doesn't mean it's filled with helium.
Besides, look at what's happening in the world today. If there is indeed some sort of "unseen force" out there guiding us, it's got one hell of a twisted sense of humor.
If you want to teach intelligent design, fine. Include it as part of an elective religion course. But to suggest that it should be taught in science classes as some sort of reasonable alternative to evolution is beyond the pale.
What's next? Exuming Darwin's body and trying his remains on charges of heresy? What the hell.... Let's also dig up Galileo, Copernicus, Ptolemy, Kepler, and anyone else who dared challenge the church and bring western civilization out of the dark ages.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
No Guilt
Today marks the 60th anniversary of the dropping of the first atomic bomb. This is one of those days where much of the world likes to blame the horror of what happened in Hiroshima on the United States. The Japanese, especially, like to talk about they were the victims of what happened on this date in 1945.
Well, okay. All those candle light vigils in Japan held on August 6th of every year are quite moving. But I'm just curious: Do the Japanese ever shed tears over the 370,000 Chinese they slaughtered in the rape of Nanking? Or the thousands of POW's that died during the Bataan Death March? Or the tens of thousands of women in captured territories that the Japanese forced into sexual slavery? Or Japan's experiments with germ warfare using prisoners as human guinea pigs?
War is a horrible thing, and unfortunately people die. But when one considers how many deaths Japan's belligerence caused, and how many more would have died if the fighting had gone on longer, there's no reason for Americans to feel guilt over what happened at Hiroshima.
Well, okay. All those candle light vigils in Japan held on August 6th of every year are quite moving. But I'm just curious: Do the Japanese ever shed tears over the 370,000 Chinese they slaughtered in the rape of Nanking? Or the thousands of POW's that died during the Bataan Death March? Or the tens of thousands of women in captured territories that the Japanese forced into sexual slavery? Or Japan's experiments with germ warfare using prisoners as human guinea pigs?
War is a horrible thing, and unfortunately people die. But when one considers how many deaths Japan's belligerence caused, and how many more would have died if the fighting had gone on longer, there's no reason for Americans to feel guilt over what happened at Hiroshima.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Sticking To The Earth
Last weekend I finally made the leap to satellite radio and ended up landing with something of a thud. The whole experience has been a disappointment.
First of all, both XM and Sirius offer plans at $12.95 a month, and I actually had decided to go with XM only because they're based here in DC. But then upon closer inspection I started finding differences in their online services.
If you want to listen to XM through your computer, the service is an additional $4.99 for subscribers (or $7.99 for non-radio customers). That's not too bad, but here's the kicker: They will sign you out after two hours for inactivity if you don't periodically click onto the player and bring it into the foreground. That really irritated me.
Sirius, on the other hand, offers online listening to its subscribers at no additional charge. And--more importantly--they don't sign you out. That actually tipped the scales for me, so that's why I bought a Sirius receiver. But after activating it, I couldn't access the online player any more! For some reason it kept trying log me into the now expired three day trial player. An exchange of several emails with their support people proved fruitless. The morons would end up answering questions I didn't ask, or giving me solutions to problems I wasn't experiencing. At one point they even changed my username for some reason.
I'm guessing their customer support people are in freakin' India and can't read English. I suppose moving such operations overseas saves payroll, but what good does that do if you end up pissing off your customers?
But the most disappointing aspect of satellite radio is the reception itself. And the ugly truth is that reception is an integral part of listening to radio.
While its surprisingly great in downtown DC, working in even some long tunnels, that's only because they use terrestrial 'repeaters' in urban areas. Once you get about 20 miles outside of town, it quickly goes downhill.
All kinds of obstructions can interfere with the signal, the most common being highway overpasses and trees.
With the overpasses, the break in the signal actually occurs a few seconds after you're back in the open. This delay is presumably because the radios have a buffer built in which is specifically supposed to prevent such interruptions. I had heard this buffer was ten seconds long, which would prevent most such breaks in coverage. Turns out that's a crock. It's barely two seconds, if that. I would guess that well over half the overpasses I encountered (outside the range of the repeaters) caused problems, and these occurred even at 65 mph.
The other issue, surprisingly, is trees. And since a sizable portion of my driving is on rural two lane roads lined with evil trees, this is quite annoying. Worst of all, it doesn't even have to be a heavily wooded area with a 'canopy' of leaves over head. Just having a few trees close together on one side of the road can pose problems if they happen to be between you and the satellite. Guess maybe I should be more careful about mapping out my routes.
On the other hand, all those damn trees are enough to make me rethink my opposition to Bush's environmental policies.
So is satellite radio worth it? Well, I suppose if you do a lot of cross-country interstate highway travel, then the answer is yes, provided you're willing to put up with the occasional overpass induced interruption. It does prevent having to hunt for a new station every hour or so.
But at 13 bucks a month, it's not for me. Call me cheap, but for that kind of money I expect much more consistent service.
First of all, both XM and Sirius offer plans at $12.95 a month, and I actually had decided to go with XM only because they're based here in DC. But then upon closer inspection I started finding differences in their online services.
If you want to listen to XM through your computer, the service is an additional $4.99 for subscribers (or $7.99 for non-radio customers). That's not too bad, but here's the kicker: They will sign you out after two hours for inactivity if you don't periodically click onto the player and bring it into the foreground. That really irritated me.
Sirius, on the other hand, offers online listening to its subscribers at no additional charge. And--more importantly--they don't sign you out. That actually tipped the scales for me, so that's why I bought a Sirius receiver. But after activating it, I couldn't access the online player any more! For some reason it kept trying log me into the now expired three day trial player. An exchange of several emails with their support people proved fruitless. The morons would end up answering questions I didn't ask, or giving me solutions to problems I wasn't experiencing. At one point they even changed my username for some reason.
I'm guessing their customer support people are in freakin' India and can't read English. I suppose moving such operations overseas saves payroll, but what good does that do if you end up pissing off your customers?
But the most disappointing aspect of satellite radio is the reception itself. And the ugly truth is that reception is an integral part of listening to radio.
While its surprisingly great in downtown DC, working in even some long tunnels, that's only because they use terrestrial 'repeaters' in urban areas. Once you get about 20 miles outside of town, it quickly goes downhill.
All kinds of obstructions can interfere with the signal, the most common being highway overpasses and trees.
With the overpasses, the break in the signal actually occurs a few seconds after you're back in the open. This delay is presumably because the radios have a buffer built in which is specifically supposed to prevent such interruptions. I had heard this buffer was ten seconds long, which would prevent most such breaks in coverage. Turns out that's a crock. It's barely two seconds, if that. I would guess that well over half the overpasses I encountered (outside the range of the repeaters) caused problems, and these occurred even at 65 mph.
The other issue, surprisingly, is trees. And since a sizable portion of my driving is on rural two lane roads lined with evil trees, this is quite annoying. Worst of all, it doesn't even have to be a heavily wooded area with a 'canopy' of leaves over head. Just having a few trees close together on one side of the road can pose problems if they happen to be between you and the satellite. Guess maybe I should be more careful about mapping out my routes.
On the other hand, all those damn trees are enough to make me rethink my opposition to Bush's environmental policies.
So is satellite radio worth it? Well, I suppose if you do a lot of cross-country interstate highway travel, then the answer is yes, provided you're willing to put up with the occasional overpass induced interruption. It does prevent having to hunt for a new station every hour or so.
But at 13 bucks a month, it's not for me. Call me cheap, but for that kind of money I expect much more consistent service.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
A Bittersweet Ending.... And Beginning
Back on May 7, 26 year old Susan Torres of Arlington, Virginia suffered a massive stroke brought on by an undiagnosed tumor. By the time she got to the hospital, she was brain dead.
Already the mother of a two year old, Susan was 15 weeks pregnant with a second child when she fell ill . Unfortunately, fetuses are generally not able to survive outside the womb until the 24th week.
It was under those dire circumstances that family members and doctors decided to take the longest of long shots: Keeping her on life support until the baby could be safely delivered.
And so it was that yesterday at 8:18 AM, Susan Anne Catherine Torres--weighing all of 1 pound, 13 ounces--came into the world. While she will remain in the neonatal unit for the foreseeable future, doctors have pronounced little Susan healthy.
Remarkably, trained medical professionals were able to accomplish all this without the help of George W. Bush and the United States Congress.
Already the mother of a two year old, Susan was 15 weeks pregnant with a second child when she fell ill . Unfortunately, fetuses are generally not able to survive outside the womb until the 24th week.
It was under those dire circumstances that family members and doctors decided to take the longest of long shots: Keeping her on life support until the baby could be safely delivered.
And so it was that yesterday at 8:18 AM, Susan Anne Catherine Torres--weighing all of 1 pound, 13 ounces--came into the world. While she will remain in the neonatal unit for the foreseeable future, doctors have pronounced little Susan healthy.
Remarkably, trained medical professionals were able to accomplish all this without the help of George W. Bush and the United States Congress.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Monday, August 01, 2005
Ten's A Crowd
Astronomers have announced the discovery of what is likely to be classified as the tenth planet of our solar system. It has tentatively been given the terribly imaginative name of 2003 UB313.... And some people say scientists are unromantic geeks.NASA is expected to launch an unsuccessful mission to our new neighbor any day now.
Meanwhile, astronauts on board Discovery will soon be conducting another spacewalk, this time to correct a potential problem with the shuttle's heat shield. Officials at the space agency emphasize that this new development is not a result of the foam that broke off during launch.
Um, okay. Is that supposed to be somehow reassuring? Whatever the cause of the problem, if I were on board Discovery I'd be grabbing a parachute right about now and heading out the airlock.... After changing my shorts, of course.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Bill Frist: Balls O' Steel
Prior to being elected to the Senate in 1994, Bill Frist was a highly respected cardiologist in Tennessee. Someone like that is obviously a well-educated, principled man of science. But when he became Senate majority leader a few year's ago, and especially after his despicable, opportunistic behavior during the Terry Schiavo circus this spring, it became clear that Frist had allowed himself to be emasculated by the Christian right. In his zeal to win over the evangelical wackos of America and use their support in a 2008 run for the presidency, Frist had apparently turned his back on science.
That's what makes today's announcement that he will support the stem cell bill currently before the Senate all the more remarkable. In so doing, Frist has told both President Bush--who continues to oppose federal funding of stem cell research--and the religious nutcases seeking to return this nation to the dark ages to go piss up a rope.
It is not yet clear what effect this break will have on Frist's quest for the Oval Office. Bush, for his part, says he respects Frist's decision, even though he probably would like to send the Senator off to Guantanamo for a few rounds with the guard dogs. And the Christian right? Well, they're understandably upset that someone would dare embrace science, when it should be perfectly obvious to everyone that diseases are caused by evil spirits and can be cured by nothing more than prayer.
Their chief argument against embryonic stem cell research is that it, well, destroys fertilized eggs. To them, that is a worse sin than allowing someone to slowly die of Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, the complications of Diabetes, or a host of other gene based diseases. What makes their opposition to such research even more mind-boggling is that these same surplus embryonic cells would otherwise be discarded--incinerated or otherwise disposed of--by fertility clinics. If they're going to be destroyed anyway, why not put them to good use, for crying out loud?
Frankly, Senator Frist, I'm impressed. It's not every day a man finds his balls again.
That's what makes today's announcement that he will support the stem cell bill currently before the Senate all the more remarkable. In so doing, Frist has told both President Bush--who continues to oppose federal funding of stem cell research--and the religious nutcases seeking to return this nation to the dark ages to go piss up a rope.
It is not yet clear what effect this break will have on Frist's quest for the Oval Office. Bush, for his part, says he respects Frist's decision, even though he probably would like to send the Senator off to Guantanamo for a few rounds with the guard dogs. And the Christian right? Well, they're understandably upset that someone would dare embrace science, when it should be perfectly obvious to everyone that diseases are caused by evil spirits and can be cured by nothing more than prayer.
Their chief argument against embryonic stem cell research is that it, well, destroys fertilized eggs. To them, that is a worse sin than allowing someone to slowly die of Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, the complications of Diabetes, or a host of other gene based diseases. What makes their opposition to such research even more mind-boggling is that these same surplus embryonic cells would otherwise be discarded--incinerated or otherwise disposed of--by fertility clinics. If they're going to be destroyed anyway, why not put them to good use, for crying out loud?
Frankly, Senator Frist, I'm impressed. It's not every day a man finds his balls again.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Space, The Final Frontier... For Glue
NASA has decided to ground the shuttle program while it yet again confronts the issue of why the fuel tank sheds insulation foam during launch. It was such a piece that struck the wing of Columbia during its January, 2003 launch and led to the craft's fiery demise two weeks later. To prevent a recurrence of that disaster, engineers at the space agency redesigned the tank, changed the composition of the foam, and came up with new techniques of applying it. The people with the fancy-schmancy PhD's vowed that the problem was solved.
So what happened during launch of Discovery earlier this week? The fuel tank was shedding foam faster than a cat sheds hair on a brand new sofa. While Discovery does not appear to have been damaged, the decision was made to postpone future missions until the issue of how to make the insulation adhere better to the tank is resolved.... Again.
Excuse me, but has anyone thought of driving over to the Cocoa Beach Wal-Mart and picking up a tube of Super Glue?
Meanwhile, astronauts already in orbit on board Discovery are conducting a six and a half hour spacewalk. Orbiting at 17,000 miles per hour, that means they will have traveled 110,500 miles during their excursion.
If you figure that the latest fitness statistics recommend we walk briskly for 2 miles three times week to maintain cardiac health, that means those lucky bastards are set for the next 18,416.666 weeks.
So what happened during launch of Discovery earlier this week? The fuel tank was shedding foam faster than a cat sheds hair on a brand new sofa. While Discovery does not appear to have been damaged, the decision was made to postpone future missions until the issue of how to make the insulation adhere better to the tank is resolved.... Again.
Excuse me, but has anyone thought of driving over to the Cocoa Beach Wal-Mart and picking up a tube of Super Glue?
Meanwhile, astronauts already in orbit on board Discovery are conducting a six and a half hour spacewalk. Orbiting at 17,000 miles per hour, that means they will have traveled 110,500 miles during their excursion.
If you figure that the latest fitness statistics recommend we walk briskly for 2 miles three times week to maintain cardiac health, that means those lucky bastards are set for the next 18,416.666 weeks.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Accentuate The Positive
Former NFL star and Heisman Award winning homicidal maniac O.J. Simpson has been fined $25,000 by a Miami Court for pirating satellite signals. The charges stemmed from a 2001 raid on his mansion. Police at the time turned up devices used to illegally decode DirecTV signals.
It angers me that the media continues to zero on O.J.'s problems. Sure, what he did was wrong, but do people always need to focus on the man's shortcomings? Can't society and the press for once pay Mr. Simpson a complement? Or is that too much to ask? Well, I for one am going to break away from the mob and write about the positive aspects of his case.
O.J.: If you're reading this, let me be the first to congratulate you on not killing the cable guy, hacking his body into little pieces, leaving his remains on the sidewalk in a pool of blood, and leading police on a humiliating low speed car chase.
It angers me that the media continues to zero on O.J.'s problems. Sure, what he did was wrong, but do people always need to focus on the man's shortcomings? Can't society and the press for once pay Mr. Simpson a complement? Or is that too much to ask? Well, I for one am going to break away from the mob and write about the positive aspects of his case.
O.J.: If you're reading this, let me be the first to congratulate you on not killing the cable guy, hacking his body into little pieces, leaving his remains on the sidewalk in a pool of blood, and leading police on a humiliating low speed car chase.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Keeping Abreast Of The News
Armed bandits in Brazil recently stole a shipment of 400 breast implants. The theft comes at the height of the country's plastic surgery season, as clients seek to take care of cosmetic surgery during the southern winter. That way, by the time the spring beach season rolls around, their new selves will be ready for public consumption. However, the criminals may not have been aware that the silicone implants carry individualized serial numbers.
No doubt the police are looking forward to checking those numbers.
No doubt the police are looking forward to checking those numbers.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Failure Is Not An Option
A British teachers union is seriously debating whether or not to replace the word "fail" with "deferred success." The concern is that "failure" could discourage students from studying harder. The term "deferred success," on the other hand could make even total nincompoops look reasonably good.
Hmmm.... Guess that means that Bush has achieved deferred success in Iraq.
Hmmm.... Guess that means that Bush has achieved deferred success in Iraq.
Monday, July 25, 2005
Ya Gotta Love The French
French President Jacques Chirac recently said that "the only thing the British have ever given European farming is mad cow." Well, I'm on the other side of the other Atlantic, so I can't say for sure whether or not that's true.
France's contributions to Europe--indeed, the world--are beyond question, however. They have given us excellent wines, wonderful champagne, the world's finest cuisine, and all while perfecting the art of the unconditional surrender.
France's contributions to Europe--indeed, the world--are beyond question, however. They have given us excellent wines, wonderful champagne, the world's finest cuisine, and all while perfecting the art of the unconditional surrender.
A Really Bad Idea
What the f--- is NASA thinking?
In what has to be the stupidest damn decision in the history of mankind--or at least the time some moron decided to invade Iraq based on faulty intelligence--NASA has decided to go ahead and launch the shuttle Discovery tomorrow. This is being done despite the fact that the problem with the fuel sensor that caused the delay in the first place remains a mystery. More importantly, they are proceeding with the launch in violation of their own safety rules. Never mind that the lives of the people on board the spacecraft are riding on this; never mind that a 4.5 billion dollar piece of equipment is at stake; and never mind that if the disaster strikes, it may well spell the end of the manned space program in this country. No, we'll go ahead and takeoff with a faulty fuel sensor.
Here's a suggestion: Take the idiots who made this decision and stick them on Discovery as well. THEN let's see if NASA is still willing to proceed with liftoff.
The danger is that even though there are four sensors, if any two of them register the hydrogen tank as empty, the engines will shut down. And if that happens while the liquid oxygen is still pumping, the whole thing will go BOOM.
Personally, if I were one of the seven astronauts on this mission, I'd go ahead and schedule an emergency root canal for tomorrow.
In what has to be the stupidest damn decision in the history of mankind--or at least the time some moron decided to invade Iraq based on faulty intelligence--NASA has decided to go ahead and launch the shuttle Discovery tomorrow. This is being done despite the fact that the problem with the fuel sensor that caused the delay in the first place remains a mystery. More importantly, they are proceeding with the launch in violation of their own safety rules. Never mind that the lives of the people on board the spacecraft are riding on this; never mind that a 4.5 billion dollar piece of equipment is at stake; and never mind that if the disaster strikes, it may well spell the end of the manned space program in this country. No, we'll go ahead and takeoff with a faulty fuel sensor.
Here's a suggestion: Take the idiots who made this decision and stick them on Discovery as well. THEN let's see if NASA is still willing to proceed with liftoff.
The danger is that even though there are four sensors, if any two of them register the hydrogen tank as empty, the engines will shut down. And if that happens while the liquid oxygen is still pumping, the whole thing will go BOOM.
Personally, if I were one of the seven astronauts on this mission, I'd go ahead and schedule an emergency root canal for tomorrow.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Pedal Power
Congratulations to Lance Armstrong, who has won his seventh consecutive Tour de France race. He had previously announced that this will be his last one as he is retiring from bicycle racing.
Thank God. There's nothing more hideous than an 82 year old guy in bicycle shorts.
Thank God. There's nothing more hideous than an 82 year old guy in bicycle shorts.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
Maintenance Lesson
Computers are complicated pieces of equipment. Not only do you have to worry about outside threats such as viruses, worms, hijackings, cookies, spyware, and phishing schemes, but there are constant maintenance issues as well. The obvious ones are occasionally defragging the hard drive and NOT throwing a half full glass of whiskey at the damn thing when you get pissed off.
But then there are the lesser known ones as well. For example, how many of you know to periodically clean the inside of your monitor? (Turn your sound up for this one.)
But then there are the lesser known ones as well. For example, how many of you know to periodically clean the inside of your monitor? (Turn your sound up for this one.)
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Protecting Our Children
One of the most violent video games around is Grand Theft Auto. Players routinely get shoot each other while playing, as well as innocent bystanders and cops. It also features violence against women. Despite all the controversy, it has never gotten itself banned.... Until now.
The new version, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas enables players to reward themselves by picking up hookers. This has finally gotten the game banned.
In other words, exposing young kids to gratuitous violence, murder, and mayhem is perfectly acceptable. But sex? No way. Absolutely not. We can't have that.
Thank God we have our priorities straight.
The new version, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas enables players to reward themselves by picking up hookers. This has finally gotten the game banned.
In other words, exposing young kids to gratuitous violence, murder, and mayhem is perfectly acceptable. But sex? No way. Absolutely not. We can't have that.
Thank God we have our priorities straight.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
President Bush , Plagiarist?
So I'm sitting in front of the TV, flipping through the channels, which is the 21st century equivalent of a man's instinct to hunt sabre toth tigers. And so it was that I stumbled across Patriot Games, starring Harrison Ford.
Big deal, Lugosi. Why are you telling us this?
Well, because I believe I have uncovered evidence that may finally lead to Bush's downfall.
Shortly after the big out shootout scene on the London street--near the beginning of the movie--several of the terrorists are sitting in a pub discussing it. One of them is rather shocked, and fears that a direct attack on the royal family such as the one that just occurred will backfire on the IRA. The other terrorist, who actually organized the attack, says these words to his reluctant comrade: "Either you're with us or you're against us."
Sound familiar? They should, for those are the very words Bush once said when urging other nations to join us in the War on Terror. Powerful words indeed, but unfortunately lifted from a Hollywood script without proper attribution.
That's it then. Let the impeachment hearings begin!
Big deal, Lugosi. Why are you telling us this?
Well, because I believe I have uncovered evidence that may finally lead to Bush's downfall.
Shortly after the big out shootout scene on the London street--near the beginning of the movie--several of the terrorists are sitting in a pub discussing it. One of them is rather shocked, and fears that a direct attack on the royal family such as the one that just occurred will backfire on the IRA. The other terrorist, who actually organized the attack, says these words to his reluctant comrade: "Either you're with us or you're against us."
Sound familiar? They should, for those are the very words Bush once said when urging other nations to join us in the War on Terror. Powerful words indeed, but unfortunately lifted from a Hollywood script without proper attribution.
That's it then. Let the impeachment hearings begin!
And Probably In An Aluminum Foil Coffin
Gerry Thomas, the man who is creditted with inventing the TV dinner, has died.
He will be buried with a side of peas and carrots.
He will be buried with a side of peas and carrots.
One To Beam Up
First we find out there were no weapons of mass destruction, and now we learn James "Scotty" Doohan was a freakin' Canadian!?!?! What universally held truth will be next to end up shattered upon the floor of history?
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Monday, July 18, 2005
Panda Update
The baby panda born at the National Zoo some ten days ago appears to doing well. Although several cubs were born to a previous pair back in the 80's, none lived more than a few days, so the current newborn's longevity is a good sign.
The little one doesn't have a name yet, and according to Chinese tradition, panda cubs aren't named until they are 100 days old.
Don't be surprised, however, if Republicans in Congress introduce a bill to name it after Ronald Reagan.
The little one doesn't have a name yet, and according to Chinese tradition, panda cubs aren't named until they are 100 days old.
Don't be surprised, however, if Republicans in Congress introduce a bill to name it after Ronald Reagan.
Friday, July 15, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Learning Survival Skills
Several new studies seem to indicate that excessive TV watching hampers academic skills among children. This may or may not be true, and it may or may not carry profound implications for this nation's next generation of leaders. I'm not ready to jump to any conclusions just yet, but I will certainly research it further by looking up the word "hampers" in the dictionary. In the meantime, however, Gilligan's Island is on, and it's the one where the Harlem Globetrotters end up on the island.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Take Off, Eh?
By now the space shuttle Discovery was supposed to be in orbit. This would have represented NASA's first manned launch since the one that ultimately doomed Columbia in 2003. However, the mission ended up being scrubbed a few hours before the scheduled launch because of a faulty fuel gauge. It has now been rescheduled for Saturday.
On the one hand, it's good that NASA is being careful, but one can easily be overly cautious. For example, I once used to own an old Dodge Dart that had a sticky fuel gauge. It was an inconvenience, but I didn't stop driving the car because of it. Besides, sometimes a quick tap on the dash right by the gauge would make it start working again. Did any of the astronauts even try banging on the shuttle's dashboard?
I will admit that eventually my balky gauge eventually stopped working entirely, and I can see where such a development when you're in orbit 350 miles over the Earth may prove somewhat disconcerting. But again, I was able to compensate. I knew I could get easily get 300 miles on a tankful of gas, so I would just reset the odometer whenever I filled up. In the case of the space shuttle, I'm sure NASA knows how many orbits it can get on one tankful of premium unleaded rocket fuel. And if the mission happens to encounter strong headwinds while in space, they should be able to easily compensate for that by returning to Earth a little sooner.
Once again, I'm the one who has to think of everything.
On the one hand, it's good that NASA is being careful, but one can easily be overly cautious. For example, I once used to own an old Dodge Dart that had a sticky fuel gauge. It was an inconvenience, but I didn't stop driving the car because of it. Besides, sometimes a quick tap on the dash right by the gauge would make it start working again. Did any of the astronauts even try banging on the shuttle's dashboard?
I will admit that eventually my balky gauge eventually stopped working entirely, and I can see where such a development when you're in orbit 350 miles over the Earth may prove somewhat disconcerting. But again, I was able to compensate. I knew I could get easily get 300 miles on a tankful of gas, so I would just reset the odometer whenever I filled up. In the case of the space shuttle, I'm sure NASA knows how many orbits it can get on one tankful of premium unleaded rocket fuel. And if the mission happens to encounter strong headwinds while in space, they should be able to easily compensate for that by returning to Earth a little sooner.
Once again, I'm the one who has to think of everything.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
You Better Be On Your Lunch Break, Pal
According to a recent survey by AOL (which sucks), Americans waste an average of over two hours a day while at work. Missouri came in first, with workers goofing off an average of four hours every day. Good ol' Virginia, which is where AOL is based, came in seventh at 2.7 hours.
No word on how AOL's own employees fared.
The number one way of wasting time among those surveyed was--not surprisingly--the internet. This includes things like checking personal email, instant messaging, and general surfing of the net. Other popular time wasters included personal phone calls and general socializing with coworkers.
This news is disturbing. Such unproductive time ends up costing employers $759 every year, and that is money that in turn affects everyone through higher costs for goods and services. Quite frankly, an argument could be made that this is indicative of a general decline in the work ethic as well as morals, for what these slackers are doing is, in essence, stealing from their employers. Furthermore
Boss coming--BTW
No word on how AOL's own employees fared.
The number one way of wasting time among those surveyed was--not surprisingly--the internet. This includes things like checking personal email, instant messaging, and general surfing of the net. Other popular time wasters included personal phone calls and general socializing with coworkers.
This news is disturbing. Such unproductive time ends up costing employers $759 every year, and that is money that in turn affects everyone through higher costs for goods and services. Quite frankly, an argument could be made that this is indicative of a general decline in the work ethic as well as morals, for what these slackers are doing is, in essence, stealing from their employers. Furthermore
Boss coming--BTW
Monday, July 11, 2005
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Dennis the Menace
Hurricane Dennis is at this moment pounding the holy sh*t out of the Florida and Alabama coasts with its 120 mph winds. Rated as a category 3 storm, Dennis is the first major hurricane to hit the US during July in over 70 years. It's also only the 7th major hurricane to form (the others didn't make landfall) in 150 years of record keeping (major hurricanes are defined as ones of category 3 or higher). Finally, Dennis is also the fourth named storm of the year, the first time in history this many storms have formed this early. This could be an ominous portent of what's to come, since the hurricane season doesn't usually peak until September.
I'm not sure how yet, but give me time and I'll figure out a way to blame all this on President Bush.
I'm not sure how yet, but give me time and I'll figure out a way to blame all this on President Bush.
Pop Goes The Weasel--And The Panda
In something of a surprise development, the National Zoo's female giant panda, Mei Xiang, has given birth to a 4 ounce cub. Granted, it probably would have been even more amazing if the male panda had done it, but it was still somewhat unexpected. It is notoriously difficult to tell when a female panda has been knocked up, and even skilled veterinarians are easily fooled by the false pregnancies these animals can exhibit.
In fact, even the mommy panda seemed a little taken aback when her little one popped out at 1 A.M. Friday morning. Maternal instincts quickly kicked in, and she began bonding with her offspring.
At last count, 17 NBA players have denied being the father.
In fact, even the mommy panda seemed a little taken aback when her little one popped out at 1 A.M. Friday morning. Maternal instincts quickly kicked in, and she began bonding with her offspring.
At last count, 17 NBA players have denied being the father.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Thursday, July 07, 2005
One Possible Reason Sunscreen Doesn't Sell At The South Pole
Scientists have discovered that the exhaust plume from space shuttle launches can eventually lead to an increase of cloud cover over Antartica. To a certain extent this can be expected, since the shuttle burns liquid hydrogen and liquid oxygen. What was surprising, however, that this water vapor can eventually make its way that far south.
These findings carry important ramifications for the study of global warming, some of which is based on evaluating cloud cover over the poles.
Now I like to think I'm as environmentally conscious as the next Bush basher, but quite frankly I find it hard to be concerned about this. Who cares whether or not penguins can work on their tans? There are much more important things to worry about when it comes to the shuttle program.... Like if I'm going to get hit in the head by a piece of it on the way down.
These findings carry important ramifications for the study of global warming, some of which is based on evaluating cloud cover over the poles.
Now I like to think I'm as environmentally conscious as the next Bush basher, but quite frankly I find it hard to be concerned about this. Who cares whether or not penguins can work on their tans? There are much more important things to worry about when it comes to the shuttle program.... Like if I'm going to get hit in the head by a piece of it on the way down.
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Planning
Nearby Dulles Airport has an interesting payment system for its parking lots. To save on time, you're supposed to take your little ticket into the terminal with you. When you're ready to leave--whether it's two hours later or two weeks--you insert the stub into a machine inside the terminal and pay the appropriate amount. Then you head out to your car. As long as you make it to the booth and insert the ticket into the little slot within a certain grace period, you're good to go.
In an effort to encourage people to follow this procedure, the airport has put up banners that say "Plan your exit strategy now."
Hmmmm.... What a novel idea! Plan your exit strategy now, BEFORE you go in!! Maybe the parking attendants at Dulles should be running the damn country while Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld go manage the lots at the airport!
Then again, you may never get your car out of there.
In an effort to encourage people to follow this procedure, the airport has put up banners that say "Plan your exit strategy now."
Hmmmm.... What a novel idea! Plan your exit strategy now, BEFORE you go in!! Maybe the parking attendants at Dulles should be running the damn country while Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld go manage the lots at the airport!
Then again, you may never get your car out of there.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Will Ducking Help?
Astronomers using a sophisticated telescope have determined that the Andromeda Galaxy, located a mere two million light years from Earth, is three times as large as previously thought. The team of scientific geek types based their conclusion on careful observations of stars along the edge of the galaxy.Meanwhile, geophysicists here on Earth, using exacting GPS measurements and highly detailed infrared satellite photography, have concluded that Michael Moore is also three times as massive as previously thought.
However, none of this may soon matter as NASA's Deep Impact space probe will soon deliberately crash into the Tempel One comet. The resulting debris field is expected to yield a treasure trove of information about the makeup of comets. These heavenly objects are believed to have seeded the primordial Earth with water billions of years ago. Curious scientists, never content to leave well-enough alone, have decided to go mucking around with celestial mechanics in an effort to further expand our horizons of knowledge.
The impact between the probe and Tempel One is scheduled to occur at 1:52 A.M. eastern time tomorrow morning. Scientists insist that the collision will in no way alter the orbit of the massive comet.
Let's these are NOT the same scientists who once accidentally destroyed a Mars probe because they failed to properly convert metric units into english.
On the other hand, if they're wrong, at 1:53 A.M. we can all begin running through the streets and screaming for our lives as giant fiery shattered comet chunks rain down upon us.
Friday, July 01, 2005
The Gravity Of The Situation
Virginia Governor and likely contender for the 2008 democratic presidential nomination Mark Warner took a tumble off his bicycle the other day, breaking two bones in the process. Warner was apparently taking a drink of water with one hand while applying the brakes with the other. Unfortunately, only the front brakes gripped, giving the governor a painful lesson in inertia, physics, and gravity. He later underwent surgery to have a couple of metal pins inserted, and is expected to be in a cast for several weeks.
I personally went through a eerily similar incident two years ago. While reaching for a bag of Duritos, I took a spill out of the recliner and ended up facedown in the bean dip. In the process, my own right wrist became lodged between the coffee table and the mini fridge, and it was in a cast for over a month (my wrist, I mean; the minifridge was thankfully unharmed).
Needless to say, having my right hand immobilized put quite a damper on my sex life.
I personally went through a eerily similar incident two years ago. While reaching for a bag of Duritos, I took a spill out of the recliner and ended up facedown in the bean dip. In the process, my own right wrist became lodged between the coffee table and the mini fridge, and it was in a cast for over a month (my wrist, I mean; the minifridge was thankfully unharmed).
Needless to say, having my right hand immobilized put quite a damper on my sex life.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Moo
Several weeks ago the existence of a second case of mad cow disease was confirmed. Federal investigators have now determined that the animal in question was born in Texas 12 years ago.
Texas, eh? George W. Bush is from Texas.... And he eats beef....
Well, that would certainly explain a lot!
Texas, eh? George W. Bush is from Texas.... And he eats beef....
Well, that would certainly explain a lot!
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Betrayed
I watched Bush's speech earlier this evening, and that's always a mistake. For some reason I always end up with a three foot pile of bullsh*t on the floor in front of the TV.
The one overriding theme in his address was that Iraq was somehow part of the war on terror. But how? Sure, three years ago we were told Saddam had weapons of mass destruction out the wazoo, had ties to Al Qaeda, and was an immediate threat to the United States. But as we've since learned, that intelligence was wrong at best and deliberately cooked at worst.
The President also kept emphasizing that we were battling religious fanatics in Iraq, and trying to keep them from doing there what they did in Afghanistan. This ignores the fact that while Hussein may have been a brutal dictator, Iraq under him was also a highly secular state. The country even had a thriving christian community living side-by-side with the majority muslims. There was nothing fundamentalist about his government, nor was there any danger of it becoming so while he remained in power.
But has Bush admitted to any mistakes? No, of course not. He simply added a new justification for the invasion of Iraq, and that is to spread freedom throughout the middle east. Sure, those are noble sounding words, but unfortunately that was never given as an initial reason for the war.
What's even worse is that tonight's speech again strongly implied that Iraq was somehow involved in the 9/11 attacks. That has repeatedly been demonstrated to not be the case. Bush, in fact, has on occasion come right and admitted as much himself. But then he turns around and delivers these carefully worded speeches that make it sound like Iraq was behind 9/11 without actually saying it and thus getting caught in a baldfaced lie.
Even Karl Rove is now engaging in this doubletalk. Last week in a speech to a New York group, Bush's deputy Chief of Staff said "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers." This speech was given in the context of justifying what was happening in Iraq, again implying that Saddam was behind 9/11.
And what's sad is that a sizble percentage of Americans continue to buy into that lie.
As I have said before, I consider myself a conservative republican. I continue to believe Ronald Reagan was a great President. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm going to blindly follow Bush off a cliff simply because he's also a republican.
The fact of the matter is that a man named Osama bin Laden is the man responsible for what happened at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and a field in the Pennsylvania countryside. It is bin Laden who killed 3000 people that otherwise beautiful September day. So where is he? Well, no one knows, do they? And instead of devoting this nation's full resources to tracking him down, Bush has our soldiers wasting their time and lives in Iraq, in some nonsensical quest to bring freedom to the middle east.
What's ironic is that Rove's words pretty well summarize how I felt on September 11, 2001. I was glad we had Bush in the White House. He pretty much had the same foreign policy team that his father had during the first Gulf war, and they had certainly proven themselves competent during that earlier conflict. I remember thinking that if Gore had won the election, he would have been content to lob a few cruise missiles in the direction of those responsible, and that would have been the end of it. But it was Bush who eventually won that election, and I--like millions of other Americans--had faith that he would do the right thing.
Perhaps that is why I am so disappointed in what has happened to this administration. I'm disappointed that a President with so much promise failed so miserably to deliver; I'm disappointed that bin Laden has not been killed, tied to the back of a New York city fire truck, and his body dragged through the streets of Manhattan; dispppointed that instead of making a genuine difference in Afghanistan, we opted to split our resources and therefore help no one; and I'm disappointed that all the good will the world showed us in the fall of 2001 has been squandered.
But most of all I'm disappointed that George W. Bush chose to betray the trust that this country placed in him on that terrible day four years ago.
The one overriding theme in his address was that Iraq was somehow part of the war on terror. But how? Sure, three years ago we were told Saddam had weapons of mass destruction out the wazoo, had ties to Al Qaeda, and was an immediate threat to the United States. But as we've since learned, that intelligence was wrong at best and deliberately cooked at worst.
The President also kept emphasizing that we were battling religious fanatics in Iraq, and trying to keep them from doing there what they did in Afghanistan. This ignores the fact that while Hussein may have been a brutal dictator, Iraq under him was also a highly secular state. The country even had a thriving christian community living side-by-side with the majority muslims. There was nothing fundamentalist about his government, nor was there any danger of it becoming so while he remained in power.
But has Bush admitted to any mistakes? No, of course not. He simply added a new justification for the invasion of Iraq, and that is to spread freedom throughout the middle east. Sure, those are noble sounding words, but unfortunately that was never given as an initial reason for the war.
What's even worse is that tonight's speech again strongly implied that Iraq was somehow involved in the 9/11 attacks. That has repeatedly been demonstrated to not be the case. Bush, in fact, has on occasion come right and admitted as much himself. But then he turns around and delivers these carefully worded speeches that make it sound like Iraq was behind 9/11 without actually saying it and thus getting caught in a baldfaced lie.
Even Karl Rove is now engaging in this doubletalk. Last week in a speech to a New York group, Bush's deputy Chief of Staff said "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers." This speech was given in the context of justifying what was happening in Iraq, again implying that Saddam was behind 9/11.
And what's sad is that a sizble percentage of Americans continue to buy into that lie.
As I have said before, I consider myself a conservative republican. I continue to believe Ronald Reagan was a great President. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm going to blindly follow Bush off a cliff simply because he's also a republican.
The fact of the matter is that a man named Osama bin Laden is the man responsible for what happened at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and a field in the Pennsylvania countryside. It is bin Laden who killed 3000 people that otherwise beautiful September day. So where is he? Well, no one knows, do they? And instead of devoting this nation's full resources to tracking him down, Bush has our soldiers wasting their time and lives in Iraq, in some nonsensical quest to bring freedom to the middle east.
What's ironic is that Rove's words pretty well summarize how I felt on September 11, 2001. I was glad we had Bush in the White House. He pretty much had the same foreign policy team that his father had during the first Gulf war, and they had certainly proven themselves competent during that earlier conflict. I remember thinking that if Gore had won the election, he would have been content to lob a few cruise missiles in the direction of those responsible, and that would have been the end of it. But it was Bush who eventually won that election, and I--like millions of other Americans--had faith that he would do the right thing.
Perhaps that is why I am so disappointed in what has happened to this administration. I'm disappointed that a President with so much promise failed so miserably to deliver; I'm disappointed that bin Laden has not been killed, tied to the back of a New York city fire truck, and his body dragged through the streets of Manhattan; dispppointed that instead of making a genuine difference in Afghanistan, we opted to split our resources and therefore help no one; and I'm disappointed that all the good will the world showed us in the fall of 2001 has been squandered.
But most of all I'm disappointed that George W. Bush chose to betray the trust that this country placed in him on that terrible day four years ago.
Hand Me The Jack While You're In There
I think we've all heard about the tragic case in New Jersey in which three missing children were found suffocated in the trunk of a car. The three day search for the kids--and the subsequent discovery of their bodies--has been all over the news.
So what did a mother in the parking lot of a Virginia Wal-Mart go and do over the weekend? She locked her kids in the trunk of her car because they were acting up. This is in addition to a similar incident in Maryland a few weeks ago.
Perhaps what should be done in these situations is to to stuff the mother into the trunk while the kids go get some ice cream.
So what did a mother in the parking lot of a Virginia Wal-Mart go and do over the weekend? She locked her kids in the trunk of her car because they were acting up. This is in addition to a similar incident in Maryland a few weeks ago.
Perhaps what should be done in these situations is to to stuff the mother into the trunk while the kids go get some ice cream.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Caution: Darwinism At Work
A man in Seattle recently fell to his death after he and his buddy engaged in a game to see who could hang off a highway overpass the longest. After losing his grip, he plunged to the interstate highway below and was struck by two vehicles. Sadly, this means he not only lost his life but the contest as well.
Surprisingly, alcohol appears to have been a factor.
Surprisingly, alcohol appears to have been a factor.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Bush's Folly
Equality between the sexes aside, the role of women in combat has long been debated. The official Pentagon position on the topic is that it is not allowed. The reality of the matter, however, is that there are no actual "front lines" in Iraq, and women are routinely killed and maimed. This reality was brought home to Americans yesterday when several female marines were killed and wounded by a suicide bomber in Fallujah.
How much longer will Bush's Iraq folly continue? More and more Americans are slowly coming to terms with the fact that the invasion of Iraq was insanely stupid: Saddam was not a threat; he had no WMD's; Iraq was contained by no-fly zones in both the north and the south; Osama bin Laden remains on the loose; and as demonstrated by the various Downing Street memos, the intelligence used to justify the invasion was selectively interpreted and no thought was given to the eventual occupation. As a result, American soldiers AND innocent Iraqi civilians continue to needlessly die, and for what? This conflict is nothing but a total and absolute waste of life and resources.
If you listen to the drivel coming out of the White House, things in Iraq are absolutely hunky-dory. But while Bush remains optimistic, reality continues to rear its ugly head: Last month alone, 80 US troops and 700 Iraqi civilians died.
Cheney recently went as far as to say that the insurgency is in its "last throes." Is he certifiably mad, or has he been into the medicinal marijuana again? Even worse, is the White House deliberately insulting the intelligence of the American people?
Someone in charge needs to confront reality, and they need to do it soon.
How much longer will Bush's Iraq folly continue? More and more Americans are slowly coming to terms with the fact that the invasion of Iraq was insanely stupid: Saddam was not a threat; he had no WMD's; Iraq was contained by no-fly zones in both the north and the south; Osama bin Laden remains on the loose; and as demonstrated by the various Downing Street memos, the intelligence used to justify the invasion was selectively interpreted and no thought was given to the eventual occupation. As a result, American soldiers AND innocent Iraqi civilians continue to needlessly die, and for what? This conflict is nothing but a total and absolute waste of life and resources.
If you listen to the drivel coming out of the White House, things in Iraq are absolutely hunky-dory. But while Bush remains optimistic, reality continues to rear its ugly head: Last month alone, 80 US troops and 700 Iraqi civilians died.
Cheney recently went as far as to say that the insurgency is in its "last throes." Is he certifiably mad, or has he been into the medicinal marijuana again? Even worse, is the White House deliberately insulting the intelligence of the American people?
Someone in charge needs to confront reality, and they need to do it soon.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Do I Know You?
Eleven year old Brennan Hawkins was lost in the Utah mountains for three days, and his family feared the worst. Searchers were stumped as to where else to look, and there was concern the child may have been swept away in a nearby rain-swollen river. When Brennan finally turned up, it turned out that the reason it took so long to find him is that he kept hiding from his rescuers! His parents had repeatedly told him never to talk to strangers, so when all these people he didn't know kept walking through the woods calling his name, Brennan kept running away.
Perhaps what we should start doing is telling our kids that sometimes it really is okay to talk to strangers.... Provided it's not Michael Jackson.
Perhaps what we should start doing is telling our kids that sometimes it really is okay to talk to strangers.... Provided it's not Michael Jackson.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Guess His Hard Drive Failed
Jack Kilby has died.
Who?
He's the guy who, in 1958, invented the microchip. By compressing complex electronic switches onto a single wafer, Kilby made possible digital watches, the space program, cell phones, calculators, pacemakers, microwave ovens, programmable VCR's, computers, and the internet porn industry.
No word on whether doctors tried rebooting him.
Who?
He's the guy who, in 1958, invented the microchip. By compressing complex electronic switches onto a single wafer, Kilby made possible digital watches, the space program, cell phones, calculators, pacemakers, microwave ovens, programmable VCR's, computers, and the internet porn industry.
No word on whether doctors tried rebooting him.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Payback
Vietnamese Prime Minister Phan Van Khai visited the White House today and met with President Bush, the first leader of that nation to do so since the conflict ended 30 years ago. The two leaders talked about further improving trade between our two countries, possible membership for Vietnam in the World Trade Organization, and further recovery of the remains of American soldiers still classified as missing in action.
Afterwards, Mr. Khai was forced to flee to the roof of the White House and desperately grab onto a helicopter as it was taking off.
Afterwards, Mr. Khai was forced to flee to the roof of the White House and desperately grab onto a helicopter as it was taking off.
Rescue Me From The Hiltons
The country may going to hell in a handbasket, but I don't care. One of my favorite shows--Rescue Me--returns tonight (with repeats throughout the week) for its second season, and I'm happier than a pig in poop.... Which is something I've always to experience myself but haven't gotten around to.
The show (on FX) stars comedian Denis Leary as a post-9/11 firefighter in New York who has some serious issues. He's an alcoholic, talks to dead people, and has gotten his deceased cousin's wife pregnant. In the process of accomplishing all this, he has alienated pretty much all his friends and coworkers. Yet despite all that, Rescue Me also succeeds in getting you to laugh.
Yes, the language is raw. But it's also the type of well-written, thought-provoking program you will never find on any of the broadcast networks.
But if you're not into quality TV and prefer mind numbing stupidity, there's always I Want to Be a Hilton. Haven't seen it yet, but the advance word on it seems to indicate this show will epitomize everything that's wrong with so-called "reality" TV.
It's hosted by Paris Hilton's mother, Kathy. The show will take some regular every day folks and make them "'fit for New York society' by teaching them to 'live up to the standards of New York's elite.'" Hmmmm.... I guess being fit for New York's elite society includes being dimwitted enough to be videotaped while getting humped by your boyfriend.
Then again, maybe I should hang around New York's Park Avenue more often. I might just get lucky.
The show (on FX) stars comedian Denis Leary as a post-9/11 firefighter in New York who has some serious issues. He's an alcoholic, talks to dead people, and has gotten his deceased cousin's wife pregnant. In the process of accomplishing all this, he has alienated pretty much all his friends and coworkers. Yet despite all that, Rescue Me also succeeds in getting you to laugh.
Yes, the language is raw. But it's also the type of well-written, thought-provoking program you will never find on any of the broadcast networks.
But if you're not into quality TV and prefer mind numbing stupidity, there's always I Want to Be a Hilton. Haven't seen it yet, but the advance word on it seems to indicate this show will epitomize everything that's wrong with so-called "reality" TV.
It's hosted by Paris Hilton's mother, Kathy. The show will take some regular every day folks and make them "'fit for New York society' by teaching them to 'live up to the standards of New York's elite.'" Hmmmm.... I guess being fit for New York's elite society includes being dimwitted enough to be videotaped while getting humped by your boyfriend.
Then again, maybe I should hang around New York's Park Avenue more often. I might just get lucky.
Monday, June 20, 2005
An Easy Way To Always Find A Date
The Chesapeake Bay is famous for its blue crab population. The little critters get their name from their claws, which in the case of the males, have a blue tinge to them. The female crabs of the species, however, have a reddish hue to their claws.And no, I don't know why they're not called "red crabs." I'm not the one who named the things, so I'm washing my hands of the whole sexist business. But whatever the reasons, it does make it easy to tell the boy crabs from the girl ones.
So imagine the shock on waterman Robbie Watson's face when he dumped his trap and found a crab with one blue claw AND one red claw!
Watson decided to check the underside of the crab's shell. If it were a male, it would have a pattern that resembles the Washington Monument. But if it were female, the pattern would resemble the Capitol dome.
As it turned out, this particular speciman had a wavy pattern, which was roughly a cross between the two normal ones.
According to scientists, the crab is an extremely rare find known as a "bilateral gynandromorph," or a cross between both sexes. It's half male and female, all in the same body.
Hmmmm.... Kinda sounds like a crustecean version of Michael Jackson.
But I Know I Parked It Right Here
It's always inconvenient when your car gets stolen. There are reports to fill out, questions to answer, and snickers from the general public.
Snickers?
Well, yes. Especially when you happen to be the chief of police of the most powerful city in the most powerful country in the world, and your unmarked squad car gets stolen.
Snickers?
Well, yes. Especially when you happen to be the chief of police of the most powerful city in the most powerful country in the world, and your unmarked squad car gets stolen.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
Frank Wills, Gone & (Almost) Forgotten
Today marks the 33rd anniversary of the Watergate break-in.
Since the revelation of Deep Throat's identity two weeks ago, a lot has been written about the ensuing scandal, the meteoric rise of Woodward & Bernstein, and the fall of the Nixon Administration.
Yes, Mark Felt played an important role. And certainly Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein are to be admired for their dogged pursuit of the truth. But the fact of the matter is that none of them are the true heros of the story. No, there is another individual who's name is all too often overlooked in the history of Watergate. This is unfortunate, for without him, Woodward & Bernstein would still be writing about the local fire department's dramatic rescue of a cat from a tree.
That man was Frank Wills, and he was the $80 a week security guard who first discovered a piece of tape on a door latch. He removed it, and on his next set of rounds, found that the latch had been taped open again.
That's when he picked up the phone, called the police, and set one of the greatest political scandals of the 20th century in motion.
Since the revelation of Deep Throat's identity two weeks ago, a lot has been written about the ensuing scandal, the meteoric rise of Woodward & Bernstein, and the fall of the Nixon Administration.
Yes, Mark Felt played an important role. And certainly Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein are to be admired for their dogged pursuit of the truth. But the fact of the matter is that none of them are the true heros of the story. No, there is another individual who's name is all too often overlooked in the history of Watergate. This is unfortunate, for without him, Woodward & Bernstein would still be writing about the local fire department's dramatic rescue of a cat from a tree.
That man was Frank Wills, and he was the $80 a week security guard who first discovered a piece of tape on a door latch. He removed it, and on his next set of rounds, found that the latch had been taped open again.
That's when he picked up the phone, called the police, and set one of the greatest political scandals of the 20th century in motion.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
A Matter Of Image
Wal-Mart is becoming increasingly concerned that their sales are beginning lag in the United States. Additionally, there is evidence that big spenders are beginning to go to competitors such as Target.
Consequently, the discount chain has begun putting fake hardwood floors in the apparel departments of some of their stores. Higher quality 550 thread count sheets will now be available, as well as cashmere sweaters and plasma TV's. The goal is to evoke the image of a more "upscale" Wal-Mart.
Yeah, right. And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a truck.
Consequently, the discount chain has begun putting fake hardwood floors in the apparel departments of some of their stores. Higher quality 550 thread count sheets will now be available, as well as cashmere sweaters and plasma TV's. The goal is to evoke the image of a more "upscale" Wal-Mart.
Yeah, right. And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a truck.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Schiavo Autopsy Results
Remember the Terry Schiavo story from March? She was the Florida woman who had been in a vegetative state since 1991. When the courts finally gave her husband the okay to pull her feeding tube, Schiavo's impending death became a circus that rivaled anything ever produced by Barnum & Bailey's. Religious zealots descended on the hospice where she lay, and Republican politicians flushed their "less government" principles down the toilet as they tripped over one another pandering to the Christian right. Congress passed legislation seeking to postpone the inevitable, and Bush hopped on Air Force One to fly to DC to sign the bill. And once the tube was actually pulled, protestors kept getting themselves arrested as they tried to enter the building with glasses of water. At one point, dancing bears may have been involved, but I'm not sure.
Following her death, the Pinellas-Pasco medical examiner conducted an autopsy, and the results were released earlier today. Not surprisingly, it shows that she had "massive and irreversible brain damage." That damage included the vision centers of her brain, thus rendering her completely blind. Overall, her brain was about half the size of a normal one. The report also says that the "damage was irreversible, and no amount of therapy or treatment would have regenerated the massive loss of neurons."
Curiously, Senate Majority Leader (and a licensed cardiologist) Bill Frist failed to determine all this when he conducted an in-depth examination of a two minute videotape of Miss Schiavo, and declared that the 50 doctors who had previously examined her in person were all wrong. On the other hand, he scored valuable points with the evangelicals that now control the GOP, and that's all that matters when you're an opportunistic little weasel.
Following her death, the Pinellas-Pasco medical examiner conducted an autopsy, and the results were released earlier today. Not surprisingly, it shows that she had "massive and irreversible brain damage." That damage included the vision centers of her brain, thus rendering her completely blind. Overall, her brain was about half the size of a normal one. The report also says that the "damage was irreversible, and no amount of therapy or treatment would have regenerated the massive loss of neurons."
Curiously, Senate Majority Leader (and a licensed cardiologist) Bill Frist failed to determine all this when he conducted an in-depth examination of a two minute videotape of Miss Schiavo, and declared that the 50 doctors who had previously examined her in person were all wrong. On the other hand, he scored valuable points with the evangelicals that now control the GOP, and that's all that matters when you're an opportunistic little weasel.
Monday, June 13, 2005
Pass The Jesus Juice
I can't believe Michael Jackson got off on all charges.... Which is somewhat ironic, since getting off is what got him in trouble in the first place.
Jackson has posted a letter on his website thanking his fans, and comparing his acquittal to the fall of the Berlin Wall and the release of Nelson Mandela from prison.
Now there are those who may consider such an analogy rather presumptuous, but I have to agree with the Noseless One on this. Jackson's acquittal--and vindication of his behavior--is nothing short of a huge step forward for the rights of pedophiles throughout this great country of ours. They have been forced to live in shame for too long, hanging out near playgrounds and school bus stops in their trenchcoats, averting their gaze whenever a parent eyed them suspiciously. Maybe now practioners of pedophilia can finally step out of the shadows and go cruising for kids at the local Chuck E. Cheese without fear of what narrow-minded bigots who prefer the intimate company of--GASP-- other adults may think!
At any rate, I've decided that if I ever go on trial for anything--again, that is--it will be in California.... Because no matter how serious the charges, or how overwhelming the evidence, no jury there will ever convict you of anything.
Jackson has posted a letter on his website thanking his fans, and comparing his acquittal to the fall of the Berlin Wall and the release of Nelson Mandela from prison.
Now there are those who may consider such an analogy rather presumptuous, but I have to agree with the Noseless One on this. Jackson's acquittal--and vindication of his behavior--is nothing short of a huge step forward for the rights of pedophiles throughout this great country of ours. They have been forced to live in shame for too long, hanging out near playgrounds and school bus stops in their trenchcoats, averting their gaze whenever a parent eyed them suspiciously. Maybe now practioners of pedophilia can finally step out of the shadows and go cruising for kids at the local Chuck E. Cheese without fear of what narrow-minded bigots who prefer the intimate company of--GASP-- other adults may think!
At any rate, I've decided that if I ever go on trial for anything--again, that is--it will be in California.... Because no matter how serious the charges, or how overwhelming the evidence, no jury there will ever convict you of anything.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
More Cowbell
This weekend saw the annual "Celebrate Fairfax," which is the county fair for, well, Fairfax. Unlike most county fairs, however, this one has no farm animals, largely because there hasn't been a farm animal sighted in Fairfax in over 20 years.... Except for that Hispanic family that used to live above me. They kept a rooster and a couple of goats in their apartment.
Celebrate Fairfax is mostly more about rides, high tech interactive games, and the music. This year's lineup of groups included Better Than Ezra, The Smithereens, and--believe it or not--Rick Springfield.
But the reason I went--and this is not meant to disparage Rick in anyway--was for Blue Oyster Cult. I've always loved their music. In fact, any time they appear within 300 miles of DC, I will go see them just so I can hold my cigarette lighter up high and scream as loud as I can, MORE COWBELL!
Anyway, I've been told not to come back to Celebrate Fairfax for the next five years.
Celebrate Fairfax is mostly more about rides, high tech interactive games, and the music. This year's lineup of groups included Better Than Ezra, The Smithereens, and--believe it or not--Rick Springfield.
But the reason I went--and this is not meant to disparage Rick in anyway--was for Blue Oyster Cult. I've always loved their music. In fact, any time they appear within 300 miles of DC, I will go see them just so I can hold my cigarette lighter up high and scream as loud as I can, MORE COWBELL!
Anyway, I've been told not to come back to Celebrate Fairfax for the next five years.
See more funny videos at Funny or Die
Saturday, June 11, 2005
Friday, June 10, 2005
Wacko Jacko Fanos
A verdict in the latest (Typically there's one every 4-5 years) Michael Jackson child molestation case is expected any day now. I personally don't know if he's guilty or innocent, but my gut reaction is that the man--and I use that term loosely--is guilty as sin. Unfortunately I'm not on the jury, and they're not likely to call and ask for my input.
The thing I really don't get about this trial is the constant presence of the fans. They're outside that courthouse every morning and every evening cheering him on. Some of these wackos have gone as far as to quit their jobs and move to California--from overseas--just so they can be there every day.
Are they insane? Have they been bitten by rabid animals and driven into madness?
They constantly proclaim his innocence, which leads to the question: How do they know that? Are they privy to information that the jury never got to see? Do they know Michaeal personally? Have they sat in a chair all night long and watched Jackson as he sleeps with little boys to make sure he doesn't touch their privates?
Just liking a person's music and possessing all his albums doesn't mean you know the guy personally, nor does it give you a window on his soul.
It's like the morons who lined those highway overpasses 11 years ago when O.J. led police on that low speed chase. Why were they cheering him on? Granted, he hadn't yet been convicted, but there's was some fairly solid evidence that the man had brutally murdered two people. And now you're going to go out and cheer him on?
Maybe I'm getting old, but I just don't get the whole celebrity thing.
Besides, why is Michael Jackson the one on trial anyway? The real guilty parties in this whole mess, and the ones that should be facing jail time, are the parents who were dumb enough to let their kids stay at Neverland Ranch. I mean, it's not like you're letting your little boy spend the night with an adult you know and trust.... Like your parish priest.
These allegations about Michael Jackson have been around for years, and still these people let their kids spend the night with him? Even if--however unlikely--the whole thing is "sweet and innocent," under absolutely no circumstances should you be letting your 12 year old son sleep with a 46 year old man. That's just so wrong on so many different levels. How unbelievably irresponsible can a parent be?
On the other hand, if Britney Spears is ever accused of knocking off husband Kevin Federline, I'm quitting my job and moving to wherever the trial is. Because, well, that would just be an entirely different situation.
The thing I really don't get about this trial is the constant presence of the fans. They're outside that courthouse every morning and every evening cheering him on. Some of these wackos have gone as far as to quit their jobs and move to California--from overseas--just so they can be there every day.
Are they insane? Have they been bitten by rabid animals and driven into madness?
They constantly proclaim his innocence, which leads to the question: How do they know that? Are they privy to information that the jury never got to see? Do they know Michaeal personally? Have they sat in a chair all night long and watched Jackson as he sleeps with little boys to make sure he doesn't touch their privates?
Just liking a person's music and possessing all his albums doesn't mean you know the guy personally, nor does it give you a window on his soul.
It's like the morons who lined those highway overpasses 11 years ago when O.J. led police on that low speed chase. Why were they cheering him on? Granted, he hadn't yet been convicted, but there's was some fairly solid evidence that the man had brutally murdered two people. And now you're going to go out and cheer him on?
Maybe I'm getting old, but I just don't get the whole celebrity thing.
Besides, why is Michael Jackson the one on trial anyway? The real guilty parties in this whole mess, and the ones that should be facing jail time, are the parents who were dumb enough to let their kids stay at Neverland Ranch. I mean, it's not like you're letting your little boy spend the night with an adult you know and trust.... Like your parish priest.
These allegations about Michael Jackson have been around for years, and still these people let their kids spend the night with him? Even if--however unlikely--the whole thing is "sweet and innocent," under absolutely no circumstances should you be letting your 12 year old son sleep with a 46 year old man. That's just so wrong on so many different levels. How unbelievably irresponsible can a parent be?
On the other hand, if Britney Spears is ever accused of knocking off husband Kevin Federline, I'm quitting my job and moving to wherever the trial is. Because, well, that would just be an entirely different situation.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Packing Your Trunk
Over the weekend a Maryland woman was pulled over and arrested after a police officer watched her put three children in the trunk of her car. Lanora Adele Lucas has been charged with reckless endangerment in the incident.
Needless to say, some people are making a mountain out of a molehill on this case. First of all, the kids were never in any actual serious danger, except for possible oxygen starvation, heat exhaustion, dehydration, and dying a horrible, fiery death if the vehicle had been rear ended. Secondly, the car was a freakin' Volvo 850! If it had been something cheaper, like a Honda Accord, then I could see where there might be a problem. But a Volvo?!?! My brothers and I should have had so easy when WE were growing up!
My mother used to make us ride in the trunk of a 1969 Ford Falcon, but you never heard us whining about it. No sirree! And as we got older, and the three of us would no longer fit in there at the same time, we had to start taking turns riding while strapped to the luggage rack on the roof.
But we never complained, because we knew how lucky we were to have a car trunk to be stuffed into in the first place! Not like these snotnosed spoiled brats today, who expect the world to serve up opportunity on a silver platter, garnished with little bite sized vegetables.
I remember this one time when we loosened little Bobby's straps as a gag, and he ended up under a Mack truck that had been tailgating us. We laughed about that one for days once he came out of the coma!!!
Needless to say, some people are making a mountain out of a molehill on this case. First of all, the kids were never in any actual serious danger, except for possible oxygen starvation, heat exhaustion, dehydration, and dying a horrible, fiery death if the vehicle had been rear ended. Secondly, the car was a freakin' Volvo 850! If it had been something cheaper, like a Honda Accord, then I could see where there might be a problem. But a Volvo?!?! My brothers and I should have had so easy when WE were growing up!
My mother used to make us ride in the trunk of a 1969 Ford Falcon, but you never heard us whining about it. No sirree! And as we got older, and the three of us would no longer fit in there at the same time, we had to start taking turns riding while strapped to the luggage rack on the roof.
But we never complained, because we knew how lucky we were to have a car trunk to be stuffed into in the first place! Not like these snotnosed spoiled brats today, who expect the world to serve up opportunity on a silver platter, garnished with little bite sized vegetables.
I remember this one time when we loosened little Bobby's straps as a gag, and he ended up under a Mack truck that had been tailgating us. We laughed about that one for days once he came out of the coma!!!
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
I've Been Dissed
I hopped on board the Firefox bandwagon a couple of months ago and have been using it for most of my web browsing. My only complaint is that it does--on very rare occasions--have problems displaying some sites. For example, my Yahoo email doesn't offer me some of its extra options such as bold print, italics, etc. when viewed on Firefox. To get around that, I leave an IE window open just for Yahoo.
On the other hand, the tabbed browsing that Firefox offers more than makes up for that. It's a much faster system than what Windows/IE offers. Plus it offers some cool skins, my favorite being "Brushed." Then there are the extensions, which are little extras you can add. Being something of a weather geek, I now have the current weather conditions and five day forecast displayed in my taskbar. And perhaps most important of all, Firefox has excellent adblocking capabilities.
Even so, I'm always open to new ideas. And since Netscape 8.0 has been getting a lot of press lately, I decided to give it a shot. I went to Netscape.com and tried to download it. It came back with a message telling me that it needs, at minimum, a 233 mhz processor. My computer, however, didn't meet that particular requirement, so therefore I wouldn't be allowed to proceed any further. Goodbye. Do not pass go and do not collect $200. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.
It's pretty embarrassing when even people giving stuff away for free tell you to get lost.
On the other hand, the tabbed browsing that Firefox offers more than makes up for that. It's a much faster system than what Windows/IE offers. Plus it offers some cool skins, my favorite being "Brushed." Then there are the extensions, which are little extras you can add. Being something of a weather geek, I now have the current weather conditions and five day forecast displayed in my taskbar. And perhaps most important of all, Firefox has excellent adblocking capabilities.
Even so, I'm always open to new ideas. And since Netscape 8.0 has been getting a lot of press lately, I decided to give it a shot. I went to Netscape.com and tried to download it. It came back with a message telling me that it needs, at minimum, a 233 mhz processor. My computer, however, didn't meet that particular requirement, so therefore I wouldn't be allowed to proceed any further. Goodbye. Do not pass go and do not collect $200. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out.
It's pretty embarrassing when even people giving stuff away for free tell you to get lost.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Batter Up
Last month Canadian singer Kathleen Edwards performed in the DC area. She couldn't resist commenting on the Washington Nationals baseball team, which had previously been the Montreal Expos. "Enjoy the continuous losing," she said. "Why the [bleep] do you think they left Montreal?"The comment was rather asinine for a number of reasons. First of all, you don't go into a strange city and immediately start disparaging it. Secondly, despite dismal expectations for the team before the beginning of the season, they quickly demonstrated that they were not going to rollover for their opponents the way expansion teams usually do.
Then last night they accomplished something that no one had expected them to: After winning seven of their last eight games and completing a four game sweep of the Florida Marlins, the Nationals were sitting on top of the National League East. This is the first time a DC baseball team has led its division this late in the season since 1933.
I bear no animosity towards Ms. Edwards for her stupid comments. In fact, I'd like to offer her a souvenir baseball bat, along with a recommendation as to what she can do with it.
Then, sadly, there are the Washington Redskins. Three months away from the beginning of the regular season, and the team's prospects have already begun a long, slow swirl down the toilet. Sean Taylor, who was the 'Skins to draft pick last year and wasted no time proving himself to be a spoiled brat, has now gotten himself arrested in Florida for pulling a gun on some people.
What a moron.
Everyone knows that if you're a big name sports figure, you don't go around pointing firearms at people!!! That's why the first thing you do when you land a multi-million dollar contract is go out and hire yourself a posse, and let them go around pointing guns at people!
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Friday, June 03, 2005
Betraying The Betrayers
Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez says that Mark "Deep Throat" Felt will not be prosecuted.
Well, that's nice. But the more important question is: Who was the freakin' moron who even considered the possibility in the first place? Is the Bush Administration so unbelievably out of touch with reality that they would go after a frail 91 year old man that most Americans consider to be a hero?
In reading various letters to the editor in a number of papers, it's apparent that most people do admire Felt for what he did. But even so, there is still a sizable percentage that think he somehow betrayed the FBI.
Uh, excuse me, but doesn't the FBI work for the American people? Or doesn't that matter? Don't agents have to take some kind of oath to uphold the Constitution, or doesn't that matter? (USAToday: FBI Agents Reflect on Ethics and Obligations)
Bob Woodward has written a piece for the Washington Post describing how he first met the man who would eventually come to be known as Deep Throat. While Felt never fully explained his actions, it's apparent that the FBI had been under enormous political pressure from the Nixon White House. But Hoover--and much of the old line Bureau hierarchy (including #2 man Felt)--were able to resist those pressures.
But then Hoover died in May of 1972, and Nixon appointed L. Patrick Gray as his replacement. Gray was a longtime political flunky of Nixon's, and suddenly the White House was in control of the FBI. This created a lot of resentment among the remaining old line agents like Felt. Not necessarily just anger at being passed over for promotions, but also for what this meant for the future of the FBI's independence. And anyone who doubts this should keep in mind that Gray was forced to resign in 1973. He had been giving files about the Watergate investigation to the very same White House officials that were being investigated! Is it any wonder Felt didn't trust them?
The fact remains that it was Nixon and his cronies who had betrayed the trust the American people had placed in their government officials.
Thank God someone had the balls to "betray" them.
Well, that's nice. But the more important question is: Who was the freakin' moron who even considered the possibility in the first place? Is the Bush Administration so unbelievably out of touch with reality that they would go after a frail 91 year old man that most Americans consider to be a hero?
In reading various letters to the editor in a number of papers, it's apparent that most people do admire Felt for what he did. But even so, there is still a sizable percentage that think he somehow betrayed the FBI.
Uh, excuse me, but doesn't the FBI work for the American people? Or doesn't that matter? Don't agents have to take some kind of oath to uphold the Constitution, or doesn't that matter? (USAToday: FBI Agents Reflect on Ethics and Obligations)
Bob Woodward has written a piece for the Washington Post describing how he first met the man who would eventually come to be known as Deep Throat. While Felt never fully explained his actions, it's apparent that the FBI had been under enormous political pressure from the Nixon White House. But Hoover--and much of the old line Bureau hierarchy (including #2 man Felt)--were able to resist those pressures.
But then Hoover died in May of 1972, and Nixon appointed L. Patrick Gray as his replacement. Gray was a longtime political flunky of Nixon's, and suddenly the White House was in control of the FBI. This created a lot of resentment among the remaining old line agents like Felt. Not necessarily just anger at being passed over for promotions, but also for what this meant for the future of the FBI's independence. And anyone who doubts this should keep in mind that Gray was forced to resign in 1973. He had been giving files about the Watergate investigation to the very same White House officials that were being investigated! Is it any wonder Felt didn't trust them?
The fact remains that it was Nixon and his cronies who had betrayed the trust the American people had placed in their government officials.
Thank God someone had the balls to "betray" them.
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